How much do you earn??

[Limpetsmum]

I know this sounds very rude but I just dont get how people afford private education.
My husband and I have good jobs and probably earn a take home wage of £6000/month between us ie after tax, student loans, pension etc. And that's with doing extra Hours to top up income. We both work full time and are exhausted!
Childcare comes to £2000/month. Mortgage current £1000 (but likly to go up when we move soon). Bills guessing around £600. We have no savings but have investments in property.
I would love to privately educate our kids and our combined wage will probably go up by about £1000/month in a years time - but I struggle to see how we would afford private education. I don't think we can for 3 kids.
But having said that, on paper we earn good money and I just don't get how others afford private education.
Those who privately educate - do you earn a lot more than us - or have you come into money/inheritance to fund education?
Sorry to sound so rude by asking the question but I presume as it's anonymous I might get some replies! Maybe we're just really bad at managing finances....

Very interesting thread.

See Fugacity, we've tried that. We're not tough enough!

It's made us miserable having like £50 left each month after school fees etc have been paid.

We want to have some good family time instead of stressing about money all the time.

winkywinkola Richmond House Prep School, Yorkshire. My friend does say that it is fairly typical of prep school fees in the North. My cousin sends her DC to another prep school in Leeds, The Froebelian School which has similar school fees. No idea where they intend to send them for secondary though.

O.k - Academics are important to you. So, is the most academic school in your area an independent one then as it is in mine? If I was in your shoes, I would go state primary and save/invest more for secondary school fees. If you have 3 under 3.5 yrs old, you have the luxury of 7 more years to earn more. The alternative is to relax - your kids are babies who haven't even started reception yet. Seriously, your kids will be fine at state primaries and most probably also at state secondaries. For comparison's sake, my local state secondary is really dire - how does 55% A - C GCSE pass rate sound? I have little real choice unless we move at least 30 miles away which isn't a practical choice for us.

Prep fees of anything between £6k and £8k is the norm in the North (or Greater manchester and Cheshire at least). Senior school day fees are averaging about £11k pa in Greater Manchester, so it is much cheaper than elsewhere in the country.

I know you said this:
Myron - our current lifestyle isn't particularly flush. Our house is less than £300k (hence the 1k mortgage) and yes, I don't want to compromise on what I already think is a fairly humble existence (for our wage). We go on one holiday abroad a year (and if we want to travel further a field or splash out, then we work extra hours at work with a view to paying for holiday or any other lifestyle extras. Spa days/shopping sprees are a non occurrence for us.
But yes, we do have the cash to afford lunch out and if we wanted to stay in a hotel overnight for a friends wedding, we would fork out the cost. But not just splash out on a random weekend away for no reason.
As for moving up the property ladder - I know a lot of mums wouldn't prioritise that, but I would like a nicer house and gain in pay over next year will cover that plus a bit extra. As for further investment property, we would jig about equity in the two properties we have to hopefully purchase another. We're in the north and so a 2/3 bed terrace can be picked up for £100k.

But actually a lot of the things you spend money on are luxuries. You don't live a humble existence by any stretch of the imagination. It's okay to spend your cash however you wish but it might be helpful to recognise that it is those spending habits that are preventing you from being able to afford private education. The £5k annual holiday is enough for two terms of prep fees for one of your children, add in the gym membership and that is one child's fees sorted in full.
Some people, like yourself prefer expensive holidays, investment properties and expensive gym memberships etc whilst others prefer private education for their children. Neither preference is wrong.

We are having a discussion about this now. We have an income of about£230k, a massive mortgage (£400k), live in London and have 2 DSs. I was privately educated, DH wasn't.

Yes we could send them private if we really really wanted to. But I am not sure that I do. They are both bright and doing well at state primary. There is an outstanding comp near us that I hope DS 1 will go to. There are several big named private schools near us, but while I think the boys would fit in, the arguments against are...

1. I didn't really enjoy private school.
2. I don't want them mixing with the super rich and becoming super entitled.
3. I think universities will increasingly discriminate against private pupils.
4. I like my lifestyle. The kids lie it too.
5. I don't think that the boys will be disadvantaged by going state.... If they get into the comp I like. If they don't, we think Plan B will be private.

arna - your "dire" school with a 55% A*-C pass rate is about National Average, not "dire." It's a pretty pointless statistic to look at anyway, as it lumps in a mass of children who have very little in common in terms of intelligence and family background, being a comprehensive and all that... If you like statistics, you ought to pay more attention to figures on progress and attainment of different groups of children within the school: those figures, published by the DfE, are divided up by lower ability, middle ability and higher ability children (as based on the level they are working at on entry to the school) and track those children as separate groups, and also separate out for analysis, eg, Pupil Premium children and SEN children (another rather broad category), to indicate how well they are being served by the school in question. At least then you will get a slightly better idea of how a particular school will deal with children with a profile more like yours, and what sort of percentage of children in the school will be of your children's sort of ability level.

DH and I have a joint income of about £150k but that is recent as it has gone up quite significantly (by about £20k). We have DD in prep at about £10k pa and DS in a private nursery at about £12k pa. We also afford nice holidays, think long haul flights and ski-ing about twice a year and are about to upgrade our house so mortgage is £1,500 a month ish. DH does get an annual bonus which essentially pays for holidays and big extras. But we live a very comfortable lifestyle, the children have outside clubs and activities, we go out for dinner or book the odd night away for a break etc and have gym membership.

We are very careful with our money in terms of knowing where it all goes and DH drive a very battered old Volvo which he is incredibly proud of as it cost him £2k over 5years ago and is still going strong but I struggle to see how people on equivalent/similar incomes are struggling. I can totally see how OP can't afford 3 without sacrifices, but I really don't think it would bring quality of life down so low

OPs household income is £6k (not including rental income). Take out £1k for mortgage and £3k for school fees and if still leaves £2k plus rental income. Soon OP will have an additional £1200 per month. Surely £3200 plus rental income is loads for bills, food and luxuries.
It just goes to show that sometimes the more you earn = the more you spend.

It's pretty clear it is a personal decision. I put spending on school fees above just about anything. Lots of other people get all they want from the state system. You just do what feels right for you and husbands and wives need to agree on this and really ought to agree it before marriage in case they have fundamental differences between them. It is the best money I have spent but that won't be everyone's view or choice.

I've always thought for many women the key is just to get out there work harder and earn a lot more money by the way if they feel short of money. Always worked for me. Read more self help books. Go on the women who earn £1k a day mumsnet threads and the like and solve the problems of the thread - increase your income so you can afford what was my £1.3m mortgage and 5 sets of private fees (who was suggesting £00k was a big mortgage!) and then the path to true choice is yours... as ever feminism and women picking good careers is the key to life being good for us all.

Where are these threads by women who earn £1k per day?

our income is a bit lower, but also have 3dc. We opted for state primary and private secondary.

Quick point- in my defence, I never said I had a humble existence - just a humble existence considering our income. I realise we are very lucky with what we can afford but I always presumed (maybe naively) that the income we earn would allow us to have an even better quality of life. Eg the ski holidays, spa treats etc. We definitely spend money frivolously on lunches out at the weekend and will often be the first to buy a round of drinks - but that's probably as flamboyant as we get with spending cash. I can't remember when my husband and I last bought an item of clothing from a shop for ourselves - let alone full price.
I don't think we can be that bad with cash as none of our friends (with similar incomes (- maybe £300 less a month) can 'afford' a nanny and choose cheaper Childcare. Neither do they do the extra hours we do to help fund our life and Childcare.

I think it comes down to priorities and sacrifices at our kind of income level. A discussion that's still evolving between my husband and I!

Limpetsmum - what did you enjoy and value most in your own childhood? Which bits of it do you want to recreate and what could you have done without? Was the most important part of your childhood your school experience? If yes, then obviously it's worth making big sacrifices for... I'm thinking most people with happy childhoods, however, valued having parents who weren't stressed and frazzled with overwork and money worries all the time... so don't just think about the sacrifices you might have to make in order to pay for your children's education, think about the sacrifices they might have to make in order to benefit from a private education and then decide where the biggest sacrifices lie... and also think about the other ways your money could be spent in order to benefit your children - the spending doesn't all have to be front-loaded...

Are you sure that nine of your similar earning friends can afford a nanny? Maybe they have chosen cheaper forms of childcare because it suits them well, is good quality and they can out the money in savings towards other things they want (perhaps even a private education fund). They might not do the extra hours that you do because they don't need to as they have different spending habits and can therefore afford not to be working extra hours (especially when the extra earnings would probably be swallowed up paying for more flexible childcare to enable the additional working hours, such as a nanny).
I think if you are earning what you say you are and can't afford to buy clothes for yourself (if you would like to do so) then you really must be a sieve with money. Do you want to buy clothes for yourself?

Some friends (say they) opt for nursery but those who want a nanny say they couldn't afford one. But they can afford the nicer holidays etc. it may be they are saving for private ed (but I doubt it).
I would love to go on a shopping spree but can never justify spending money on myself unless I really need something eg when pregnant bought a tiffany rose dress from eBay second hand for a wedding.

We are ahead of our friends children wise - most just have one and so they're spending maybe £1200/month on Childcare if that - a few get family help which reduces costs as well. And so in comparison we fork out a lot more.
Most people have a mortgage of 3-4x their gross wage. Ours is 1x our gross wage.
I really don't think we have a lavish lifestyle for our income. We're not on the breadline but I certainly don't feel we have much give for additional costs. Although I appreciate there must be some scope for saving as others on here do with less.

I was brought up in a very financially tight household and perhaps don't look upon my childhood fondly. But, I am very grateful for the life I have had as a student/adult. I appreciate my parents made sacrifices to get me where I am today. And that makes things even cloudier - I can only comment on my own experience but I want my kids to have things in their childhood and have a happy childhood. I am not overly close to my parents now and I don't know how much stems from not having as fun a childhood as I perhaps could have. But I can also see that my parents have done the right thing in many ways and thought about the long run as I have a lovely life now.

• I feel like I'm having a counselling session on here going through my past and emotions!! Sorry if passing on too much info. Just trying to help explain things that may seem straight forward to some.

But what do you spend £3k a month on after bills?

groceries - £300/week generous, £1,350
lunches - £100/week v generous, £450
Still £1,500 to go. no clothes, no holidays

so where is the money going????

DH and I had this discussion. We have 3DC and we looked into the cost (idly because we are lucky to have very good state schools) and it would take one of our full time salaries to pay for all three kids education (not as much as OPs but we're both higher rate tax payers).

In comparison DH and his siblings were privately educated and only his father worked, as a university lecturer so on a similar salary to one of us (by today's rates). I checked DH's old school and yep, it would cost a full time salary to pay for all three kids there. Clearly private education was a lot cheaper in the 80s.

As an aside, £6k pcm net salary is approx £120k pa gross salary? Are you saying that your student loans, Inland Revenue bills and pension contributions total £2.8 K per month? (I'm just taking the figures listed by an earlier poster here so it may not be accurate.) That's crazy! For a start, I would be reducing my pension contributions pronto. Presumably, paying the Inland Revenue bill is a priority since that would incur interest.

I'm wavering as to whether your posts have crossed the line of credulity for me now. It was only a few weeks ago when there was a thread on AIBU with the OP dead set on providing a private education for her 3DC on an income a third of yours! Now, here's a thread that seems to read, 'O woe is me! I earn £180k and have a small mortgage. We should be able to afford school fees for 3DC especially since we live in the cheaper North but I don't want to give up my luxury humble lifestyle. We should be able to have it all, shouldn't we?'

Limpetsmum

It's the third child that's the issue, isn't it. We can scrape to educating 2 privately, but never 3. Also, if you think that £100 per month gym membership and a £5000 holiday, plus another holiday, isn't a lavish lifestyle than you have a different view from me!

It's about priorities and private education clearly isn't one for you, which is fine.

Basically pension contributions is nearly a third of husbands wage (Nhs). Which yes, is a saving, but suddenly wage goes down.
Those doubters out there, you'll have to believe me on that one.
Previous expenses listed. £5000 holiday fund for all year. Childcare probably more like £2250 once paid HMRC.
This thread has stopped being useful to me know - and so I'll sign off. Thank you for all those with helpful comments.

(I did a search of "£1000 a day" but it got too many results. There was just a while back one or two threads about women earning £1000 a day which were quite interesting)

I'm another one incredulous that you can't afford fees on that salary, I think you need to have a proper look at where your money is going. We are paying £22pa in school fees on a similar income, slightly higher but lots tied up in share options. We manage to have a nice well maintained house with similar mortgage, 2 decent cars, 2 foreign holidays a year, eat out weekly, have a weekly cleaner & gardener and still save and take lump sums off our mortgage. A third set of fees would mean one less holiday and less saving but we could still do it. I am really not sure why you are so skint

If I were to send my 2 to Dulwich College which is local to us, current basic fees are £16k per year. Then there are extras....at the moment a friend tells me that it is costing her £20k per child. So at today's prices, you are looking at £40k out of taxed income for 2 DSs This figure will rise above the inflation rate. I know we earn a lot, but I don't have a spare £40k pa! We could find it by jiggling things around, but not sure I want to.

The discussion goes on though.

We have a take home income of 42k pa and pay fees of 20k pa.(bursaries and scholarships). Mortgage 12k pa.No savings, no pension.
Still have 2 (very old) cars, 1-2 (Europe) foreign holidays pa , hobbies,local home-based social life.Quality of life good, material possessions probably not envy-provoking.
And 3 happy kids getting a great education which as one poster said, once gained can't be lost.
Priorities are the key and each family will have to judge it for themselves.
You all have to want it to happen.