Proportion of ethnic students in Independent schools

[snannak]

How can I find out the number of ethnic minority students in an independent school/class?

Can I phone the school and ask the question directly?

Myself and my wife are Asians and our daughter goes to an independent school which has predominantly white population due to the area. Even though she enjoys the school and hasn't made any complaint, I always wonder how many of her classmates will become true long term friends when she leaves the school.

We all know school friends are very important for someones life.

Wondering whether to change her to an independent school which has higher proportion of ethnic minority students? This will involve relocating to a different town which is annoying.

By and large, the more Asians there are in the local population, the more there will be in the school. So a large contingent of Asians at NLCS as the surrounding area has a high Asian population, probably less at other London schools, though London being so multicultural, any school is going to be mixed. You could ring the school, but I'd try to do it without giving your name as I think such a call might mark you out as a potentially difficult parent.

I know that schools would have the answer as each child's ethnicity will be recorded as part of their personal details on the school system.

So you could ask. I don't know whether or not they would tell you. I can't see why not but I might be missing something.

ISI reports often state the % of non UK based children are at a boarding schools.

Are you saying you only want your DD to make life long friends with fellow Asians. If a white person came on saying this the thread would be reported.

Why does it matter?

OP - I completely understand where you are coming from and please ignore the unpleasant posters who are dismissing your concerns.

We all need some friends with whom we share a cultural heritage and I think it is fine to ring an admissions officer and to ask whether your own family's particular cultural heritage is represented in the pupil body.

Indeed bonsoir.

Same reason but the other way round why we came to realise that Tiffin school would not be suitable for DS.

Hillingdon, I think you are twisting what the OP is saying.

FWIW, I was the only person from my ethnic background in my year at school, and I made plenty of life-long friends.

My daughters went to a (London) independent school. They both have Asian friends, as well as friends from other cultures, that will be friends for life. There were South Asian cliques (bonding over a culture including restrictions on their social life, future arranged marriages, films etc) and other cliques bonding over complete absence of boundaries, binge drinking different social mores. Generally teenagers bond with those they have values in common with, as well as personality, hopefully more the latter than the former. It got more relaxed the older they became, teenagers are not very tolerant of difference but it is part of growing up to learn to respect difference.

I understand where OP is coming from and I do think the difference between South Asians and East Asians is that East Asians would actively look for a school with the least amount of their own brethren. So yes I did ask the school about the percentage of Chinese and HK Chinese at the school.

It has worked out quite well DD is now friends with most of the local day girls but not all. She has two close friends one is Russian (I know what can you say) the other local. The local flew out with her to HK for easter holidays. Which I don't understand they board together for the term and they want to be together for the holidays?

I don't think it matters what colour or creed you are like minds will stick together and friendships formed in high school are hopefully forever.

I forget to add OP most of DD's friends from boarding apart from the two mentioned are a Singaporean, Malaysian?Korean , 3 from mainland China, 2 from HK china and a Kenyan. Tbh the 2 from HK don't really talk to my daughter and they don't meet up in HK either. So its not really that essential to have friends of the same race....

What OP says makes perfect sense! Yes the children all play together at school, but they usually become closer to the ones whose parents their own parents like. In my experience the White children usually have a closer affinity for the other white children no matter how much they like their Asian friends personality. It is a fact, an unpleasant one but that's how it is.

That's not to say there won't be the odd child who is white and makes lifelong friends with a child of a different ethnicity, but it not often enough.

OP, there is absolutely no reason why you can't ring and ask, just be honest that it's something you're concerned about. Their not going to mark you as a problem parent just for asking, and if they do, then that's one school to strike off your list.

I disagree that schoolfriends become lifelong friends for everyone.

I also disagree that you need your close friends to be from the same ethnic group as yourselves

I also think there are plenty of places to make friends outside of school - including many, many groups formed around the basis that you share a heritage.... the Irish Clubs, the Polish Choir, The Chinese Church, The Carribean Clubs, etc.,etc... if that's what is important to you.

backforgood nobody said school friends become lifelong friends for EVERYONE, the point is that you would hope some will become long term.

Equally OP didn't say dc friends HAVE to be of the same ethnicity as them. What we are saying is, from the experience of a minority in the U.K, having very few kids as the same ethnicity as you limits your friendship circle. Not because the ethnic child doesn't want to be friends as in my experience but because the white kids and their parents have a preference.

My dc are in a very diverse prep school but it's clear there is a divide! A case in point, boy in ds's class is having a birthday, all the boys invited, everyone accepted and turned up birthday boys house. At pickup we just found out 8 of the boys out of 15 have been invited for a sleepover and more fun and games. The 8 boys are all the white boys in the year. None of the Asian boys and Chinese boys of the remaining 7 were included. What makes it weirder, we live just a street away from birthday boy. But we've accepted it as just one of those things, we know the issue is race and some of the Asian mums have already mentioned it with a quiete eye roll.

No point pretending we're all race blind and happy and cheerful, that's bollocks!

What a sad thread! My (mixed race) dd goes to a state school and has close friends of various ethnicities. It had not occurred to me that she wouldn't stay in touch with them later because they don't happen to share her ethnic background.

What dd and her friends do have in common is similar interests, compatible values and many happy memories of a shared childhood. I would like to think that this will see them through.

I certainly wouldn't pay for a school where there was so little integration.

Does she have close friends now?
You say she is happy.
Why have you suddenly thought of this now rather than when you first looked at schools?
You would seriously move house to a different town to move a child who is happy in school to a new school with a different ethnic mix?
Have you not been to a parents evening or even just the school gate and observed the general mix? I could make a very accurate assessment of my DC's school's make up from personal knowledge of the families (primary) and daily chat from DC (Secondary).
I would not ideally choose to have a minority ethnic child as the only one in a class which was otherwise mono, but how can you not know by now?

Kampeki - Sad it may be. But that's the reality, I took my rose tinted glasses off years ago, when I couldn't ignore the obvious anymore.

I think your worries are misplaced. Both my children have best friends that are of a completely different ethnic background to them/us. The friends' parents though share very similar views and have similar hopes for their children as DH and I do.

It's an interesting question. We tolerate faith schools on the basis that people don't just want RE, they want to be part of a faith community and for their children's friends (and parents) to be part of that community to. If you accept this then it is hypocritical to be judgmental about the poster's question.

I went to a predominately white middle class school. There were a mix of faiths amongst that but very few African/Asian descent students. The few that there were are very much friends with others (and me in one case) at the school (25+ years later). That said, there were one or two idiots at the school whose parents were also idiots and were, frankly, a bit racist behind their backs. That is sadly probably still true today - there will always be on or two idiots, but the majority ignored them when it came up.

Out of interest, how would you feel about your daughter marrying someone from outside your heritage/community/ethnicity? A bit of a fireball question, which you must feel free to ignore .....

The best way of gauging the ethnic diversity of a school is to arrange a tour on a normal school day. There is nothing better than seeing for yourself.
Part of the reason we chose DS independent school was that it is very ethnically diverse and being non white we wanted a school that was ethnically diverse. I had experience of attending a 99% white school and a 70% ethnic minority school and I preferred being at a school which had a wide mix of ethnicities. It wasn't to do with forming friendships but more to do with not feeling very different and struggling with my identity in adolescence.

Kampeki - Sad it may be. But that's the reality, I took my rose tinted glasses off years ago, when I couldn't ignore the obvious anymore.

I'm sorry that that's your experience. Mine is different. I have longstanding close friendships with people from different ethnic backgrounds that have stood the test of time. In fact, the only friend I'm still in touch with from school, 25 years on, happens to be from a different ethnic background to my own. Probably the closest friend that I've made as an adult is also from a different ethnicity to me.

I don't think it has anything to do with rose tinted spectacles. I guess we're all inclined to base our assumptions on our own personal experience.

I can understand the OP not wanting his/her dc to be the only one from a BME background in an all-white school. I would not want that for my dd either - I think diversity is important. What I cannot really understand is the desire for there to be others of the same ethnic background, as I don't feel that this is particularly important at all.

Faceofnubia IME in younger years invitations for sleepovers usually depend on how well the parents know each other. In prep schools that may arise from a lot of standing around watching sports fixtures. If you are good friends with the parents then I would definitely find the situation a bit odd.

The answer is simple - go to an open day and look around. But the admissions office might give you a helpful vague answer over the phone if you explain that you are asking because you don't want your DD to be the only BME student in her class and not because you're a Nazi.

IME London private secondary schools run at about 10-20 percent BME with East Asian children over-represented relative to local population and Afro-Caribbean children underrepresented. But it varies by school of course so just visit/ask.

I think it's an interesting question.

Not sure if it is relevant - just because another childs family originated from a particular part of the world doesn't make it more likely that the kids will become lifelong buddies.

Ive seen threads where parents have voiced concerns about being the only xx kid/family in a school.

At DSs school it's pretty mixed but not cliquey at all. Parents don't huddle in school gate groups along race/religion/whatever lines. His mates are from all over the world, but they are all 'Londin kids'.

DH hasn't got any pals from where his family is from - in fact his best mates from school are from a wide range of religions and family origins. It just isn't an issue -what keeps them is friend is a common experience of life, school, music, films...

I am a bit confused OP. You are saying that your DD is already at this school? Surely you must know the mix in her year?

I went to a London independent, there were maybe 30% non-White girls (myself included). 5 out of 28 in my class, just scanning through the register in my head. All of my friends were white, I think we bonded more over hobbies, academic ability than our skin colour. Saying that, I'm not friends with anyone from school anymore, so maybe I am in line with your thinking!

My sister went to the same school and is still good friends with many of her classmates, of all skin colours (they were bridesmaids at her wedding).

My (white) boys went to an independent in London, there was a higher proportion of minorities but I don't think they even noticed skin colour.

Now they're at a rural state school with maybe 5 non-White children from 200. All their friends are white but that's more numbers than anything else.