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Original poster

Wondering whether to move dd - in a real dilemma, please help

19 replies

Pollyanna · 27/09/2006 07:07

We have recently moved to a new city. Because of where the school vacancies were, we were slightly forced to put ds and the dds into different schools. They are at opposite ends of the city. It was ok then as I could drive, and it was (just about) doable to go to both schools, although still a struggle. Now I have been diagnosed with epilepsy and I can't drive and I am finding it really difficult. I can't take/pick both dd1 and ds to both of their schools on the same day, and have hired an au pair to help (I couldn't think of another solution - dh can't do the school run, and there is no other option). Usually, because it is easier, the au pair does ds's school run - I try to do his twice a week. I feel really stretched as I feel that it is important to be able to take and pick up both children and feel that I am currently not involved with either school (I certainly don't know any of the other children/parents at either school yet as I feel that I am constantly dashing around)

Anyway, there is a vacancy at ds's school for dd1 and I am wondering whether to switch her. I am in a dilemma because firstly I don't know how traumatic it will be for her to switch again, and also I am wondering whether I am unreasonable wanting to be involved at both schools(and whether I am only really wanting to move her to for my sake and am being selfish)

As another issue, ds's school is more expensvie than dd1,s and I have 2 more children after her.

Sorry this is so long, I really don't know what to do .

OP posts:

roisin · 27/09/2006 08:04

How old is she? And how long has she been at the school already?

My gut reaction is yes, move her; as long as you are basically happy with the school.

Judy1234 · 27/09/2006 08:06

I virtually never collected any of my 5 as I worked and didn't think it was important to collect them so I suppose it's partly a mental attitude thing. But difficult for you if you can't do what you feel is right.

I was disappointed my 2 daughters were at different schools from age 5/7 up to 18 but in the end apart from the logistics (they both got separate school coaches) it worked out okay. Is the more expensive school academically better? That might be a reason to move her anyway.

Original poster

Pollyanna · 27/09/2006 11:42

It's not a better school academically, but I prefer it I think (we have only been there a month).

I am planning to work as soon as I find a job, so I will only be taking to school, so I would like just one school if possible. dh says I'm being selfish and just thinking about myself.

OP posts:

BudaBabe · 27/09/2006 11:45

What does your DD think? How old is she?

Original poster

Pollyanna · 27/09/2006 11:49

she is in year 1. She doesn't want to move.

OP posts:

bluejelly · 27/09/2006 11:50

What about moving ds instead?

Original poster

Pollyanna · 27/09/2006 12:07

unfortunately that's not an option - there are no places for him at any schools near dd's and hers is an all girl school

OP posts:

LIZS · 27/09/2006 12:19

How long has she been at the new school ? Could another mum living nearby help you out ? Had there been a place do for dd1 at ds' school originally would you have sent her there ? If so personally I'd move her she'll adapt but may fidn it hard initially.

Running around the 2 schools long term sounds like a nightmare anyway, but especially if you may not be able to drive for a while. We have 2 kids at the same school - one in Prep, one PrePrep - and find it hard enough with varying hours, parent dos, events etc, let alone whenever ds has to move on to another one altogether.

good luck

LIZS · 27/09/2006 12:20

oh, see only a month .

QueenPeaHead · 27/09/2006 12:26

switch her. bite the bullet and do it - she will be fine and you will remove a huge stress from your life.

the money thing is irrelevant if the only way you can do both is to hire help to do it, it makes you stressed, you spend more on petrol etc etc etc. it will be worth it. and also it is quite nice for siblings to be in the same school - shared loyalties and all that.

QueenPeaHead · 27/09/2006 12:36

also if the vacancy at ds's school had been there in the first place, you would have sent her there anyway....
so a no brainer I think (although I can quite see it is a stressful decision to change)

misdee · 27/09/2006 12:38

she'll bge fine. around this time last year dd1 was offered a place at a closer school and one she had been on a waiting list for for over a year. i umm-ed and erred over it, as dh was seiously ill and in hospital, would she survive the trauma of being moved etc.

and now, dd1 loves her new school. she is in a smaller class, and has extra help with her reading and writing, which was picked up on within a few weeks at the new school, never picked up at the old school.

she is now in year 2 and very settled. she still sees one or two of her old friends from the old school, but has made lots of new ones.

BudaBabe · 27/09/2006 12:52

I think I would move her. Play it up big-time and use bribery if you have to! She will settle and it sounds as if you need to be reducing your stress levels.

portonovo · 27/09/2006 13:31

I would go for it, the sooner the better.

Normally I don't often advocate children moving schools, but yours is really an impossible situation. You sound quite stressed about it, and it's obviously important to you do the school pick-ups and get involved with the school - it is to me too, so I know what you mean.

It's not selfish of you at all, and I really think it will be better for your daughter too - all your lives will be that bit easier, and it's got to be good for her if you are able to get more involved in her school life.

Bramshott · 27/09/2006 13:33

So will you still have to go to the other school for DD2? Is there anywhere you can send them where they'll all be in the same place, even if you have to wait a while for the places?

LIZS · 27/09/2006 14:41

As to the extra cost , you may find you get a discount for 2nd and subsequent children plus you can hand uniform down !

fairyjay · 27/09/2006 14:53

Can your dd try a day at the new school before making a final decision?

BudaBabe · 28/09/2006 09:19

Spoke to a new mum at our school this morning. In the last 4 weeks they have moved countries and she had to put their DD in one school (American curriculum) and the DS in nursery in our school. A place was found for the DD in our school and she started last week. She seems fine so far.

It can be done.

Original poster

Pollyanna · 29/09/2006 10:26

Thanks everyone. Yes, dd1 is spending the morning at the school on Monday and I will hopefully move her after that. There will be places for dds 2 and 3 at that school as well if we want to send them there (we will also get a state school place for them hopefully, so will have a whole new dilemma

OP posts:

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