Should I not tell the truth ?

[LucyLocketsASillyBilly]

We have been visiting lots of high schools with my DD and have shortlisted 3 we like. This is the easy bit.

My DD's year 6 class at primary has 2 very disruptive children in it. 1 of them receives regular counselling for a variety of issues (Mum explained all the problems to me recently) and frequently gets into altercations with most of the class (even the quieter children)and the other is an outright bully that the school struggle to control (walks out of class, throws chairs at pupils and staff).

My DD wanted a new start at high school away from these 2 children in particular because she finds school difficult with them and the whole class generally has struggled to keep up with general school work with such distractions constantly going on.

We agreed we would not tell these 2 children or their parents which high schools we had shortlisted (they are out of our catchment area and not particularly easy to get to but im happy to take her so its not too much of an issue for us).

Yesterday in class their teacher asked the children to give a recount of their visits to the local open evenings and to discuss the schools they had chosen and why etc I got a text last night from one of the Mums of the above mentioned children and she was really upset I had decided on different schools to her (my choice nothing to do with her) and that she has now decided to go and visit these schools and add them to her shortlist so our children can continue going to school together.

I haven't yet replied to her and I hate to sound selfish but I don't want my DD's education to be continued to be disrupted by these children. Do I lie to her and say we are undecided and that we had only visited out of curiosity ?
I really don't want to say its partly because of her child's behaviour that I looked further afield anyway. My DD has already had 6 years of disruption from this child, including being bullied and had class work destroyed/ripped up out of jealousy. I really want her to enjoy high school and I feel its best achieved without either of these children being in the same school.
Do I lie to the Mum to try and put her off applying for the same schools ?

I'd lie and say 'we've applied for a place at x school'. When you're sent the details of your DD's school place you can say she didn't get in but was offered a place at y school. It will be too late for her to do anything.

Lie to her. Not nice but it's for the sake of your child.

Your DD comes first to you. And certainly ahead of social niceties.

Could you say something along the lines of 'i love that we are friends and can talk honestly without fear of repercussions to each other, but actually, dd was hoping that she wouldn't be in the same school as your dd - she's fed up of the way that she's had her worked ruined, been picked on and bullied, and suffered through several class detentions solely because of your dd. Given the way that your dd has treated my dd I'm not sure she would want to be in the same school as her let alone the same class so it's probably much better for both of them that they end up in different schools!'

Not nice to say and I know you didn't want to say it originally but I think you need to keep a sentence constructed along those lines in your head in case you get ambushed by her in person at some point so you don't find yourself in an awkward position and feeling that you can't do anything but pretend everything is fine and then kick yourself afterwards for being put on the spot and feel that you need to be polite. If you walk through it in your head beforehand it will be easier to say - albeit not nice to say.

And maybe it might force the mum to think twice about her dd and help her to become a nice girl that doesn't bully people or cause class detentions. Might not of course but if there's a chance of a fresh start ahead for then the timing might be right for her dd to go somewhere that she doesn't have a bad reputation and can start afresh too...

Thank you all for the advice. I feel a little better now about approaching the subject with 'mum'.

Im going to lie outright initially and say we are applying to 'x' school instead. I really don't like talking to people about this sort of thing. I like an easy life....that's how I ended up on her phone list I expect. I would rather be 'nice' and keep things as civil as possible than confront people.

I will also approach the school if I find they are all in the same school together and ask for my DD to be moved if necessary.

If only I knew school was so stressful as a parent.

If you do end up at the same school just state she was bullied by these children. That should be enough to ensure they are split up.