Don't all jumpt on me for this but I need your help......

[galaxy]

I am about to submit my application for dd's primary school and we have chosen a Catholic School as 1st preference. It's not my closest school but it is the one that dh and I feel will suit dd best even though we aren't Catholics. It's not the highest performing school in the town so this isn't about trying to pretend we're very religious in order to get in. Having visited the school, we both loved the atmosphere and the ethos of the school.On a less important note, dd's closest friends who are Catholic will be going there.
I need to submit the school's application form and can't get it signed by the parish priest as I don't go to Church. I am however a baptised Christian but having spent years going to Church don't find it is right for me. dh is agnostic although currently studying budhism.
Doe anyone have any thoughts on what I should say in the covering letter? Please, if anyone just wants to jump on me and accuse me of taking a place that a Catholic child could have, then there is no need as the school's application policy would ensure that this doesn't happen and the school is not over-subscribed in any case.

good luck if it was here and you weren't catholic you'd have bugger all chance of getting in

ditto

i have no idea what to suggest either

If your dd gets in galaxy are you happy for her to attend religious assemblies and the whole caboodle or will you remove her?

Just wonering, then I'll try to help with letter.

I would state that you are a Christian (you don't have to pretend to be Catholic, and you don't have to state that you're a regular Church attender)and that dh is a spirtual person who is exploring Buddhism. You wish dd to be given a spiritual education, with a Christian background. Say that you were very impressed with the atmosphere and ethos of the school, and that the school has been recommended to you (if it has).

The Catholic school here isn't oversubscribed, in fact it's had the smallest intake of all of them. If we'd put it down as first choice, we'd have been in. The children who applied to the oversubscribed schools (2 county, 1 C of E) were allocated it.

Why do you need to do a covering letter?

I think the best thing would be to tell them exactly what you've told us and don't lie. Salient points to include might be

• you're a baptised Christian (enclose certificate if possible)
• DH is a spiritual person currently exploring Buddhism
• you're bringing up dd according to Christian principles (if this is true) even though you don't currently go to church
• you value the influence of Christianity in an educational setting (if you do)
• you admire the ethos of the school
• you love its atmosphere
• you would be happy for dd to participate fully in the Catholic life and traditions of the school (if you are).

Even if you get in, I'd seriously consider all the implications of being a non-Catholic (almost non-Christian?) sending a child to a Catholic school.
Would you be happy for her to take First Communion through school? Or to be left out when all her friends take it?
Can you handle the 'But Mummy, Mrs Teacher says that if you don't go to Confession you'll go to hell' moments, and/or the 'But, Mrs Teacher, Mummy says the Bible is a made-up story' ones?
Basically, are you comfortable with her hearing one thing at school and another at home?

hmm, thanks for all your helpful replies. Mrsbadger, yours has hit home a bit I think. dh doesn't believe in Christ and as far as he's concerned, the bible is a book of stories. She has so far at the tender age of 3, seemed to show a spiritual side - whenever she sees a cruciix, she is in awe and sits and looks at "Jesus on the Cross" and talks about it for ages after. dh response is to say that people have different ideas about who Jesus was and how the universe was formed.

I want her to be happy but I don't want her to be confused.

The alternativeschool is a C of E school but and she'd definitely get in but neither of us got the warm feeling we got from the Catholic school.

Really struggling with this..........

batters, have seen accusational post on this sort of thing before.

be honest and truthful. Say what you have said in your OP.

The point about her being left out at Communion is worrying me. I think I'm going to call the school this week and ask them what they think - after all, I know that in her bf's sister's class over 30% are non-catholic but they may be church-goers and hence able to take communion. There are currently 3 Moslem families in the school and they cope but then they have their own religion. Would she feel like a complete outsider?

I would be truthful and say you like the school's ethos, atmosphere, caring environment etc.

However, you have to be prepared for the fact that this may not be enough - most Catholic schools insist on covering letters from church ministers, even for those applicants seeking one of the 10% non-Catholic places.

On the plus side though, if the school is not over-subscribed and they have a spare place, then the fact that you support the school's Christian ethos might be enough to get you a place.

I would echo what the others have said though about differences between school and home and how you might deal with those issues. Friends of mine have found it hard even though they are very committed Christians - for a family that are indifferent or agnostic, those issues may be even more problematic.

On the point of hearing one thing at school and another at home, that's exactly what goes on for a huge proportion of the non-Christian children in the UK. As long as there's a strong sense of identity (cultural, religious or spiritual) at home, and the two points of view are treated with respect by each side of the equation, there's no reason why the child shouldn't cope. Personally, I think it's a good thing to have more than one viewpoint. I'm all for religion, but utterly against religious intolerance, and understanding that there is more than one way of thinking is the first step towards not developing intolerance.

In my home city the Catholic schools are not oversubcribed and many of the children aren't Catholics. It's not a problem. Only those who are Catholics make first communion.
You could also call the local Catholic priest. He might well sign the form or put in a note to help you. Can't do any harm to write to him perhaps.

Hvaen't read the whole thread as I am having a quick skive in here but I would just say how you would be fully supportive of the schools beliefs and moral framework, how you think the school will benefit her, mention dd friends , besiaclly the letter should say that although we are not baptised catholics we agree with the principles of Christian education and you will encourage dd to take part fully in school life without actually becoming a catholic.

There are non catholic children in dd class and it is a very popular oversubscribed school

On the point about conflicting views at home and school, this is no different really to our situation. DD1 goes to the local school which is not a church school, however, as is standard in the UK, it has a Christian ethos and they sing Christian hymns in asssembly etc. Dh and I are both atheists and therefore dd knows that we hold different views to those expressed in school.

This is probably the case for a great many families who send their children to non-church schools.

As an aside, dh went to a Catholic school and it made him incredibly anti religion of any kind.

haven't read all the posts but, Mrs Badger, children do not generally take their first communion at school anymore (although I guess this might depend on where you are). The likelihood of being told that you muct go to confession or go to hell is pretty small as well (unless you were very unlucky!)
I am a governor at a Catholic primary school which certainly takes plenty of children who are of other faiths and none.
I would emphasise the fact that you found the ethos and atmosphere very welcoming when you visited. If the school is not over sunscribed then they probbaly have lots of parents in similar situaions to yours.
Do you mind me asking whereabouts in the country you are?

We are Catholic although lapsed for many years until we had our kids. We know attend church regularly. We are sending our 2 to the local Catholic School and it has different criteria for entry.
1: Baptised catholic children in the catchment area
2: Children with sibling links, area or not
3: Baptised Catholic children from any area
4: Children of other faiths who are supportive of the school's religious ethic.
Could you swing it on the 4th criteria ?(presuming this is fairly standard) If you tell them about what specific traits they have as a Catholic school that you want to foster in your daughter eg. more discipline, a more caring atmosphere. Sometimes a little flattery will get you everywhere.

If it were to become an issue, would you consider baptising your daughter. I am of the opinion that it is always better to have a religion and not need one than need one and not have one.

At our primarya nd every other catholic primary I know in our area the class do their hioly communion together and spend a lot of timein class preparing for it. I would worry about my dd feeling left out if she was not takign part.

I also find that the churchy catholic mothers are quite cliquey ( I know as I am one ) not in a we want to exclude you way but just because we know each other better.

really twinset? Where are you? (sorry to be nosey - I have a theory on such things and I'd just like to know if it's true or not!)

Blackpool and I have friends with children at quite a few of the catholic parimaries and they all make their holy communion togther and spend time in class preparing.

Most of our catholiic primaries are next door to the church so it is seen as an extension of the school, perhaps it is not the same where you are.

Sorry for absence - dh adn I were having a heart to heart and doing some more research on the web. Also called a friend who has her older dd at the Catholic school. We're going to think some more about it and ask to go back for another visit and then make another decision.

YOur views have been really helpful and given us lost of things to think about.

I guess that what is most important at this stage is for dd to feel that she has friends and peers who live near here and that she can mix with outside of school.

Confused of West Surrey signing off now

There are Catholic schools and Catholic schools. My kids have been in two completely different Catholic schools. The first one was in London and very difficult to get into (something to do with the sats results and top performing Catholic secondaries it fed into I suspect), and had an extremely long list of criteria - very difficult to get into but at the end of the day it didn't turn out to be so great. We were very disappointed.

The second one (we have moved) is in a village, takes some non catholics and teaches about other religions and tolerance etc a well as the catholic/christian stuff and the atmosphere is so much better. There aren't so many pushy parents and the kids are taught to respect each other (not the case in the London school which seemed to encourage extreme competition among the kids which led to bullying and exclusivity.)

I would go with your gut feeling about the school. You like the atmosphere which is a good indicator. Will your kids be happy there etc - that's the important stuff. Phone the school office to ask what to do about the reference/signing on the application. They will probably be helpful if the atmosphere in the school was good.

twinset - thank you for helping to prove my theory! I think Catholicism in the North of England is more "traditional" IYSWIM hence our different experiences with the first communion etc.
Galaxy, if you are in Surrey then I would think that the school is probably a bit more like the one where I am a governor.
Good luck