Do you play to their strengths or their weaknesses? Quick poll

[roisin]

Every child has areas in which they have talents. So do you spend the time and money you have available in encouraging these talents, or in working on the areas where they struggle?

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beety!

ahem... modest?

My dd's still pretty young for me to suss out her real talents or weaknesses but I would rather spend money and time on things that she really loves/expresses an interest in. Too many unhappy memories of being quite good at something but actually really hating doing it.

I would think you try to make sure they meet minimum standards in literacy and numeracy, and then otherwise focus on what they like/their talents, so that learning is as fun as possible.

Well when I was younger I used to do both piano lessons and dancing lessons. I was abolutely crap at piano but very very good at dancing. My not so dear at the time DM always told me that if I failed any piano exams she would cancel my dancing lessons! Nice! Still burn with the injustice of it many many years later! All those wasted hours plodding through boring exam music.

I did go on to be very successful at music but on a totally different instrument.

I have to say then, promote the talents and don't give a stuff about the things they are crap at. We can't all be good at everything no matter how much we try!

talents

i agree with soapbox

It depends where the weaknesses were. If they are in important areas then I would work on them but still praise and encourage their strengths. Every child needs to feel good about something. I don't think it's an either/or situation.

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actually, yes, secur is right. Sometimes we want to do things that we may not have a natural aptitude for. This should be encouraged.

Thanks for all your comments.

A friend of mine, who like us is NOT a natural athlete, says they made a conscious decision to play to their children's weaknesses, or at least potential weaknesses given their genetic background ... and so decided at a very early age to spend their time on money on football training and tennis coaching, rather than music lessons or whatever.

We haven't done this. Dss are fit - walk and run a lot, spend time outside, but are not well co-ordinated. Pretty hopeless at football and reluctant to even attempt tennis. They could spend their holidays at sport coaching sessions, but I would much rather take them swimming, go to museums, to the beach, to the Lakes/hills, etc.. So I'm in no mind to try and persuade them otherwise, but was just interested in the viewpoint of others.

So thank you all for the affirmation!

I was thinking about this today in relation to the "pushy parent?" thread. Like others, I hope I encourage what they enjoy. My parents encouraged me in everything I wanted to do and I really think it got me further along academically, socially and just in life, than anything else. I'm very very thankful to them for that.

It also helped that they weren't phased when I would fall flat on my face (both figuratively and literally) and still supported me if I wanted to continue in something I obviously wasn't much good at doing. And also, didn't mind when I quit something where I had a "talent".

He's a bit too young yet to know about his talents for sure but.. I believe that in practice we would concentrate in sorting his weaknesses, not because we concentrate in the bad things but because we would preffer him to be a well balanced child rather a genius in just a single subject (I took my first algebra classes when I was 10 yrs old, however I don't do anything related to maths now and how much I would have liked that my parents had concentrated in sorting up my shyness instead! I don't blame them at all but it would have helped a lot.)

encourage the things they are talented at so they are more able to accept the efforts you make to improve their weaknesses-

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Ha! After all that ds1 got a form home from school today about a 5 week after school tennis club: he's keen and wants to have a go So despite this not being one of his strengths (he has the co-ordination of a turnip - can't really throw and catch, let alone hit a ball with a bat!), we're encouraging him, or at least letting him have a chance. I doubt he'll want to continue afterwards, and I certainly won't force him, but if he does I'm quite happy to go along with it.

Is it actual tennis or short tennis, roisin?

strengths (as they are the things dd enjoys)

I think a bit of both. Our kids are still quite young so we need to experiment a bit to find what suits. However in ds' case his weaknesses (lack of physical coordination, distractability, for example) are impeding his strengths (imagination, thirst for knowledge, reading, sociability). Therefore, as far as I am concerned we need to encourage him to find an activity or two which he can enjoy but may not naturally excel at, but which in turn will help him develop his strengths and confidence. It is fundamentally important to me that they enjoy whatever they do extracurricular, as through school they will have little choice but to partake in things they may not enjoy.

Def. strengths. I was hopeless at Maths as a child (still am) and I can remember having extra tuition, my teacher trying to explain something, and me not having a clue. Probably explains why I have such a huge Barclaycard bill every month

DDs get really enthusiastic when they can achieve something. DD1 flits from maths to reading/writing, so it's whatever she feels she's achieved that particular week that I pursue.

Janh - it's short tennis ... What's that?

I have memories of playing tennis every year at school, and even having a little coaching too ... and I was utterly hopeless, and I really do mean UTTERLY HOPELESS. I have no hand-eye co-ordination, and just couldn't master the basics (like hitting a ball!). I think ds1 takes after me in this regard, so I'm not sure how he'll get on, but at least he's having a chance to have a go.