Great school, tricky group of children - what to do?

[Earlybird]

First: we are not in the UK, so some bits of this post won't fit into a UK school structure.

DD (age 13) is at a highly selective private school, that is generally thought to be 'the best' in this area (a matter of opinion, and there are several other very good schools here). The school is massively over-subscribed with a lengthy wait list of families who would love a spot for their dc (something like 20 children for every place). There are no league tables here, so it is difficult (if not impossible) to compare schools on a factual basis, but dd's school has, without question, the top results in the area for placing students at prestigious universities - which is the 'golden ticket' for many of the parents.

It is possible to test into the school at 5 or 6 years old, and stay there until graduation at 18, and a substantial number of families go this route. In later secondary years, some students are able to take advanced classes at a top tier university just across the road from campus (dd is on an academic track where this would be likely), so that is a real benefit.

Here is the issue: it is a fabulous school, but dd's class has a reputation for being incredibly difficult. There are many children who have behavioural issues - impulsive, rude, disruptive, defiant, poor judgement/choices, etc. One parent who fills in periodically as a substitute teacher has emphatically told the school not to call her to fill in for this class.

There are also a significant number of children with a diagnosis: ADD, ADHD, Dyslexia, Aspergers, high level anxiety, etc. (These are mostly the children who tested into the school at a young age, when perhaps these issues were not apparent.) It comes as no surprise that, as these children have so much to deal with, they are also struggling to keep up academically, or must take tests only under certain circumstances - which requires extra time/attention from the teaching staff. Put all this on top of the normal pre-teen/teen adolescent social drama (cliques, mean girls, hormones, etc), and it is a mess.

The school spends an inordinate amount of time and resources (staff time, tutors, counseling, and even a dedicated staff member) assisting these children and their families. Those of us fortunate enough to have 'just' plain old teen angst to deal with (and no special issues) have been reassured since early primary years that these children (especially the large number of disruptive boys) will 'grow out of it', or that, given the help needed, the students with issues will no longer require such intensive hand-holding.

In the meantime, dd and a group of others who are academically minded work hard for good grades, are good citizens, follow directions, turn work in on time, etc. But they can tend to be lost in the shuffle because they are 'doing fine', and not demanding attention. Or, they are paired with a difficult child in order to help maintain classroom order, help the child stay on task, etc. Dd will sometimes come home almost in tears of frustration at what has transpired in school.

DD is an only child, and with no other frame of reference, I thought this is simply 'what happens' at school. Other parents with multiple children at the school, say that this class is simply an extraordinarily 'bad' group of kids. Fwiw, the school does nothing to encourage these kids to go elsewhere - preferring to let the families realise themselves that it is not a good fit.

So here is the dilemma: does dd stay at this prestigious school with the wonderful reputation, and hope that these issues work themselves out? After next year, there will be a big re-shuffle when quite a few kids leave to go elsewhere for the last years of senior school, and quite a few new kids come in (maybe as much as 20% of the class will change). Or do we stop waiting for the much promised/long awaited transformation, and move dd to another school?

I want to look at one other school (at least) to get a closer view of what they offer - but of course, moving dd would have risks too because all schools put on a 'good face' at open day. And the difficult issues we are experiencing now would not be apparent to a visiting family.

Thoughts? And thanks for reading.

Look at other schools, and talk to parents of teens in her year group if at all possible. Have you considered a single sex school?

Also, issues are no excuse not to work. I had (undiagnosed) Asperger's, learned study skills and time management, and got on with things until university, whereI crashed and burned emotionally.

Thanks for your thoughts and advice.

Can I just say that I don't think the school has had a class like this one before - at least, not in a very long time. I think they are trying to muddle through, in hopes that things will somehow improve through a combination of guidance and maturation.

Can I also just say: I don't think dd is perfect. She can have her moments too, but it pales in comparison.

The school is lying/burying their heads in the sand. If these children have diagnosis of ASD ADHD etc., it is not just going to go away as they get older. It doesn't sound as if the school has much idea how to handle them, to give them extra resources necessary - but is trying to be inclusive. There may well be no other school that the children could go to (often the case for international schools, once a child is SN/SEN there is little specialist provision ).

What you need to look at is: how well is your DD actually doing?
What are the alternative schools like - judge this by visits and contact with actual parents? OFSTED is of limited value in judging schools anyway - you aren't missing much.
I would also talk to the school and express your concerns. If your DD complains of specific issues, ask them what they are doing to address them (for your DD), eg. noise.

But there are tricky times at all schools, it is rarely ever plain sailing. When your DD is upset, try to help her with strategies to cope.