how long did it take your child to really settle in reception?

[dinny]

dd came home yesterday saying no-one would play with her...

should i mention it to teacher or give it time? she started full days on monday after 2 weeks of pms (she does know at least half the class as she went to the school nursery, seems slightly weird she says no-one will play...)

tia, dinny

leave it for a few days - if she is still saying it next week then have a word with the teacher.

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thanks for reaasurance! it's so hard to know what's going on in her little world... feel so unsettled atm ... she wasn' upset going in, well, except for going quiet

It took ages for one of my DD's to settle, in fact she only settled properly about May this year . With hindsight I think it was made worse by the fact that mums were allowed into the classroom every day, there was never any rush for you to leave, you were never made to go. This just seemed to prolong her agony. In year 1 (this year), we have to leave them in the cloakroom and she has been absolutely fine.

Don't worry about your DD saying she didn't play with anyone, I bet it isn't true.

sandyballs, we aren't allowed into the classroom at al - teacher rings bell and they all line up with their book bags and are counted in - at hoem time they are called out from their going-home table one-by-one... Interesting to hear being allowed in the clasroom prolonged your dd's unsettledness(?) as it's one of the things that makes me really unsettled!

anyway, when I picked her up the assistant said she'd played with X all day and sat by X at lunch (X is her best friend from the nursery but they have been put on differen tables now...)

oh, wish I could be more pragmatic and less wet about it!

My DD1 also started Reception this year, she's in her 2nd week. There have been a couple of occasions when she's said so-and-so wouldn't play with her or she wanted to play but someone pushed her out of the way. But then she lets the cat out of the bag by saying she did such and such with the twins so I know she's doing OK really!

I did give her some advice about how to ask other children to play with her in a nice clear voice, not mumbling into her shoes or perhaps by suggesting a game they could play.

my youngest started mornings on monday and wont go full time until after xmas, my eldest is now in year one.we arent allowed to take the children in, we take them to the door and the teaching assistnat says hello to them and guides them into the classroom where the teacher and other children are waiting.once they're all in they put coats on pegs etc and start the day.from what ive seen, the parents that have stayed and cuddled their xchildren outside for excessive amounts of time have just ended up with children that cry for longer knowing mummy will stay until the crying has stopped.i was heart renching monday to have to let him go in alone but he likes going so far and if there was a problem with him or he wasnt interacting at all the teacher would point it out to me.they all need time to settle in and sometimes when the parents are anxious the kids pick up on it knowing they'll get cuddles and their own way etc.it tok alot of guts for me to take him without crying infront of him, my little boys all grown up! it is hard when you're used to having them around alot but it will be great fun for them once they've settled into routine.

Oh you poor love. I reckon it probably took DD1 the first half term to get really settled in last year.

And now she's in hog heaven there.

My ds started mornings last week and has so far had to be wrenched away from me crying each day. On the upside he has cried for less and less time each day (omg what if like the NSPCC advert - he has stopped crying cos no-one will come?)
what bothers me more than the crying is today's report that he's made no attempt to join in and just played by himself all session. I just hope persistence will prevail and we will start seeing a happy boy who doesn't want to come home.

I find most children settle in to class by half term, some then take a temporary step back after the holiday but soon settle again. Children rarely have noone to play with, you could ask the teacher how she feels your DD has settled in. I know last year I had a little girl in my class who always had people to play with but would go home and say noone played with her when I gently asked her why she felt she had noone to play with she said she thought her Mummy would let her stay at home. Full days do tire children out. I never mind parents asking how there children are settling in most teachers realise that parents are just as anxious or more so about there children starting school so don't worry.

DS2 started half-days for his first term and although he was happy and making progress I felt like something was missing, difficult to explain but it was as if school was happening somewhere "over there" and he remained in his own little cocoon, dipping in and out of the school as he felt like it. After Christmas, he started full days and within a few days he was a different child. He suddenly became more chatty, more active in the playground in the mornings, seemed to take in a lot more from school etc. Don't know what the cause was, I though he would be more tired from full days but the reverse seemed to happen. I guess they all settle in at their own rate.

well, dh picked up dd today as I'm at work and he just texted to say she was very "happy and very cocky" when he picked her up, so that's a good sign, I hope!

dinny - Christmas is the marker I think. But I would go in and discuss in with your teacher anyway if you are worried.

If you're worried pop in and have a quick word with the teacher. One of my friends had a similar problem last year, he DS kept saying no one wanted play with him and he sat on his own every break time.I thought it a bit odd as I knew that my DS played with him at least sometimes. At parents evening she spoke to the teacher and it turned out that he had plenty of friends and there was no problem with his social skills! My friend had been worrying about it for weeks!!

Some schools have a friendship bench where you go if you are looking for someone to play with, which is quite a nice idea in an infants school.

I hate myself asking my children who they've played with at lunchtime because you can guarantee I will hear about the 5 minutes when absolutely no one would play with them, instead of the 55 minutes when they were running around screeching with their friends. I never learn!

I confess to being an occasional 'lurker'; nonchalantly walking past the playground at 12.30 is sometimes the only way to put your mind at rest!

My DD also said this last year and I asked the teaching assistant, who was very helpful. She told me who she'd been playing with and also played with her herself. (DH also went for a peep at playtime to reassure himself!) I felt it was good to make the school aware of it so they could intervene if there really were problems.

It did get better as the term went on - I think playtime is scary at a new school and I agree that the bad things take on huge significance for the children.

I will lay odds dinny that she's commenting on the last few minutes .. they have an unerring ability to forget 99% of the day when they're happily ensconsed in whatever and just relate the bits that make you feel crap

but think you should have a quiet word with the teacher to check for yourself