Private primary followed by state secondary school - will kids revolt?

[Bluebear]

We are moving house and are thinking of putting the children into a small local private school for a number of reasons...but mainly its ethos, it's the only local school with a nursery/pre-school, and it offers late sessions which will mean that we will not have to employ a nanny/au pair for the couple of days that I can't do the school pick up (no local childminders take school age children!).
We were thinking that we could put the children into the school until they reached the age where they would (in the state system) transfer to secondary school, and then move them into the excellent local secondary...so we would only be paying school fees for another 7 years.
I spoke to a parent of older children about this and he said that the children would never settle in a state secondary after a private primary (particularly as this private school goes from nursery up to A levels so there will be a lot of classmates staying on there).
Has anyone any experience of this?

Dp went to private boarding secondary and then his parents decided to come back home from abroad and put him in 6th form tech college
HE detested it and barely got enough to get into uni. this was from being a straight A at private school.
If you were moving areas it might be easier but all the kids will know they were at private and it might cause some problems.
But kids have to adapt to what you choose in the end.

it is a very small private school - ds's class will be 6 children! - I was going to make an effort to get them to mix with other children outside of school (cubs etc). There is only 1 state secondary for a very large area so all the other children will be going there....but I am worrying about bullying etc (I got bullied for being 'posh' at secondary school just because I had a slight accent ( actually semi-yorkshire), but that was by children who had known me and my family since I was 4.)
We could probably afford fees until A level but then would n't be able to help them financially if they wanted to go to University - would prefer to save the school money and support them when there is no 'free' alternative.
Thanks Piffle.

I did this - private primary to State grammar, and hated every day. I was bullied for being different. It was only in the 6th form, when new children joined that I actually managed to make friends.

oh well, seemed like a good idea at the time

Bluebear, it can work. Our dcs are at a smallish, non-academically selective private primary and every year the Yr 6s transfer into a variety of local state and private schools. The feedback is that children from our school don't have any problem fitting in.
It has to be said, though, frankly, that the state schools are almost always the local grammars and the good non-selective ones. Where numerous other children from the private sector also transfer to.
If I were you I'd have an honest discussion with the head of the private school about this issue - ask what they do to prepare children transferring out at 11.
I would also consider whether there are other private schools locally or whether yours really is the only one.

In our area some children at private prep schools go to Watford Grammar and grammars in Bucks if they get in so move to the state system. It can be hard if the accent and wealth of the family is different and they have a feel that they're moving to something free and have a person dislike for that but lots manage fine. I think if you're choosing whether to pay secondary or university go for school secondary. At university by then the rules may have changed and funding - even this year they have - no fees to pay (unless you choose to) and they pay when they earn years later, and they can get jobs in holidays and also in 10 years' time your incomes may be bigger anyway so you can afford more.

My children were pushed to make friends outside school whilst at private primary, god knows I tried but the truth is they are all friends with their classmates. I moved my children from private to state primary and they all have a best friend now, where as in classes of 11ish they never did. At Rainbows swimming etc though the kids all stick with the friends they know from school in little groups, sad but true.
I'm paying for private if they don't pass the 11+ or I don't think things are going well after year 7.

Message withdrawn

Bluebear, one of my friend's has just done this with her eldest daughter - and plans to do it with her youngest too. Her dd1 transferred from a small girls prep school to pretty much a bog standard comprehensive - she knew no-one else going there and I thought she would hate it. She doesn't though ! She was quickly elected class rep and has made lots of friends and is doing really well there. She still sees her "old friends" mainly at weekends - but is increasingly wanting to meet up with her "new friends" - it all seems to be working very well for them anyway.

She's just started her second year at the state comprehensive btw.

My DS went from private primary (Y3 to Y6) to state grammar school and hasn't had any problems at all. His biggest trauma was going from co-ed to all boys.

My DD went from private secondary (Y7 to Y11) into a state grammar for 6th form and went totally off the rails- from all As and A*s at GCSE she got DDDD for AS and not much better for A2. With hindsight we shouldn't have moved her but unfortunately we didn't have a choice (Assisted Place where once our wages went up a little bit the fees went up a lot). Having said that, she fitted in just fine with the other students.

Hi - i went from v small prep (about 100) to a comprehensive of over 1000. i was v quiet for the first year (year 7) but after that no stopping me and i had a blast - wide social life, loads of drama and sport and did ok at o'levels. where i live now there are loads of kids who swap from private to secondary state anD some who go from state to private at 6th form. think it just depends on your attitude and it doesn't have to be justfied in any way - it's your decision.

My feeling is that it would probably be fine if it was just a primary, and the children all moved on to a variety of schools, but I think if your children want to stay on, and their classmates all are, it will be a huge emotional upheaval for you all, telling them they have to leave. I think this would be the case wherever they were going to. There's no equivalent primary-only, is there?

Wow - lots of responses, thanks to everyone!

Part of my justification for the school fees is that, since I work, I will have to pay about the same amount as the school fees for some sort of childcarer (nanny/childminder) until they are in year 6 anyway...and since the private school includes care from 8am to 5.45 if required, I will be getting childcare plus school with nice ethos at the same price.
But once they are at secondarly school level I wasn't expecting to have to pay for childcare so at that point the school fees will start feeling like a big luxury...which as I said before..we can afford them..but it means we won't have as much to help them with if they want to extend their studies.
Tamum, I thought the same as you - if this school was primary only then there wouldn't be so much of an issue..as far as I can see it's the only local one..and we haven't looked at it because it's a private school, but because of its ethos and convienience and because it has places in the nursery.
We could take the gamble - put them in now and talk to them nearer the time about our options as a family.
Thanks for everyone's thoughts and suggestions - I'm sure I'll mull this over a few times over the next few months!

Other consideration is that the private school would mean no chance of a 3rd baby bear..whereas a nanny would mean that we'd have to have a 3rd to keep them busy

Oh blimey then, state + nanny it is!

Don''t think the world is ready for another of my offspring tamum!

I negotiated 3 for 2 with our old school, you could try that ?

LOL Hideehi - if only they would take them into their nursery at 12 months old

Pretty sure we aren't going to try for another one, (dh wants one but I am not!), maybe I can give dh the decision - private school (which he really likes) plus vasectomy versus state and possible baby....

My DD went to a private Junior and then the local Comp at Year 7. Although some others did the same private/state transition, no-one else went to her High School. However, she has settled well and has made many friends.

She was apprehensive at first because she thought that she wouldn't know anyone but then realised that she did know some people from Brownies / playgroup / etc. She is socially confident, which helps. Also, the Secondary only takes about two-thirds of its intake from its feeder Juniors; which means that the remaining large minority are all strangers from a wide variety of places.

Basically it depends on the specific, particular combination of (a) your child and (b) the school.

Remember that all the year 7s will be transferring from other schools - some of them tiny. In our area, for example there are lats of primary schools feeding a few secondary schools. Several of the feeder primaries have less than 100 pupils. You may find the situation is the same in your area. Check out the state primaries first though - you may be surprised by how good they are, then you'll mave lots of lovely money left over for the really important things in life - like holidays and riding lessons and shoes!

Thanks for your replies - From what I can work out, there is a v large state secondary and a grammar and these are fed by lots of primaries, some of which are very tiny village schools so there should be a good mix in the year 7s.
I'm glad your daughter has settled well Wychbold, good to know it can be done!
The state primaries are excellent - it's just that I would have to pay out for childcare of some sort then, and dd would not get a place until reception so would miss out on nursery, so we wouldn't have more money in the short term....but might be able to have an au pair rather than a nanny in a couple of years time, so would only have to pay out a lot for the next couple of years.
I have a few months before a decision needs to be made (we are only at the beginning of the house move nightmare) so will talk to headteachers, and research the schools a bit more (and childcare options too)
Thanks all.

Hello, My son will be going to school in September (Blackheath Village SE3) and I am looking for someone to pick him up after school around 4pm. Does anyone know someone? Regards . Sbatika

One of my sons best friends went from private prep (4-18)to local high school and it has been a huge success.Problems can occur I think if your child really relishes the competitive sport at the private as the transition to less sport at state secondary can be dissapointing,same can be true of music depending of course on the schools,but on the whole weknow a number who have made this change successfully

Loadsof people do it around us, as private primaries can practise 11+ tests ad infinitum (state schools are only allowed 2 practices). Because of this 'tuition' (effectively included in the school fees) quite a few pupils in the local state grammar schools are from very well-off families.

I know a fair few people (especially DC of staff) from DS's school (prep with no directly attached secondary) go from there to the local comp - and it seems to work well. The children concerned need to be fairly self-confident, IMO, but then that seems to be an attribute that the (prep) school is very good at developing.