Oh shame my ds tried but is non selective after Kent 11+

[beachhead]

I so wanted my son to make grammar, but knew he was borderline. He seems not bothered, (wants to go same school as his some of his friends) But I feel I should have tried to helped him with his weak English ( he is dyslexic ). It just seems demoralizing to me that the top bright kids(25%) are all hived off and the rest are written off get filtered through the academy system. l don't think it's too late I'm more determined now - gonna start working with my son now, to ensure success in the future.

Hey if he was borderline then he will be near the top of classes at his new school. Sometimes its better to be a big fish in a small pond than the other way on. He may thrive more than if he'd been bottom of the class in a grammar.

Like you said, he tried and that's the important thing. If he has a good attitude to working hard, I'm sure he'll do fine. Remember the 11 plus is a measure of ability at a given moment in time. Some children come into their own and flourish later on. Good luck.

If 25% of the kids go to grammar, that leaves 75% who don't. There are a lot of bright kids in there, including probably some very bright ones who didn't do well in the test or chose not to go down the grammar route. I think it is a great shame that you consider all those kids to have been "written off". Be careful that attitude doesn't rub off on your son who I'm sure will do very well wherever he goes.

You knew he was borderline so does he.

For a kid in that position he could either have scraped into the grammar and likely spend is school career in the bottom streams and being " bottom" in the tests etc- working at full tilt to keep up. I might be wrong but my feeling is that kids like you son would be likely to be harmed by this set up- constantly struggling and never feeling they are " good " even though they are brighter than 3/4 of their peers on average.

or, go to the comp. Be the top stream, maybe even one of the highest achievers. Just think what a confidence boost that is.

And he's got a good family who are behind him all the way. he'll do great things !

The brightest kids aren't necessarily the nicest kids :-) he'll be fine. Really big it up.

Well said unexpected.

If he picks up that this is your attitude then he's sunk before he starts.

He needs to start school positive, optimistic and ready to learn. You need to get over it and work with the school so he has an excellent outcome.

My DS1 didn't take the Kent Test and went to High School. He was in top sets all the way through and came out with decent GCSEs. He certainly wasn't written off.

I don't think the system is demoralising at all. Just ensures that pupils are taught with others of their ability level.

We've moved out of Kent so my DD2 will be facing selection by postcode, which is way more unfair and demoralising.

DD1 failed the Kent 11+ and still came out with ABB at A2 level the best grades in her school. It is a big blow to fail however if you choose the right secondary school (difficult but not impossible in kent ). Schools that are able to work with borderline fail pupils, your DS should still be able to get A or level 8 , 9 grades at GCSE E.TC within a high school environment. He could then transfer to the grammar for sixth form if you are not convinced by their sixth form. DD1 refused to transfer to grammar in yr9 and sixth form and she still got in her first choice University The important thing make sure the high school you send him to has similar pupils to him.

As someone above said, sometimes it is good to be a big fish in a small pond. There was some research that came out recently saying it can be detrimental a child's learning confidence and self esteem to be bottom of the school's cohort, especially in boys. Try to focus on what his individual experience will be and not think too much about those 25% at the grammars.

My dyslexic DS didn't get a place in our local grammar school. Went to a comp and then changed schools at 16 to an academic 6th form. 3 x A for A levels and got a First in good uni and in bus Masters. Got a job before he finished his Masters too. Dyslexic people that can be v v bright. I have documents to prove it! (Assessment by Chartered Educational Psychologist.

Wow I'm so impressed by a lot of your kids achievements! Must be proud mums

Pippop - I'll tell my ds about your experience. Thanks

We did praise our ds said he did well with 11+, but ds had got negative attitude now. I'm going to let him know work starts now.
But it doesn't help that one of his friends passed 100%( happens to be gifted) had to work in year groups above their year!

Theas18 thanks you're so bang on right too! Better to have a happy kid at mainstream school, than one struggling to keep head above water at grammar.

We are in Kent. My lovely babysitter is at a selective school - she says she wishes she'd gone to the comp because she is always towards the bottom and it's horribly demoralising. She said that she would have enjoyed school more if she could have done more extra curricular stuff, but the pressure to succeed, to get good marks etc at the grammar is such that she has to spend so much time studying that she is missing out.
Commiserations - it's so hard to see them going through it at such a young age - and if he only just missed out, then I'm sure he'll flourish and do really well at his secondary school anyway. (FWIW, DS's tutor said it's one of the hardest Kent Tests she's ever seen - certainly in the maths).

Tell your DS that it gets easier as he gets older and can choose which subjects to do. Also I believe in getting a tutor to get through English GCSE if you can afford it. It gives confidence.