how can you tell a good independent school?

[abbiefield]

I shall probably wish I had never asked this. I am considering sending my DC to an independent senior school .I am unhappy with the state choices. I have read a lot about extra curricular and how good as chool is academically etc. here, but some posters refer to something I am finding hard to recognise - "polish" expected of an independent.

I am not exactly familiar with independent schools.
I can tell a bullsh*tting state school a mile away but how do you recognise this or its apparently opposite, "polish" in an independent one?

All the ones I have seen look pretty much the same to me. Clearly I need to know what I am looking for.

Help much appreciated. Thanks

OP Over the years I've usually heard good things about Eastbourne can't say anymore than that as have never even been to Eastbourne itself let alone the school; right out of my area.

I have looked at Eastbourne and its a good school I think.

The problem is , their main intake will be year 9 (CE).
Ideally I would like to move DC sooner than that (preferably September). As I said she is shy and very quiet and I just feel that if we leave her in school where she is much longer what confidence she has will just fade. Also because she is quite shy she finds it hard to settle in as quickly as most others, so moving into year 8 rather than 9 with a view to staying allthrough, would give her chance to settle in.

I did like the look of Buckswood at first sight, but I have decided itmight be too international in emphasis and maybe not good enough academically to bing DC on - but I havent discounted it.

I am just looking for a nice small school where she can settle and have enough support to gain confidence. Somewhere not too big. Smallish classes. Academically I think she will do well anywhere as long as she isnt stuck in with noise and disruption or even just hurley burley. She likes quiet I think. Can live with her own company well but does like a small group of friends. Not sporty at allI am afraid.

Scratching around in the memory banks friends with a wacky of the wall DS but who needed lots of TLC looked at Bedes (?St) and were impressed they thought it came across as very caring.
Some we know also likes Worth similar area I believe.