How can you spot 'great pastoral care' in a boarding school?

[TJsWife]

We're looking for an senior school for ds to join in yr 9 (after CE). He has SN and requires medication daily, he also has learning support.
All the schools claim to provide learning support and have no problems administering his meds. How do we actually differentiate between a school with very good pastoral care and those were ds might struggle a bit more. He is a lively boy, art and music are his things but also enjoys team sports though not necessarily in top teams for those except Ruby.

He is very popular with lots of friends, but his behaviour can sometimes rub teachers up the wrong way. He flexi-boards at the moment and thoroughly enjoys it and wants to full board. So far we've shortlisted, Bedford school, Bradfield college and St Edward's. How can we differentiate between levels of pastoral care or the degree to which a school might be sympathetic to his needs, is this even possible?

Bump.

I think you have to meet with the schools, with specific House Masters and perhaps more importantly Dames/ Matrons, and get a feel for it yourself. Narrow down the schools you visit by seeking peoples opinions and advice, but be wary that many are subjective and personal experiences not necessarily relevant to you.

In the process of choosing school for our own DS and a lot of it comes down to the infamous "gut feeling" at the end of the day.

All the best of luck!

I think meeting HM's and matrons is very helpful, especially if you're then able to choose your boarding house, not so helpful of course if you can't.
I had a good gut feeling about our HM, and I'm relived to say I was correct. Of course he's not perfect but I felt he really cared about the boys. I watched him with them, listened to the way he talked about them, he seemed genuinely caring and took his responsibilities very seriously and it is a big responsibility, 24/7 33 weeks of the year, I wouldn't want to do it.
Secondly talk to the children, watch them, not on the open day but if possible when they're not in show, do they look happy and relaxed, watch them with the staff, the relationship between boarders and staff is always going to be more informal than in a day school, do the children interact well with the staff, do the staff appear friendly and approachable? Matrons are very important in many schools, how does she seem to you? I think they should be a mother figure, IMO they don't have to be Boden clad yummy mummies what sort of people are they? I'm not saying Boden clad yummy mummies aren't any good at the job but it's not a prerequisite for it. Their role is often pastoral but also house keeping as well. Can you imagine her stitching on labels with one hand, revising French verbs with yr 11s, clearing up vomit with the other and being kind and caring to your DC at the same time, whilst she also looks for the second time this week for 5 pairs of lost trainers, surrounded by 60 boys who as adolescents are going through a massive change both physically and mentally and nagging parents? Again I wouldn't want to do it. What hours do the matrons work, how available are they? If he requires daily medication who is going to give it to him or can he self medicate? What would you prefer?
With regard to learning support go and meet the head of the LS dept, do they seem interested in your DS? Do they listen to what you think he needs? DS1 (moderate dyslexia) once looked at a school with a reputation for being strong in LS, the teacher explained that they placed a lot of emphasis on reading and comprehension, DS1 pointed out that reading and comprehension were not his problems it was writing and processing that were, the teacher just carried on talking about how he would not do a second MFL but come to the LS dept where they would concentrate on his reading and comprehension, again he pointed out that this was not his problem, the teacher went onto say how in year 10 they would build on his new found skills in reading and comprehension! Needless to say we never went back.

You can't. That's the brutal truth. You can do all the research, ask all the right questions, get all the right answers.....but you can never be sure whether it's what your child needs until it's actually been tested "in the field". That's not a criticism- it could be perfect for your child but ghastly for a different one. All you can do is try- and be incredibly alert.

Thanks very much for your replies. We are currently visiting schools but wondered what to look out for. The one HM we've met so far we can definitely imagine stitching on labels. Lovely warm lady and on our way out she also conspiratorilly told us 'this is the best house' . tinkerbell I totally agree with what you said about gut feeling, we visited Stowe but just couldn't seem to like it, couldn't quite put my finger on why, but dh had the same feeling.Hakluyt You are 100% correct in that what is a wonderful experience for one child could be a nightmare for another, we will just have to be very alert.

One bit of advice I'd give is that you try to get him into a house where the housemaster and matron are likely to be in post for all his time at the school.

Grovel Yes, i forgot to ask about this at our first school visit, thank you.

Having worked in a boys boarding school similar to the ones mentioned in your OP I would recommend looking at individual boarding houses within the schools and going with your gut feeling. We used to place boys depending on their personalities and interests, whilst still ensuring a fair spread of talent across the houses (so that house rugby wasn't a given!) the housemaster has an enormous bearing on the atmosphere of a house. You want someone absolutely firm but with a sense of humour and a genuine interest in the boys. They should be a workaholic, as otherwise they won't be doing their jobs properly! Ask the boys what they do on their birthday in house, that's always a good indicator of a 'family feel'.

I agree with Hak.....you will never know. On the face of it my DD's HM looks like a HM..yet she is really really caring. She loves each and every one of her charges as if they were her own. I disagree with the houses. The boarding staff have realised my DD and her two friends are from three different houses. They have asked to board in the same room. They will be given private rooms next to each other next year. I think you just need to try it. I'm not sure about other schools but when we went to take DD to school. You can see the Boarding staff interact with the children. That is when you know.