Schooling dilema

[Brewster]

My son goes to a lovely little infant school but is obviously having to leave and go elsewhere for september.
The school he has been allocated is our first choice and seems lovely and most people you speak to have mostly good things to say about it.
But we have been considering private school that goes all the way to 18. He had an informal assessment this week at a school we thought was amazing and everything we were looking for.
At this assessment day we were a little let down - maybe cos our expectations were too high - we aren't sure. He came out and his first words were that he didn't like it but then as more came out there was lots he did like but it seemed that he wasn't shown the ropes at lunchtime and as a very fussy eater he has based a lot of his negative comments on his dislike of lunch and the fact that he seems to have been left to his own devises through a lot of the day instead of being asked to participate in whatever learning the class was doing.

Now we don't know if we should pay the extortionate fees in the hope that this school really is as good as they made it sound or go to the state school and revisit the private idea for secondary.

We also need to consider that we will be moving our daughter out of her current pre-school as we aren't totally happy with it and it would be easier if they were closer together.
ALSO we are expecting out 3rd baby in september so do we want the added stress of a very long commute to this private school and the stress of the fees all when we have just had a baby?

Need some outside voices of reason please.
Thanks

"We want the small class sizes and trying to get away from certain kinds of people that one would hope you avoid in the private system"

The only sort of people you can definitely avoid by going private are poor people...........

I have evolved the following list to give to anyone who claims that their kid's private school is "really quite diverse"

Is there:
anyone with a parent whose been to prison
Any looked after children?
Any parents with facial tattoos?

Thought not.

I can answer yes to the first on that list elltee at a local prep school. More than one parent too.

Yes, I'd have thought that Prep school would just mean a better "class" of criminal - and more likely to be at Ford?
On the other hand their are none of two of those at my DCs State school, and none with facial tattoos at their much more diverse senior school (unless you mean tattooed on eye brows etc - there could be those I suppose).

"The only sort of people you can definitely avoid by going private are poor people..........."

That'll be because the Labour party did away with the assisted places scheme.

OP, I suggest you take Hakluyt with a pinch of salt. She's exceptionally anti independent education. That this particular independent isn't quite what you hoped doesn't mean that you need to dismiss the idea, does it? Are there no others you'd like to consider locally?

Our oldest son's private school class was more diverse than his state school class. It contained: gay parents, lots of politically liberal parents, vegan and vegetarian parents, black parents, parents who like classical music. We didn't find any of these at our local (small village) state primary.

I think we need to move.

Sorry, that was answering Elltee, not really on topic for this thread.

It always makes me laugh when people talk about how diverse their private school classes are. They may very well be culturally or ethnically diverse, but but most definitely not socially or economically.

But that is also true of state sector. How many threads do we see about wanting a particular school/catchment and frustration at admissions time when an "unsuitable" one is allocated. Many are self selective by virtue of religion or location.

We want the small class sizes and trying to get away from certain kinds of people that one would hope you avoid in the private system

Having experience of both private and state schools one of the 'expensive' private schools had lots more 'chavvy' label obsessed and rude children and parents than their current naice comprehensive. It really depends on the individual schools

I was at university with a man who'd been at school with a mass murderer.
The school... Eton.

Haklyut, that depends on where you live. We live in footballer territory, so there are loads of DC whose parents had very working class roots, and though they have money now, they are as different from the genteel lawyers and inherited wealthy as they would be if their dads hadn't been picked for a premier league team.

In our local independent along with footballers' children, there are DC of porn stars and of self made London lads who bought property in the crash and made a fortune. It's a myth there's no diversity. The only lack of diversity, relatively, is economic, though one boy in DS1's class lives in a tiny flat above a shop with his single parent mum, and I presume is on a bursary. And another is an old friend who I know has always been skint and is in a vocational profession that pays low so I presume her DC are all on full bursaries too. No one cares.

In addition to that there is a wide range of children from all ethnic groups - far more so than the catchment dominated outstanding state school which is predominantly white (and middle class.)

On topic in case the OP comes back:
We have just moved our dd out of her state primary to a local prep school, she is 5 and in reception/kindergarten. The move was caused by a lot of factors at her previous school (think bullying/bottom group for everything/low self esteem etc). We visited three schools, hated one, liked another and loved the third.
She went for a taster day at the third school two weeks before the easter holidays. When we arrived the head was eating for us and took dd off to meet her teacher. Then a member of staff in the office rang me at break and lunch to let me know how she was getting on. At home time the kindergarten teacher gave us feedback on her day, showed us her work and told us how she felt she could help dd regain her confidence/identified strengths/weaknesses.
Dd cried for an hour the next day because she had to go back to her old school.
We paid the registration fee the next day.
It was a very professional way to do a taster day, she loved it, we loved her loving it and we immediately had confidence in the school. If that is not how you feel after the taster day, go and see some more schools. Independents are all very different it seems, and you may need to look at some more to find the right fit for you and your son.

Off topic:
We are not wealthy, dh is a plumber and I'm a part time music teacher. My parents are paying half the bill because dd was so very unhappy something had to be done (the school really weren't interested) and there are NO spare state places where we live, not for miles. We live in a shoe box and will have to make lots of sacrifices for this to work. The knackered old megane won't be going anywhere soon. Please don't all assume that private parents are all loaded, there are lots of people who pay the fees because there are no other solutions. (I think I am feeling a bit defensive about it all )

Waiting for us, not eating for us. (must proof read)

That has all gotten very off topic so not gonna comment on most of that but Gonnagle thank you - that is what we were expecting from the taster day.

We will be looking at privates for secondary now unless something goes wrong at this state school.

During my time at senior school 4 girls in my year lost their fathers to prison. 3 were fraud and 1 was a drug dealer. His dd had quite a business going in school.