is "commuting" to primary school worth it??

[amylitten12]

My ds is almost 4 and starting school next year. He is (as far as we know) NT but is quite sensitive and still has tantrums, gets stressed in large groups, sometimes refuses to cooperate, etc. He doesn't make friends easily although has a few friends we've known for a long time. At preschool I think he mainly does his own thing but not disliked by other children iyswim.

Our catchment school is very big intake of 90 a year. I am very worried about how my son will cope in such an environment as especially in reception it is freeflow between classes with huge numbers of undirected children roaming around. It is Ofsted rated good and has an ok reputation locally though a lot of parents like me are put off by the size. It is a 5 minute walk from where we live. Because of where we live (i.e. right by the big school) we are very unlikely to get into any other school locally as all tend to be full.

About 8 miles away there is a much smaller school. It would take about 25 minutes to get there in the morning. We are likely to get in as although it is one form entry it tends to be undersubscribed. It is in a small rural village and has about 15 in a year (mixed classes) and about 100 pupils overall. Ofsted rating is good.

We are thinking of sending our son to the smaller school. But have reservations about him not having local friends, having to drive so far, the school perhaps being too small etc.

I know that only we actually know our son but wondered if anyone had also done this or had any views? Many thanks.

I meant to say I have another son 2 school yrs younger. I was thinking that maybe they could be persuaded to do the same after school activities etc (though tbh I don't think small school has that many anyway). I kind of like the idea that in the small school my boys would see a lot of each other whereas in the big school it would be 2 years in the juniors with a shared playground and that would be it.

Big local schools are amazing. Masses off opportunities. Loads of opportunity to find friends like them. Better ability to group by ability and interests. Every time you go to the park you see friends. It is rare we go out locally and don't see people from school. Huge advantage to walk to school. Your DC are not the only ones like this at 4.. Lots of summer borns are dinky and shy when they start . Our 90 intake school is full with every type of child. Quiet boys, boisterous girls etc Friendships a plenty and huge acceptance of diversity of every type.
What is cute about a tiny school at 4 can be stifling and limiting by 10. I would not even think about a 20 min drive to a tiny school that may end up closed.

I would choose the larger school. They can stream for phonics etc, more variety and resources for any additional needs.

3 form is common around here. There's a couple of 4 form. I wouldn't ever choose 1 form entry unless it was my only local catchment school.

Also - you cant underestimate the bonds that build walking home from school, being able to have friends over etc.

My DCs are two years apart (yrs 4 and 6) and have never yet done an after school activity, a lot are only open to one or two year groups, not the whole school.

done an after school activity together I meant.

I agree wholeheartedly with everything who knows says and stripy. What looks like roaming chaos is lots of amazing learning through play. It's also a vital part of learning social skills - negotiating with peers, mixing with others, exploring their interests, working our problems. Education is also about preparing them to cope with life in the world.

My similar child did not enjoy all the roaming around in reception in a three form entry school, but now it's year one I appreciate having the large cohort and extra support and sets etc. So, hmm, dunno!

Okay problems of smaller schools:
Fewer children, so less chance to find someone you really get on with as a friend
Less money, so fewer extra teachers and other opportunities
Fewer teachers, so a narrower range of teacher's interests and specialities
May be less experienced in SEN, if the occurrence of X SEN is 1 in 30, a school of 60 will have about 2 at any one time - and no SEN will demonstrate itself always the same way. The SENCO will have less experience, and less teacher/TA and other resources to help. Unlikely to have small groups for SEN X.

I would go back to the local school and express your concerns with him coping. How will they deal with it? It isn't/shouldn't bequest about how your son settles in, it is also how the school responds to him as an individual. Sometimes very big schools can be much better at that.

I totally agree with mummytime. Our 90 intake school is amazing and a national lead school. Every child is treated as a unique individual. They mainly interact with their own class but make friends across all. As it's big the reception DC have their own playground. They tend to not get that exposed to bigger kids as much, do great for younger / quieter ones etc

A larger intake is a good thing IMO - there is a larger pool of possible like-minded friends. And a large local school is even better - friends on the door step!

I kind of like the idea that in the small school my boys would see a lot of each other

I read that out to DD2(14), she said 'no, dont do it'

She remembers very clearly how annoyed her older siblings got when she tried to hang about with them when she first started at primary.

Yes, my two quite regularly come with tales of how annoying the other was being in the playground even though they get on pretty well at home. However DD is dreading DS leaving at the end of this year.

We did the drive with the small village school instead of the big school with huge catchment area and a rather conveyor belt approach (they didn't bother to address us by names!) and it worked well for us - our drive was about 25 minutes too. I don't think the "playing with local kids" was a problem because the school day was so long that there wasn't time for playdates on a weekday. DS still managed to make good friends and played with them at halfterm, birthday parties, summer hols.

We did move schools after 2 years as the small size of the village school meant that the pace of teaching was quite slow and he wasn't being sufficiently challenged and didn't enjoy it by then. Unfortunately not having tried the big school, I can't tell you if it would have worked just as well by choosing the opposite! But I can tell you we tried the small further away school and it worked really well for us for the first 2 years.

We just moved my DD from the big local school 5 minutes away to a small school 25 minutes commute. It has only been a couple of weeks but so far I'm really pleased. The big school has great rep locally, ofsted

Sorry! Posted too soon (blaming the phone). It was ofsted good, but communication with parents was dreadful and they were happy to let my daughter hide in the background because they had labelled her shy. Shyness was not an issue till she started at the school, and they did nothing to help her regain her confidence. Essentially the point is that you can only go on what you feel is right for your son. Incidentally, i was in a one form entry school and loved it. I would have assumed most were in smaller schools than our children are.

Larger school - so many more opportunities. Choir, music etc and more friends. My youngest was in a class of 12 in yr 5&6 and it was just too small, she was the only one in the choir; the others were all younger. Trips & educational visits are better when there's more children to watch them & spread the cost.

My children are at our local village primary, 15 intake and less than 100 in the school. And i now want to move them to a bigger one, every issue they've had with school has been down to the size. There are only 4 girls in my DDs year and it's caused no end of friendship issues. I thought she'd do much better at a small school as she was incredibly shy and timid but in hindsight I wish we'd gone for a bigger one.

My Yr 1 DC goes to a village school 5 miles from where we live.

Initially this wasn't my choice. We moved mid year and this was the only school the LA could find us a place.

However, it is working really well. DD loves her school and is very confident. About half of the intake comes from outside the village so DD isn't seen as unusual. School also has breakfast and after school clubs. It also has a good reputation locally for identifying and supporting SEN. I won't move DD now as she us very settled and for various reasons it is important that she has that.

However, the commute IS a pain. I drive 20 miles a day doing the school run. This costs money for petrol and the extra miles means my insurance has gone up. If we have a bad winter getting to school will be a nightmare. These logistical issues really do make a difference so I would think carefully!

We drove 45 mins to a primary for my DC. It was worth it and the journey became normal. I would go on the school you think is best over journey time.

The main consideration for me would be the length of time taken to be able to pick up if he was ill and also the practicalities of attending events.
You could find yourself driving home to come right back to attend something at 10.00am, or having to come back at 4.00pm for parents evening.
I would also be concerned about socialising after school and parties if all the others live in the same village, just the too ing and throwing, etc.

2 of our dc went to a small village school and the main problem we found were friends and alienation if you fell out with best friend. I think it can be harder for them to make friends with someone like them, same personality etc when there are fewer in the class.
It does suit some children though, only you know your child.

I'd check the admissions criteria too. Where we live children who live out of catchment with a sibling at the school have lower priority for admissions than any child living in catchment.
So if the little school had a sudden rise in their catchment number you could find your younger child doesn't get a place.

My DS attends a small school (which happens to be private) - there are 10 children in his class. There used to be 8. I chose that over an oversubscribed 3 form entry school (which happens to be state), with 90 children per year.

I love that his school is small. It is very intimate, and everyone knows everyone. he knows the names of every childn in his school, and they know him. It is a very nurturing, intimate environment, which suits him down to the ground. he would have beeen completely overwhelmed and uncomfortable in a larger, noisier school. All of the children in his class are very close friends, they're a tight bunch. They get a lot of individual attention from the teachers. Birthday parties are easier to organise and attend too .

His school is on our doorstep, but plenty of children are driven to school and have journeys of up to half an hour. One child has a 45 minute commute, on a good day (her parents are hoping to move closer at some point, though).

Some things for you to consider:

Would adverse weather, like snow or ice, make the commute impossible/longer/difficult? Do you ahve a contingency plan?

Playdates - would these be possible? Would anyone live near enough to you to be willing to pick their child up from your house on a school night afterwards? Or would you be the one to have to take the child home, and how would you feel about that, bearing in mind that you have a younger DC and you will have already been out twice that day on the school run?

School events - PTA organised things, plays, concerts etc. Will you be able to get to these? Will you be able to help, assuming you want to?

Birthday parties - if all of the other children live in a different direction, will you have to travel to parties at the weekend, and how do you feel about that?

is it important to you that your DS has friends local to where you live?

if your DS wanted to join a group local to where you live, eg Beavers, bear in mind that the other chidlren will probably already know each other through school.

If it turns out that your DS has special educational needs (and I say this with a DS who has been recently diagnosed at the eage of nearly 7, and we had no idea of these needs when we were looking for a school for him for recepetion, when he was 4), will the school have a SENCo, or the resources to help him? Or the will, for that matter? Ask for information on this from both schools now, in case it is something that you have to face later on.

In terms of wthe time it would take to collect him if he were to be ill during the school day, I wouldn't worry about this. You could be at work 25 minutes away, and it would take you at least that long to get there.

Good luck.