School admits doesn't know how to help my child

[lars]

I've had a terrible time with my dd at school. My child is now under assessment but school calls me so many times a week even when I was at my father's funeral to collect dd from school. I can't change schools, the child therapist thinks this may have been the trigger of his behaviour as we moved schools. Is this normal for school to admit they can't cope?
Same days dd is ok but others not, the old school dd was fine ( now YR1). I spend most of the school week in the head's office. DD appears reluctant to learn at school and this is the problem, hides under tables,etc. HELP!!!

if you have the time maybe you could sit in class for an hour or so ramdomley through the week. it may encourage your child to behave an act as a sense of comfort. we arranged this at one point for my youngest. i took an hour out of work on a late dinner to do this.

isnt there such a thing as an educational pschycologist? may be worth asking school.

you could organise a reward system that the school impliments such as if your child does well all day he gets to do something he likes for the last hour.

my childrens school have a reward system called " busy bees" they can trade them in whenever they want for pencils and rubbers and stuff

you could try asking the teacher if they will give him a specific responsability to make him feel important - like watering a plant or feeding the fish or "helping" the office staff, or going round the school with an older child when it comes time to dish out letters or raffle tickets.
hope this helps.

lars, as you say your dd was fine in her old school, how about discussing her problems with her new school with her former teacher? is that possible? the teacher might be able to shed some light on things and tell you how they got your dd to settle.

If you do this and also sit in on some classes as custardo suggests, you might see what's really happening.

Also, if your dd is in year 1 now, some of the problem could be to do with changing expectations not changing schools. Year 1 marks the beginning of more formal teaching. In the reception year the emphasis is still on 'learning through play' (as it is in nursery). In year 1 there is a greater emphasis on learning basic skills and more sitting still and listening. Perhaps your dd is just not quite ready to make the leap yet?

I am really sorry you are having such a worrying time.

I totally feel for you- i wish i could support you with the help you have offered me. sounds like if the school cannot cope then a Statement should get agreed- hope so.

Mrs forgetful thanks for your support sounds like we both need it . Please note everyone that I have been putting DD when I should have been putting DS rather silly of me!!
Education phsy you name it they are all on the case now. Statement is what the school is after but the attitude of the school has been uncaring with no understanding at all. There has been a list of complaints that have not gone in the school's favour and may expain why DS is having difficulty at the school. This may not be the right school for DS but he does not want to change schools - fear of another school like this I think.

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Hi robinw, My hubby and I have had several meetings about this with the school. DS has now been given a label which has stuck and the children now appear not to want to play with him and he has only one friend in school ( happens to be my friend's child). He doesn't want to go to any parties and the school I don't feel have made any special effort to help the situation. The situation has been made worse by socially excluding from the dinner hall at one point. DS is under going assessment at the moment to find out what is actually wrong. The educational phsy also in involved. At home I've tried asking him about having a friend from school home, DS doesn't want to know. By the way my friend's child who is very confident, has a friend problem too.Both children are new to the school but have now been there for some time.
My ds does appear to have a social phobia now.
lars xx

the 'Buddy' idea always raises my spines....as when one was tried with thomas- and thomas hated being 'shadowed' they removed it and didn't try again!!!! They said he had not been 'receptive' to the idea!

But i think its a great idea...i cannot see why in thomas's case they didn't ask someone to 'keep an eye' as mentioned here- at a distance....so could then report to a teacher whne problems arose....instead of just not bothering!

Maybe just changing the vocabulary would help. Could they link him with a "shadow" rather than a buddy? Someone who keeps an eye from a distance, unless closer contact is needed, and takes a general interest.

Hi mrsforgetful, good to hear from you. DS appears to be ok playing on his own. Even my friend's child he finds sometimes too much for him but that I feel is because he is a very over confident child, which ds isn't.
I do feel the other children in the class stay away from ds due to his behaviour and when he tried to play football with the other children they just didn't pass the ball to him and said 'go away'. I feel ds has just given up. Please note he doesn't talk to the children much either. Larsxx

lars, you say the children appear not to want to play with your son and he has only one friend at school - your friend's son - so you'd know about that friendship even if your son did not say anything.

On the friendship front, it's possible things aren't as black as they seem. When my son started reception, the teachers warned parents to expect their child to say they 'did nothing' at school, didn't talk to anyone, and had 'no friends'. And indeed both my sons said this for the first few terms. Yet in reality, they had budding friendships and did mingle with their classmates much more than they let on. I am not trying to trivialise your problems, but just wanted to say that you might be happily surprised if you spend time at the school and watch what happens.