Won't try - primary school

[ocelot41]

My DS has just started reception. A lot of the time he says he 'can't do' something and won't try. The teacher tells me this and it tallies with my experience at home.

We are starting to get a few little exercises to do at home - sounding out phonics, drawing or practising letters. He just DOESNT want to do it and I am loathe to force him in case it puts him off more, but being really encouraging and patient isn't working.

The teacher says I just need to boost his self confidence by giving him lots of praise - but I thought I already did that! Has anyone had this experience? Any primary teachers out there with tips?

I feel a bit puzzled about it because otherwise he isn't risk averse and is a pretty happy, confident lad. What's going on?

Children in reception can get very tired at the end of the day. I would suggest that reading and sharing books together is more productive than focusing on too much of what he is finding difficult. Playing games like picture matching with some very simple words being gradually introduced might also be an idea. He needs to feel successful and associate reading and books with happy experiences. He may well enjoy familiar books which he may well attempt to read again and again. Let him do this. It's all part of seeing himself as a reader. Try not to worry. It will sort itself out if he is enabled to see himself as successful. To this end I would ignore what he finds difficult and concentrate on praising anything he is able or trying to do. Good luck and remember children change all the time.

My ds is like this. Just started reception.

His preschool were fantastic and knew how to engage him. I didn't! They warned me once he left that the teachers at school needed to know how to find his "golden moments" and encourage him then. Sitting him down and trying to get him to do tasks just doesn't work for him. Extra praise doesn't work.

So his teacher needs to try different approaches to be honest. It could be letting him play freely then when he picks up pencils, let him mark make without comment and sit with him to do some too. Get him to write practically with you e.g. a list for birthday presents.

But otherwise just read to him, point out things and teach him that way.

Thanks!

A lot of the time he says he 'can't do' something and won't try.

So next time he asks you for something, mirror his words back at him.
If he finds that the world stops turning because his mum 'can't be arsed to do' (all done with a good-humoured light-touch, of course) then he might realise that we all have to put a bit of effort in and make accommodation to give&take.

Is he more likely to do this with things he is less confident in? Some children won't want to do it unless they are good at it. There have been several articles recently about the importance of praise for trying as opposed to succeeding etc My DD has a competitive friend, a boy, who will not try stuff unless he is the best at it

Start with something he can do - and move up by infinitessimal degrees.

Start with something that's easy and make it a game. Do it wrong and let him correct you, give him a reward for doing it (as in "when you've written your name we can go to the park"), or find something he would enjoy doing close to the subject, even if it's not exactly what's asked.

Ds (year 3) will often say "I can't do it" and not try-he'll even demonstrate that he can't do it. Oscars awarded all round. . It's not actually because he doesn't think he can do it, it is because it's easier for him to say he can't do it and hope that he'll be let off or someone (usually a kind hearted sister) will do it for him.

So, for example, this weekend, I told him that I was going shopping (to a place he likes) at 2pm. He could choose whether he came with me or not. If his homework was done he could come, otherwise he couldn't. He got on with the maths. We then had the "can't do" over the sentences he had to make up round the spellings. So we made up some sentences he thought were funny:
"Football is more important than homework."
"The benefit of doing homework is infinitely small."
"Children should have more holiday time; teachers should have less."
"The amount of homework given last week, was too much (mummy says)."
"Pupils will go on strike for better lunches. WE WANT JUNK FOOD!"

Normally he'd complain at each letter word and take ages doing the shortest sentences possible. He giggled his way through these and did them in such a quick time he was ready before me!

My DD is now in year one and seems more motivated, but she wouldn't/ couldn't in reception.

I'm a teacher. She seemed to think that made it much worse!

We turned homework into a game of 'schools'. She was the teacher, I often 'got it wrong' so she had to help or correct me. Reading was alternate pages/ sentences/ even words sometimes.

A couple of things I have found helpful with my two (both older now) who are dyslexic so can be resistant because things are a struggle

1. Mornings before school can be more productive that evenings after school especially in the first couple of years when they are tired.

2. Setting a clear limit on what you want them to do e.g. we will read 3 pages or do something for 10 minutes otherwise it seems to them that the work will go on for ever.

3. Make mistakes yourself. DS2 was a perfectionist and so didn't want to do anything in case he got it wrong. DH, the teachers and myself used to point out our mistakes e.g. if I was reading and got something wrong I would say so and re-read it. It took months but he did accept that mistakes are normal.

4. A small white board is great for practising writing as mistakes can be rubbed out really easily so they are not there haunting you forever