I've got a dyslexic pair - I know I should be ok about it but I'm totally gutted!

[sunnydelight]

Title says it all really. DS1 is dyslexic - struggled all the way through primary school, all his problems put down to his having an August birthday, moved him to an independent school in year 5 as his self-esteem was at an all time low and finally had him assessed as dyslexic in year 6. DS2 (7) has always been what we called "quirky", seems bright but struggled at school - turns out he's dyslexic as well. I feel guilty because I didn't pick it up sooner (very different profile from DS1) and generally gutted because I know how difficult it makes accessing main stream education. I know I should be ok with this, particularly as I've been here before, but I cry every time I tell someone. DS1 is actually doing quite well at school now, but it's always "considering the fact that he's dyslexic". I was just so hoping that school life would be a bit easier for my other kids!

I know just how you are feeling sunnydelight. I'm in the same boat.

I have 3 dyslexic sons, ages 21, 13 & 11.Plus 3 DC who are not affected.

I've had many sleepless nights and wept buckets because of their struggles with reading and spelling.It is awful to watch them work so hard compared with others and still fail.

Don't feel guilty.....I struggled to spot the dyslexia the 3rd time.

This could be a very long story spanning 15 years.Will have to come back to this latter.

That's really interesting notagrannyyet. Are the three who aren't affected boys as well? Just wondering as it does seem to be more common in boys. Can you identify a family history? Neither DH nor I are dyslexic and there is no history in his family, but I'm adopted so God knows what's in my genetic background

for family history on dyslexia look at my family.

older sis fine

me fine

younger sister - dyslexic

younger brother dyslexic

mum dyslixic

dad fine

mums brothers and sisters- several dyslexic (boys and girls)

several male cousins dyslexic

couple female cousins dyslexic

my neice ADHD

and that is what we know so far.

my dd AS traits

several cousins ADHD

The family link is there in my family too.

I went through primary school in the 60s along with my siblings in classes of over 40.Large class sizes were the norm then. I those days if you were a slow reader or poor speller (as I certainly was), you were just 'not very bright' if you had a nice teacher or 'thick' if you had a nasty one! As a child I was reminded of this on an almost daily basis , and so were my parents at parents evenings.

My DB left junior school at 11 unable to read. Mum was called into see his form teacher after his first term at secondary to be told that he had been assessed as 'Word blind'. I don't think anything was done to help him even though he was (is !) very bright. He stayed in the lowest form , took 3 CSEs and left school as soon as possible. He didn't even bother to find out the results of the 3 exams he did take. He had no need to. He went straigt into the building trade, worked his way up, and now runs his own very successful business.
He as 4 sons. 3 have had no problems and 1 is dyspraxic. I never knew of my brothers 'word blindness' at the time. Mum didn't tell me about this until much later, when my own DS was struggling at school.

My 3 sisters never struggled at school and don't remember having any difficulty with reading or spelling. Their children are fine too, but 2 nephews have struggled with spelling.

Further back...
Mum told me that her MIL (my grandmother) couldn't read. I do actually remember grandad reading the newspaper out loud. At the time I did not realise that grandma couldn't read.

Dad I know could read but it was always mum who read to us and helped with homework. He's dead now and I have asked my aunts about dad. They say that he struggled at school too.They also told me that some of their DC (my cousins) had literacy problems, and they also have dyslexic sons.

DH and his family have no history of this kind of problem so my DS have me to thank for their dyslexia. This adds greatly to the guilt I feel about not spoting any problems sooner, and not being able to somehow stop it happening a 2nd & 3rd time. This is stupid I know but it is how I feel.

The one advantage of having a family history of dyslexia is that I can point out to my DSs that although school work will always be harder for them than others it won't stop them succeeding in the long run. They can see that their uncle is very happy, confident and successful. They can also learn from their mum that even though they might struggle with reading once they eventually manage it they can read as well as anyone else. I never read a book for pleasure until I left school and my spelling only improved later when the pressure was off.

Sunnydelight, I have 3 dyslexic boys, 2 non dyslexic boys & 1 non dyslexic girl.

Yes sunnydelight, it does run in families, and boys do have more servere dyslexica.

My db servere dyslexia, didn't learn to read until he was 11 years old, School always told out mum that her was just a boy or lazy when she was asking for help (1970's). It was only when he went to senior school and shje spoke to a english teacher that mum was told what was wrong and he got the help he needed. He is now the director for it company and works all over england and europe.

As for history

db - servere dyslexic
me - very mild
ds - not a all

uncle - servere dyslexic - has is own garage
grandad - dyslexic

Dyslexica has nothing to do with itelliagence, it more to do with getting the information out.

We have always said it like have a band around your arm stopping you writing down what you want.

Have you treid simple junglering excises and balancing as these do seem to help, also coloured lenses in glasses.

Don't feel guilty their was nothing you could do i think it is easier if it has already been reconised in the family because you are looking for it.

Thanks for all your responses. It's funny, this is the first time in my life (and I'm 43) that I find it frustrating not to know my family history. I normally couldn't give a toss, and I've never even tried to find out for my own sake, but it's hard seeing your kids struggle.

My elder daughter is very slightly dyslexic. Even at university she needs some extra time with her work but she worked very cleverly around it and we found junior school - hard as spelling and writing poor, senior school where it's brains not neatness etc that counts, she did much much better and got good A levels. Having said that with her it's fairly mild. She did see someone at the Kensington Dyslexia centre a few times which helped.

my brother was badly dyslexic and his struggles (in the later 60s and 70s) prompted my mum to train as a dyslexia teacher. She has found letters from her father which have classic dyslexia features (mispellings, letter reversals, ending missed off words etc)
She and I both have discalculia and although I am not dyslexic, I think in a dyslexic way IYKWIM!
My ds1 is dyslexic and I have been crying this week with frustration at his school who insist on sending him home with lists of spellings to learn, times tables to learn parrot fashion (he cannot learn by rote) and the fact that I cannot do anything more to help him.
Ds2 is 'normal' and it is such a relief as I get so upset over my other boy's struggles. Sympathy and empathy to those of you with more than one. It s very hard.

I can't believe they are expecting him to learn lists of spellings fullmoonfiend - are they giving him any support? My only consolation is the fact that DS2's teacher is lovely and I think she will really work with me on this.

Just thought I'd say my sister is dyslexic and always had terrible problems at school. But now is in her third year at uni - yay, and doing really well.

She took 2 years out after finishing school. And although now has to write essays, her course doesn't involve written exams.

She gets so much help through her uni - they arranged computer equiptment for her (pc, printer, special software, handheld pc thing, electronic dictionary, dictaphone for lectures), they also provide her with a copy of lecture notes for her to go through later. And someone to go through all her essays with her and to help her with anything else she finds difficult.

We are really proud of her.

Just thought I'd share a happy story.

My sister is dyslexic and it wasnt diagnosed until she was 14yrs old. She is currently about to start her 3rd year of her law degree so it evidently is not holding her back.