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Original poster

Concert out of hours - does DC HAVE to go?

22 replies

Inbedatlast · 06/03/2015 22:56

There is a singing festival about to happen which is after school. My question is does my DC have to attend? The school says yes and pestered me for money for him to attend (which I gave them) - they are supplying a coach to transport the children to the venue but we have to collect them from the venue after! The children are taken to the concert at 3.15 and we have to pick them up at 7.00 which seems a long time. My DC cannot sing and has no interest in singing so doesn't want to go and to be frank I don't want to drive 15 miles in the dark to collect DC!! Am I within my rights to say DC won't be attending? Urgent help needed as this is next week!!

OP posts:

morethanpotatoprints · 06/03/2015 23:01

He's not going to have an interest if he doesn't experience it is he?
He isn't going to have an interest if you don't support him?
If it is a concert can you not attend and enjoy watching him, he might really enjoy it once he gets into it.
Often it isn't about the singing but doing something with class/ school mates.
I find your attitude bizarre (spel)?

zipzap · 06/03/2015 23:07

No idea about the legality of it but I don't see how they can make it compulsory as some children and/or parents are going to have other commitments on some weekday nights.

And to not bring the children back to school but expect parents to pick them up from 15 miles away is a massive cheek.

I'd tell them that I now you have had a chance to check you realise that you have an unavoidable commitment that makes it impossible for your dc to go, that you are refusing permission and you want your money back (or arrange with another friend's parent if they haven't paid that they will pay you and your money will be reallocated to your friend's name).

And that if they refuse, you will be checking with ofsted to find out exactly how legal their requirements and arrangements are for the event!

AgentProvocateur · 06/03/2015 23:08

Yes, he should go. They've committed to it as a class, so what message are you giving him if you pull him out? They'll have been practicing and they'll talk about it afterwards. If you don't want to drive in the dark, speak to another parent. Be supportive.

BackforGood · 06/03/2015 23:09

If it's something like 'Young Voices' he will be one of thousands singing - you don't have to have a great voice, but it is a WONDERFUL thing to experience, being part of such a great number all singing together.

Of course you don't have to let him go, but it seems odd to pay, then withdraw him.

It would also be a shame for him to miss out on the experience.

If collecting is a real issue then why not get together with another parent who is going, to see if he can jump in with them?

Original poster

Inbedatlast · 06/03/2015 23:10

DC has already been to a practice and hated it. I am trying to support DC and have told DC that they have to go but that hasn't helped and DC is very upset. I am merely asking if DC HAS to attend not whether he should. Your attitude is inappropriate and unhelpful to be frank.

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Original poster

Inbedatlast · 06/03/2015 23:14

Sorry, last message addressed to morethanpotatoprints as their reply seemed rather aggressive and unhelpful.

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dementedpixie · 06/03/2015 23:17

if he isn't interested and it is inconvenient for you then I would not make him attend. They can't force you to go and it is not even in school time and not relevant to their education

zipzap · 06/03/2015 23:19

Surely it's besides the point if the class has committed to it or not. They can't commit you to do something if it's not in school time. If it was during the school day it would be different. But in the evening - tough. And if you feel that they bullied you into paying to go then I'd take a deep breath and go in to school, revoke permission, say you were bullied into paying despite not wanting to and say that you'll be picking your child up as normal. And if they take him regardless - kick up a massive fuss.

Oh and I'd make sure that I got all that in writing to them too, so they couldn't turn around and say that you didn't tell them that he couldn't go.

Surely it's bizarre of the school to expect that everybody in the school or class or year would be able to go to an event like this after school anyway.

And whilst some dc might love experiences like this, there are some that will hate it. or they might hate the fact that they got to school the next morning and their friends were raving about how brilliant it was - maybe the next time they will then want to try it out. Just because some kids will love it doesn't mean that they should all have to take part.

Smartiepants79 · 06/03/2015 23:20

No he doesn't HAVE to attend.
It is a nice opportunity though. If he enjoys school and being with his peers then it should be good fun and something to remember.
He will 'miss out' if he doesn't go. All the others will have gone and it will be the topic of conversation for a few days.
It won't be the end of the world if he doesn't go but i would be heavily encouraging it if it was me.
The singing is really quite a small part of the whole experience.

Original poster

Inbedatlast · 06/03/2015 23:32

Thank you for your kind help. I just wanted to know if legally DC had to attend. I paid in the hope DC would go and don't mind about wasting the money, but DC so upset after doing practice today that I didn't know what to do. I will still try to encourage DC to attend as I want DC to try everything but I just wanted to know where I stood legally so to speak. I will get in touch with the teacher at the last minute (well, not quite that short notice!) to withdraw my permission if there is no improvement on my situation :-(

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morethanpotatoprints · 06/03/2015 23:38

Inbed

You have supported him in trying to get him involved by the sounds of your last post and you didn't say that he was upset neither in your first post.
Had I realised this I wouldn't have been so aggressive in my response.

I apologise for reading it like you couldn't be arsed.

Smartiepants79 · 06/03/2015 23:43

Do you know why he disliked it so much?
I would speak to his teacher and explain how upset he is and see if you can come up with something to help him enjoy it more.

dementedpixie · 06/03/2015 23:45

of course he does not legally have to attend, it is outside school hours.

Original poster

Inbedatlast · 06/03/2015 23:45

Thanks Morethan, I was worried you were a troll but I can see I didn't explain enough in my original post. I do really try to encourage every new experience but so hard today when DC came home and spent the rest of the day almost in tears begging not to go :-( Just wanted to know if I could tell the school DC wouldn't attend if it came to that. I am still trying to talk it up and I still have few more days so fingers crossed.

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Original poster

Inbedatlast · 06/03/2015 23:52

Smartiepants, can't get that out of him but he is a quiet kid so maybe too many people there, though he loves doing the school plays so not sure. And I am fairly sure a talk from the teacher won't help as, though shy, he is headstrong!

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TheRealMaryMillington · 06/03/2015 23:58

No he doesn't have to go

And the school has to have your consent for him to participate

And you can withdraw that consent at any point

And you don't have to explain your reasons

I wouldn't make my kid do something extracurricular if they really were distressed about being pressured to do. (had something similar with uber sensitive DD, she was having sleepless nights and crying with anxiety 6 weeks beforehand) Not worth it.

TywysogesGymraeg · 07/03/2015 00:04

Could you ask if he could go and not sing? The teacher may be able to find him an "important job". There are ways of contributing to the class effort other than joining in with the singing and he might not want to miss out once he gets tbere

Original poster

Inbedatlast · 07/03/2015 00:13

Thanks Real, sometimes you can encourage them and sometimes not... thinking this is one of those times where I can't force the issue but I will keep up with the gentle encouragement and hope it works. At least now I know he can't be made to go so that takes some pressure off the situation and I can look at it with a clearer head.

And not sure the school is that flexible Tywysog lol, but that sounds great for another time tbh.

Thanks for everyones help - I feel more in control of the situation now I know my rights :-)

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TywysogesGymraeg · 07/03/2015 00:15

Well, the school should be that flexible. They should recognise that children have different skills and talents, likes and dislikes, and encourage each child to contribute in his/her own way.

Original poster

Inbedatlast · 07/03/2015 00:23

Should also add that I don't really care about collecting DC after dark from 15miles away (apart from the cheek of the school for picking my kid up and dropping him miles away!). My original post sounded like it was all about me :-( I would travel anywhere in the world to collect DC if I needed to... the main point (I didn't really make!) was that DC doesn't want to go and I just wanted to know if he was legally obliged to go if I couldn't persuade him it was a good thing.

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leccybill · 07/03/2015 09:22

What about parents who don't drive?
I think they should be bringing them back to school at the end of the evening.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 07/03/2015 09:40

The pick up thing is probably because they expect some parents to watch, and it might actually be closer to home for some to be picked up from there and it's much harder to keep track of everybody if you're taking half back and parents are picking half up. It's also expensive to book a coach and then have it sitting around for a couple of hours before heading back.

Anyway, it's a shame he doesn't want to do it, but they can't actually force him. I'm surprised (and sorry) he's so upset about it - they should be making it sound fun and exciting, not like some sort of ordeal! Maybe you could go and watch this year then he'd know a bit more about it for next year?

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