DD and friends being bullied.

saadia · 27/09/2006 12:11

Definitely something needs to be done. Could all the victims of her bullying get together and make a written complaint to the head?

anniediv · 27/09/2006 12:11

Podmog...lots of sympathy . I guess the only answer is to speak to the teacher again, or else equip your daughter to deal with it herself, encouraging her to go to an adult immediately an incident occurs etc. If there are a few of them being bullied have you spoken to the other parents?

KTeepee · 27/09/2006 12:16

All schools should have a written policy on bullying. If you don't already have a copy, ask for one and then make sure the school does what it says it is supposed to do. I would get the head involved if it has been going on without being properly dealt with for some time. if they are reluctant to do anything, write to the governors. I know non-physical bullying can be hard for teachers to notice sometimes (girls especially can be very subtle....) but any school worth its salt would be taking a stronger line than this tbh.

Original poster

Podmog · 27/09/2006 12:18

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

Hallgerda · 27/09/2006 13:18

Podmog, that's unacceptable. I agree with KTeePee that you should look at the bullying policy, talk to the Head and if necessary escalate the matter to the governors.

Berries · 27/09/2006 21:26

Go in writing to the head and the chair of governors. DD2 was in the same situation, but it went on from reception 'til yr4. We moved her in Jan last year and it was probably the best thing we could have done, as the issue was with 3 girls, not 1, but it is a very difficult thing to do (and expensive as we went independant). Girl bullying can be VERY subtle, and sometimes it's difficult to know when you are overreacting because of this. However, I think you should decide what you would like the school to do also. We eventually decided to move dd2 because, knowing the girl in question, we realised we did not know what we wanted the school to do. It's almost impossible to stop girls passing comments for e.g. unless you police them all the time. Given the length of time it had gone on with dd2 we thought there was very little that would have any long-lasting effect on the girls in question and decided to give in(it's still going on btw, but dd2 is now out of it).
Sorry, realised this is a bit long, am not advocating that you move schools, just that you make sure they take it very seriously from the start.
hth

Original poster

Podmog · 28/09/2006 07:56

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

Original poster

Podmog · 28/09/2006 09:37

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

leander · 28/09/2006 09:42

oh podmog this must be awful for you
did you manage to speak to the headteacher?

Original poster

Podmog · 28/09/2006 09:43

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

leander · 28/09/2006 09:48

Ive not really got any advice but my heart goes out to you and your dd.If the school are already aware of this bullying how can the headteacher try and turn it around and blame yor dd
I know she seems to get away with it but there have been so many complaints made against her they must have some idea she is at fault.You have tried talking and getting your dd to do the right thing i think now you have to make it official, find out about the anti bullying policy in your dd school and go from there.
Sorry its a bit of a ramble.
{{hugs}}

leander · 28/09/2006 20:45

How did it go, did he ring you?

Original poster

Podmog · 19/10/2006 08:18

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

Original poster

Podmog · 19/10/2006 09:28

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

Socci · 19/10/2006 09:39

Message withdrawn

HallgerdaLongcloak · 19/10/2006 09:41

You're doing the right thing in pursuing the matter with the Head, but the prospects do not look good. In theory the next step after that would be to escalate the matter to the governors or the LEA, but I don't actually know of anyone who has achieved a positive outcome that way (if someone out there does, please post!). I think I'd be looking at the changing schools option at this stage. And yes, it's totally unfair and not right that it should be you doing that and not the bully's parents, but it may well be in your daughter's best interests.

grumpyfrumpy · 19/10/2006 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grumpyfrumpy · 19/10/2006 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Socci · 19/10/2006 09:49

Message withdrawn

clerkKent · 19/10/2006 13:07

Podmog, your case is typical of bullying at school and at work. The bully gets away with it time after time, lies convincingly, convinces those in authority that he or she is not to blame, deflects all blame onto the bullied person/people etc. It is quite likely that the bully receives the same treatment herself at home, so her parents will vigorously deny that she is the bully. Sadly the only thing that seems to work for the person/child who is bullied is to move them away from the bully - whatever that takes - to another school or perhaps home education (or fro those in work quitting your job or changing department etc).

The headteacher clearly has had no training in how to handle bullying. It does not matter what words are in the bullying policy if those at the top to do not know what to do.

I really detest bullying - it wrecks lives and families and can even lead to suicide. I don't know any other answer than to distance yourself from the bully.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/10/2006 14:50

Yet another instance where the school cannot handle the bullying issue happening in front of their eyes.

I can think of two organisations offhand who may be able to help you as a family - Kidscape is one (google for their website) and the other is www.bullying.co.uk. They have lots of info for both children and parents and they also have an e-mail facility.

There is another thread on here further down that you may well want to read the whole way through. Its called Bullied - and then this happens.

MarmaladeSun · 19/10/2006 22:31

Hi Podmog. The thread metnioned below is mine. I really really feel for you, as I have been through exactly the same thing with my DD. I tired the teacher, the year head, the headmaster...no one helped so my DD hit back and ended up with a police record and DNA on file. We filed counter charges, got nowhere. Went to the LEA, the local MP, the secretary of state for education, the media...if a school is adamant bullying does not exist then they will not be shifted. 2 weeks ago I deregistered my children from school completely and am now happily home educating them. They are learning far more at home with the pressure removed, and everything is so relaxed, and for the first time in a long time they are starting to shine again and really enthusiastic about learning. Socially they are busier than when they were at school; in the last week we have been bowling, played indoor hockey, badminton and gone swimming, all with other HE families. Believe me, I fought tooth and nail to sort it out for my children, and in the end this was the only thing I could do to protect them. DO call Kidscape if you haven't already; they are fabulous.

Socci · 20/10/2006 10:25

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Podmog · 20/10/2006 10:36

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

MarmaladeSun · 20/10/2006 13:09

Podmog...from what I gather the schools will not reprimand the bully. It's all this ridiculous political correctness rubbish. Our ex school had a line hidden away among pages and pages of anti bullying policy which read 'we do not like to use the term 'bully' or 'troublemaker' as we do not feel it is helpful to label a child'!!!! WTF...so they are always cushioning the bully and turning their backs on the target.