bullying or not?

[sailorsgal]

ds 8 has been hit before by another boy in his class and there have been other incidents over the years since reception. This weekend ds got very emotional and said he felt like killing himself. He then said this other boy had been threatening to hit him again and called him weak. Not sure how to handle it sensitively as I feel it has gone on long enough.

It does sound like bullying and reception to year 3 is a long time to put up with the worry and threats.

Time to speak to the teacher.

I know his mum quite well and have appproached her previously but I feel it's a bit more serious now but I don't want to make things awkward between us.

Keep your mum relationships and school matter separate.

Let things that happen in school be dealt with by the school, I would speak to the teacher, keep it factual and let them help your son.

At 8 it's very sad to hear he has said he wants to kill himself, school will have the resources to help you both

The school were very helpful lasr time as my son got a black eye which was completely unprovoked. Ds was very shook up about it. The boy got a detention and had to write an apology.

Some one better than me will be along soon, I can only go by what I think I would do if it were my DD who is now in yr 2.

You must be heart broken to hear him talk of killing himself and I think the school would be the best place to seek some help for both of you, they should have someone there to speak to.

thanks for listening. I am feeling a bit useless. I cry just thinking about it. ds is such a happy little boy and everyone at school says how smiley he is.

Definitely time to talk to teacher but keep to the facts and try not to get too emotional.

Sorry you are going through this.

I am glad I have had the weekend to calm down.

Talk to the school. Be 100% honest about the impact this bullying is having on your DS. Ask them what their policy is for dealing with bullying and how they intend to protect your DS in future.

I might also think about a visit to the GP for advice if your DS is depressed enough to be talking about wanting to die.

I'm so sorry that you DS is going through this, and it must be hard for you to hear. But you can help make things better for him.

I will take him to the doctor but as I said he is very happy 99.9% of the time.

Both my DC were bullied at some point in their school lives. DS stopped the situation by thumping the bully, (not something I recommend, but it worked), while we had to get the police involved with DD's bully. Long story with that one! I would suggest you note down events and make a timeline so everyone can see exactly what is going on. And when.

Now for that comment from your son; children see things as black and white and don't have the life experience to help them see there are other options available to them. It would be a very good idea to get him checked out by your GP though. It could be the bullying is causing your son to feel low and once that's sorted he's likely to be absolutely fine. DS was like this and has not had any problems since. DD was a different as the bullying was combined with major confidence issues. She needed to be referred to CAHMS who were fantastic but have enormous waiting list.

Best of luck with the school and sending big hugs to you and your son.

My daughter was bullied to that level from reception up to about year 4. I started going in from about year 1 and it took to year 4/5 to get it stopped. It was quite low level but was getting bit worse each time. The trouble was, the teachers attitudes of not taking it v seriously. In the end, her and a boy were just kicking my daughter over and over again on the leg. I went straight up the school when she told me (don't know why she even let them get away with it at the time) and after that, I went to the school for every little incident and comment, no matter how small. They finally got it completely stopped in about year 4 or 5. My point really, is that it needs to be nipped in the bud. I think any regular nasty comments is bullying and shouldn't have to be put up with. I would never approach a mum though - I've even seen very good friends fall out about their children arguing. Always leave it to the teachers.

"This weekend ds got very emotional and said he felt like killing himself." Go to see your GP and tell him this. It may have passed, but it might not, children can be good at hiding their feelings. These kind of statements should always be taken seriously, and be professionally assessed (and you given the advice on who to approach if he feels that way again).

Don't approach the mother. Do talk to the school, they can speak to the mother for you, and they can assess what is happening in school.

I took him to the GP. Another incident happened and I thought the school were dealing with it but they have not as the child involved has retained all his privileges. The deputy head asked me not to speak to anyone outside school.

If physical abuse is involved you can go to the police, whether the school ask you to speak about it or not.
Not saying that is necessary, but I would do it if the school didn't deal with it.

Yes I am aware of that now but when my son got a black eye I didn't know that it was an option. The child in question is apparently very gifted so I think is getting away with it.

Sailorsgal, have a look at this section of MN:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bullying

There are lots of good links on the threads there. It's outrageous that the school is doing nothing about this, completely shocking.

Thank you Will have a look.

I spoke to someone at children's services and he said our school bullying policy is flakey.

Said if it was a state school he would march down there immediately but as it's private there is nothing they can do.