Feel like pulling out of the private school choice

[brandis]

I am probably not feeling rational right now so would be really grateful for any thoughts.

I have enrolled by 7 y.o. DD into a private school to start in September. So if I pull out now I will have to pay 1st term's fees anyway. Yet this seems a lesser evil compared to paying these fees for the nest 4 years (the school goes until 11). I will probably earn a reputation of a total wacko parent at this school too.

I really wanted to send DD private from Year 3 - so that she is prepared her grammar or senior school exams (which are crazy competitive in our area). But the nearer it gets the more I feel worried about my job, about the fact that school fees are covered by my earnings only and I already have an older child in a prep school. So I will need this job for the next 4 years at least. I also usually get some freelance income (which used to cover most of the other child's school fees) but June was really quiet and now I am nervous that something can go wrong here as most of it comes from just one client.

In light of the above her state school option doesn't seem so bad after all, her friends go there and it is quite lovely - even though previously I was determined not to send her there as I wasn't very happy with the academic outcome of my older child who went through the same school (hence he was moved to private eventually).

What the hell do I do???

Peanutbutter, thank you very much for sharing your experience.

I am so confused I am honestly close to tears.

Got DD's school report today. For key stage 1 she got level 3 in all subjects except reading and listening where she got 2a. It's good, isn't it? Or is it average?

DS went to the same primary school until the end of year 5 and all this time I was being told consistently that he was very bright and able and should be fine getting into the selective private school in our town. Then I moved him to prep for year 6, he spent 5 months of preparation for 11+, working hard and enjoying it - and then he didn't get into a single senior school where he applied. He was too behind in English. He will be retaking exams next year at 12+.

DD didn't get into any of selective schools at 7+ either. I assumed she needed more work or wasn't bright enough to do well independently. Both seemed a good enough reason to invest in private for years 3-6 - in order not to end up in the same situation as DS in 3 years time.

Now this great key stage 1 report.

I am so confused! Why schools cannot just be more specific so that the parents actually know how well their children are doing? At
DS's prep they have grades every terms, they get merits, after end of year tests they have the report with the percentage they got and their position in the class. So I as a parent see clearly which subjects need work, what his strengths are, how academic he is overall.

I just want to know how my child is doing at school, not once a year but throughout. Is that really too much to ask? At the primary school they don't even have homework so I would have no way of saying how's she would be coping. I just feel I wasted so much time with DS relying on that happy and relaxed school and wanted to avoid it with DD. So I thought I need to bite the bullet and hence the decision about the non-selective private that does nonetheless get all their girls into good senior schools.

Now I just feel very bitter - I could use this money elsewhere, it is coming from my income, no grandparents help or anything. I am not fixed on selective schools but if my daughter is bright and academic she needs the right environment for that, if she is not - fine, she will have other talents, I just want to know it when I make decisions about her future.

Rant over.

I would put her into state now and then look around and do your research for a really, really good 11 plus tutor! Four years is a long time and a lot can happen in four years, it's sounds like you would be putting yourself into a stressful situation by putting her into private now with the fees.

I would set aside a term fees worth of money in case you would need to pull her out early and would persevere with the private option. Your child's happiness is important but why does it have to come at the expense of learning?