School issues

[Yummum42]

Can anyone help with issues at school?

Can anyone help with advise about issues at school? Thank you.

What are the issues OP?

Headmaster ill treatment of my child at school; picking on, continuous scrutiny

Tell us what's going on and we'll try our best to help

You can PM if you need to as well

Sorry, x-posted

Can you expand a bit more? What is the headteacher doing/saying? How are you bring scrutinised? And what are the people picking on your dc doing and what are the school doing/not doing?

I'm sorry you and dc are going through this

The headmaster and teachers report to me anything my son does; so I get several emails on a regular basis if he talks to another child. If he asks about unfairness,he is shouted at and threatened with a report card system. When he was struck by another boy, no action was taken . He is constantly pulled out of class and questioned about any incident even where he was not involved

I was wondering (since this is the adoption board) is your son adopted? If not, or even if so, we can get the thread moved to the education board, where there will be more people well versed on school issues.

I'm guessing this has been building up for some time. Have you had meetings with the teacher/head about any of this?

Thank you for pointing this out and yes I'd be happy if this can be moved to the education board. My son is not adopted but I have recently joined Mumsnet and still finding my way. I needed to talk to others for help.

Sure, I'll report the thread for you, and then the mods will move it

Thank you so much. That is really helpful.

Yummum42 good luck with getting this sorted. Does your school have some sort of parents champion or other person who you could speak to if you need support in getting help/answers? Some schools have an inclusion manager who might deal with special educational needs but also with any areas where children are excluded etc.

Hi there,

We're moving this thread over to our Education topic now.

This is always a difficult one as it can be held up as totally subjective with no actual proof - although the worst bullying of course relies on there being no proof.

You will need to start by logging every incident.
Then you need to see the head teacher - with another adult as witness to ask why your son is being treated this way.

You really need to give more information. How old is he? How long has this been going on? Do you really get sent emails if he talks to another child? Or has he been accused of bullying this other child? Has this really come out of nowhere? Is the headteacher like this with other children or just your son? What do the emails say?

How old is he?

Is he chatting when he needs to be silent? That should really be dealt within the school unless he's chatting constantly when he should be silent and it's effecting everyone's learning all the time.

Tell us more about the incident where he was questioned?

Can you go and observe the class for a few hours? It might help you see what's going on.

Tell us more about what happens when he tells them they are being unfair? What does he say and how? What do they say and how? What led up to this discussion?

Thanks Miggsie and Viking biker, these are really good suggestions. My son is 10 years now and this started when he was 9 years. He asks questions at the time of the incident to the teacher and the teacher then says he should do as he is told and the headmaster gets involved. These are mainly incidents in the playground in areas where the teachers say they can't see the children playing. This leads to children reporting each other about balls hitting them or being pushed or someone saying things to them. In any of these cases my son could have been accused or could have witnessed something but he is pulled out of class and questioned constantly about why he was there what he was doing in particular etc. In all instances, he has been singled out for punishment and in every case an email is sent to me and I am notified whilst I am aware that no other child or parent is treated this way. I hope this helps in explain inh things

I know it's hard to think about, but if we ignore for a moment the way you feel the school are dealing with your ds, is there a chance that he is involved in behaviour towards others that is inappropriate or happening on a regular basis?

In the first instance if it were me, I would speak to my child and tell them to stay in areas where they can be seen so there is no chance of their actions being misread.

I would then continue to make a note of any e-mails and comments that my child made about being withdrawn from the classroom.

The school obviously has serious concerns about your ds's behaviour. Have you had a meeting with them to discuss their concerns?

I would talk to your DS about not playing in the hidden area at all. If he's not in the area where all the action happens, he can't be a part of the trouble.

There's obviously something going on. Either your sons lying about not being involved in the trouble, if your sons innocent, it would raise questions about other children lying to get him into trouble or the staff having marked him out as a break time trouble maker.

This is a strange one. Why would a school send you emails about your son EVERY day.... Is there something you aren't telling that would help people comment

Hi guys, thanks for your comments. What does DS stand for? This helps as these are the things I had done. In addition others confirmed the details at the school.
This is not about how I felt he had been treated but what was evidenced through my meetings with the Headmaster and the various correspondences in which he contradicted himself.
As mothers we all know our children and what they are capable of. In addition if we receive the same feedback from other adults in various functions / activities our child takes part in; then we know there is a problem and the child could be involved in some way. If the ill treatment comes from one source, as it did in this case, it is difficult to presume that the child is 'lying'.
I took the liberty of removing my son from the school and he is now attending another school where he is experiencing good role models and is thriving. He is a prefect and he is blooming. He had attended the previous school for about 6 years. Both schools are independent schools and I wondered if anyone has experience about raising issues of concern in independent schools.At the very least I would not want another child to suffer like mine did.

Thank you. It is good that we have both moved on. I agree with the school having a duty to investigate issues. That is right and proper. I agree that it is not always straightforward, Nevertheless I am clear on what constitutes mistreatment.
I wonder if anyone can advise on raising issues in independent schools. Thanks.

Sorry, why do you want to raise issues at a school your DS no longer attends? Honestly it doesnt sound as though you will get very far with this. If others were suffering the way you say your DS suffered the school would close and no one would want to attend.

Sadly you do sound like your DS can do no wrong, everyone is picking on him and the teachers had it in for him...

Life is just too short for this sort of thing IMHO.