Move from state primary to private..... your views, please.

[tattygirl]

After months of agonising between private and state primary our daughter started state reception in September. The school is a really nice one and seems very good (in the top 50 in the country according to the Sunday Times). She is happy there. The private primary was also a really nice place and it was a close decision (the fees swung it).

However now we have hit a problem due to childcare before and after school. Both me and hubby work in jobs that often take us well away from home (my place of work is a 100 mile round trip each day). We had a nightmare trying to find a childminder, found one just before September but she's now declared she's pregnant and won't be looking after any more children after Christmas.

Since then I've rung agencies, contacted the local council, put ads up in nurseries and shops, asked at the school (after school club v oversubscribed with a long waiting list). No luck. Family can't help - hubby's parents are abroad and my mum is a 74 year old widow with health problems.

I finally found a nanny agency who have advised me that I can expect to pay about £150 a week for 3 days childcare of the type I'm looking for.
But this equates to more than the fees for the private prep, without the advantages of the really good sports facilities, pre and after school care thrown in and additional in-school holiday clubs.

What do we do? Should we move our 4 year old to the prep or keep her where she's at and pay the nanny's fees. If we pull her out of the state school we couldn't get her back in - it's oversubscribed 4:1, but they haven't been of much help in our predicament. Their only response was 'please let us know asap as there are other children who could take her place'. Thanks a bunch! However, I am worried how my dd will take to the move - I wouldn't forgive myself if any new school was an unhappy experience.

Sorry to waffle on but we are going to have to make a decision v soon. As long as both of us stay in work we could afford the prep school (there is a 2 year old sister who'll be joining her in a couple of years just to add to the mix!).

All opinions will be gratefully received.

I would keep her where she is and pay the nanny. You never know when things might change, after school club opens, someone else starts childminding etc. It seems a shame to make dd start over.

Having said that it is your choice - you obviously know a lot more about both schools etc. There are other advantages to a private education than just academically.

What does gut instinct suggest?

In some ways I wish we'd just gone for the private primary. But having been made redundant in the past my big worry was having to take her out of this school because we couldn't pay the fees.

I went to a state primary and we originally looked at private schools only as a 'fall back' in case we didn't get into the primary we wanted. We were unimpressed by a couple of the private preps we looked at but the one we nearly went for was really lovely - nice, happy bright kids, welcoming headteacher and lots of facilities on offer. As much emphasis placed on the kids becoming 'well rounded' as being academic.

My gut instinct is now totally confused - daughter is ina class of 30. It's a Catholic school (hubby is, I'm not) which she would lose out on if we moved her. We go to mass every Sunday - school is right next to the church so she'll be confused if she can't go to the school but still goes to church.

When she had a try out day (last spring) at the prep school she loved it. Eveery time we drove past the building she'd comment that it was her school...then spent several days explaining why it wasn't!

If we had a 'money is no object' situation I think we'd have plumped for the prep. But it isn't, so we didn't.

We're giving ourselves another month before we start running round like headless chickens in panic!

What do you do with your 2yo? Surely she is a factor too (eg more use from nanny if she is looking after dd2 too)?

What about an au pair if it is just your older one?

Our 2 yr old dd is very happy at her nursery and I'd be loath to move her. It certainly is a factor if we can bear the cost of a nanny for 2 years it can then be divided by two when youngest starts school. I guess I've just been taken aback by the lack of reliable childcare where we live, which isn't exactly the back of beyond.

I wasn't sure about au pairs - only because friends have put me off with horror stories. We've got no facilities for 'live in' either - mum stays with us quite often and I can't really boot her out onto the sofa.

We were really happy with our childminder and would gladly take on another but the particular lady in question is the only one the local auth have had on their books in 12 months that deals with my daughter's school.

And what are your current plans for school holidays/ sick days? (Sorry for the 20 questions, but maybe able to offer a better opinion...)

The questions are very useful... it's helping us put our 'predicament' in context. In terms of holidays the childminder had originally agreed to care for our dd (her son is in our dd's class) so life would have been great! The school doesn't offer holiday clubs - but one of the local prep schools does run one at Easter and summer break.

Sick days would have been trickier - my job is odd in that I'm FT but can work at home 2/3 days a week so we muddle through in that respect, most of my work being done between the hours of 8 p.m and midnight.

The private prep we wavered over laos runs hliday clubs but only for its pupils. Fair enough, I guess.

Hmmm, there is still half-term & Christmas to cover. It does sound as if the prep is more set up to cater for working parents (not always the case).

Personally I think that children can cope with swapping schools, but not on a frequent basis. You're going to have a childcare headache for many years and if there is a shortage of c/minders, and an au pair is out, then I don't think that a nanny will really work for you as you will still need a lot of holiday cover (and most nannies who work part-time do a 2nd job on their "days off").

Personally my children do better in a home environment, so I would use nursery/after-school club as a last resort (other than on a part-time basis). But if yours have thrived at nursery then I would opt for the prep school, and hope against redundancy. Bear in mind that whilst a school is oversubscribed at the start it is genrally easier to get them back in further up the school especially from Year 3 onwards when the class size can be raised. Though if it is in the Top 50 I suspect some parents would still swap out of other schools if they got the chance...

Have to say in the same position I would look at a loft conversion/extension in order to be able to get the live-in help. But that is mainly down to our family dynamics and my large dose of maternal guilt!

Sorry, have rambled - it is always a hard decision!

Sorry - that was appallingly unclear: I'd opt for the extension, but I think that unless that idea instantly appeals to you, you'd be better off with the prep school.

We looked at the after school club (daughter was on the waiting list since March) but it looks after other school's kiddies as well so it is has very few spaces (on the day we looked it scared the living daylights out of us - I think our diddy dd would literally have been trampled on by over enthusiastic 9 year olds - I think it probably suits the older child).

Our daughter also does better in a home setting and I guess I would need to check out the prep after school club in case it didn't cater for the 'infants' separately.

I giigled at the loft conversion idea - we started ours 3 years ago. My hubby is doing it in his spare (?) time and 3 years later....I'm still waiting! We were going to use it to 'hide' from the girls. One day.......

May be move to the private school. Ours has before and after school club which takes them from reception, aged 4. It's a bit of a long day staying in there. I have someone who collected them at 3 and looked after them here until I finished worked at 6.30 which worked well. Didn't want someone living in.

That sounds quite a reasonable cost for the prep school. Does it get more expensive as they get older or cheaper? The financial impact is for a v long time, so you need to consider whether you will want to commit to the next 9 years (including dd2).

The cost will escalate quite a lot once dd2 is at school, to over 1200 pm. When you have such a good state primary (and the siblings rule) it seems a shame to spend so much money on the prep.

Can see your dilemma. Especially with DD1 wanting to go there initially.

Message withdrawn

Thank you for all your replies so far.

In terms of the fees, they certainly do go up but the school is quoted as being 'one of the best value in the area'. By the end of year 6 the fees would be £2500 each per term. It is a big consideration for us and would put other things on hold; bigger house e.t.c.

It really is the childcare issue that is the big problem . If I walk away from my job now chances are I won't be able to get another position as they are few and far between but we don't want to be baked into a corner where this is our only option.

At the time we made the initial decision we weren't convinced we'd done the right thing. DD1 is a bit of a sensitive soul and I would worry if she couldn't make friends at the new school, although with smaller classes perhaps it might be easier?

Our current school is great - but they do know it! The head just wants to know dd's place will be filled - not come up with any ideas as to keeping her at school.

We've set our deadline as the first week in Dec to make the end decision. If we can find a childminder before then I think it might be better to stay put.

Could you advertise locally for someone to collect dd from school and take her back to your house and look after her there, I know a few parents who do that, mainly jobs filled by older women glad for some money, but not wanting to work full time. If current school is good would be tempted to try and keep her there for a bit, and save a bit of cash for senior school fees. I know when DS1 started at his prep-prep school we thought, oh yes fees close to nursery costs, but they do go up, plus all the extras/uniform etc.

Can you insure against being made redundant? I know you can take out mortgage protection, just wondered if there might be a package available.

It could at least take away some of the worry if you did go the private route.

I wouldn't let yourself be put off by the state school. My impression is that some (not all) popular schools develop a very brusque manner towards parents. They know they can get away with being rude, because parents are so desperate to please, having got into the school in the first place. They can become very unhelpful - maybe it is the volume of queries and appeals they deal with, I don't know. Interestingly it used to be independent schools that were more like that with waiting lists before the baby was born etc.

Remember that the school is there for you and for other parents, and it is your right to have that place. Try to ignore them and their rudeness when making your decision - I know it's hard.

If it is the right decision for your family then do it.

Good luck with your decision. It sounds like you can't really lose. Choice between top 50 state school and nice prep. Lucky you!

I'm planning to send my children to prep school at the age of 7 in any case but before then, I believe most state schools are still OK - with many of the state nursery schools (if you can find one) being as good or better than the private ones. I'm a SAHM with a daughter who is due to start a state maintained nursery school next year. If all goes to plan, I will be picking up my neighbour's child too and she will stay at my house until around 18:00. Perhaps you may know of a SAHM who will be willing to do likewise?

I'll certainly try putting an ad in a couple of the local supermarkets - a SAHM would be ideal. DD likes the company of other children at the childminder's so a similar arrangement would suit.

We are still debating about whether to move DD at 7 to prep in any case. We aren't totally for or against state or private - just what's best for her. We know we are very fortunate to have our 'dilemma' - at least we have a choice. Strangely enough when we bought our house the only catchment area that concerned us was proximity to good pubs!

We are a bit fed up with the school's attitude but I suppose from the Head's point of view we are causing her problems.

We have advertised twice on the boards outside newsagents and got two good people to collect our daughter from school and look after her in our home till 6. Our problem has always been that we dont work predictable shifts - so we cant guarantee set days a week. If you can I am sure you will find - and keep - someone good. We always lose ours after a few months as they find other work where the days are guaranteed.

Thank you again for all replies - friends and family have such vastly opposed views that, whilst they were trying to help, we ended up getting more confused.

I'm writing the advertisement cards already! If we can get a local childminder with a bit more flexibility I think this may be at least a short term solution.

We'll revisit the state-private argument when she gets to 7.

I did exactly that this week. My DS is in year 3 and at his school they mix YR 3 and Y4. Therefore 4 classes are then split into 3. My DS was struggling the class size became 32 and he would it very distracting. He is a very gently child and the whole new system was too much for him. He started his new private school on Monday this week and day 4 into it he said to me this morning Mum I am so happy at my new school I can think the children are kind and all helpful to each other. I just wanted to cry!!! it is a huge struggle for us financially we are not rich people. The point I want to make is that you have to go by want is right for the child and NOT for you. The school is very small there are 9 children in the class everyone is very kind,helpful and polite to each other. I do have another child yr1 at the state school I took DS out from. But he is extremely different from DS. He is very vocal and cope better with noise and distractions around him. DS new school is very encouraging also and builds confident in the children somethind his old school never did. DS needs to be told he is doind well a confidence boost. My advice do what is right for the child My other DS may stay at the school he is now if he is able to cope with it. As parents I do not feel I HAVE to send both to a private school I have to do what is right for each child individually.