Is keeping my son home from school the only way i will be listened to?

[mrsforgetful]

With all the publicity recently about parents being imprisoned if they don't send their children to scool ,it got me thinking about my situation.

Sure, if the school is supportive the child feels 'nurtured' -then great .....SEND YOUR CHILD TO SCHOOL......

However if (as in my case)....

He is Autistic (Asperger's)& ADHD and in a mainstream school without ANY support at all and as a result of this at the moment he rarely 'rememberss' to eat dinner (his Asperger's and his medication for ADHD affect his 'awareness of hunger' So i have asked for 'verbal promptss' to remind him to go to lunch- however he even needs somepone to remind him to get his lunch out of his bag and put it on the luch trolley- otherwise he will get to the hall and his lunch will still be at his class- so he then has to get it and in the short walk from A- B he will be distracted and forget about lunch.

So my point being- if i were 'paying' someone to care for him - I'd 'sack' them instantly if they didn't 'feed ' him- however in order to 'fit in with the law' i continue to send him to school with no guarantee he will be 'cared for'

So if i kept him home and was seen to be being 'obstructive' then i assume the LEA would send round their Ed Welfaree Officer (without me having to write a letter of concern- which is what they've said i have to do- and they will only visit me once they have talked to the school) and i would be able to voice my worriess.

This applies to many problems such as Bullying which is a problem that can affect any child- so If you decide to put your kids welfare first- where does that leave you other than in prison?

The EWO called me today- she has spoken to our HEAD and been assured that the issues i have raised are being investigated .....heard that one before.

Have agreed with the EWO that i will call her if i'm still unhappy after easter.....meanwhile i will read the threads on here about changing schools....

well, fingers crossed mrsf...

Hi, Know how you are feeling, I have just been done this route. Informed the head that I would be contacting the EW Officer that my child would not be coming to school. The school have now changed their tune the school now realize that I'm not happy to send my child to school without the help and support that I expect my child to get. You need always to inform the EWO to let them know why you are not sending your child to school. The school will have to act and try and resolve issue. I do feel for you and know how difficult is to make that decision.
I do know one thing the school are suppose to help the children in their care, but sometimes no compassion is shown. Please note I don't mean all schools are know there are some very dedicated people out there trying to help children.

thanks lars- wandered along to look at the other school today- trouble is i've convinced myself they will be changing schools....and i bet there won't be any places yet.

thanks lars- wandered along to look at the other school today- trouble is i've convinced myself they will be changing schools....and i bet there won't be any places yet.

Just read your update, I know that i've changed schools for other reasons. But this has has affected my dd , so think carefully about change. Try and get the situation resolved with your current school after all you don't have any guarantees that this won't happen at a new school. I was willing to change my dd's school but advised not to do this by child phsy this may make situation worse. Try outside agencies for help and support this is the only way you get listened to and taken seriously.
It would be far easier for your current school for you to send your child to another school afterall they have just passed the buck. Also does your child want to move school I know my dd didn't, even though I knew I wasn't happy. Most people say move schools but this isn't always the answer sometimes you have to stand up and fight for what you believe. Think carefully and take advise afterall moving schools means settling in to a new routine and new friends and new teachers. I do really understand just how difficult this is for you. But I've decided to change the schools attitude not the otherway round if that makes sense. Keep me informed lars xx

'luckily' for me my son does not want to stay at the current school- i have explained that just because you change schools doesn't mean it gets better etc....i think the only reason i feel able to consider this is because he is so able academically- that i feel we have a fair margin for error on that part- and as far as the 'caring' side of things then i know he'd be better of at the new school- however a big bit of me feels we are 'letting the school of the hook'....but i will make it very clear to the govenors why we have gone.

Today i dropped thomas and leigh off at the Autism Holiday club they go to- and to see them talked to 'properly' by the staff- and respected for who they are etc- makes me so happy- i am sat here with NO worries like i have when they are at school....i know that if either finds something hard to cope with then a member of staff with assist. At their school there is just no insight into the way my sons see the world- it is assumed that because they are managing to be ahead academically that they MUST be comfortable at school- i keep telling the school that HOW MY SONS FEEL IS NOT HOW THEY APPEAR.

Luke Jackson (teenage Asperger's author) refers to having behaviour 'Emulators'....as in a deliberate 'different' social mode to 'fit' in. Thomas says he can 'fool' people by switching on his emulator....sometimes i wish he didn't then the school would see his troubles the way they really are.

It sounds like you have made up your mind regarding the school and if your child wants to move then you are half way there regading them settling in to a new school.
I really know what you mean about the 'social' side and how teachers talk to a child makes all the difference. My dd is being assessed for aspherger's and adhd ,etc. The class teacher (Deputy Head) told me we are not trained to understand all these special needs - what a joke!
Not all teachers are like this but it's about time she got some training that's what I say.
I hope all goes well and keep us posted also like the bit about letting the governors know why you are moving your child. larsxx

Lars - I mam a teacher and I have had about 2 hours lecture on special needs so of course i have virtually no understanding but i am still expected to teach sen children with a range of issues. It is not simply a case that i should go and get trained, there is simply no money to train the staff in my school and so we all muddle through. Of course this is not good enough but hardly the fault of the individual teacher who is at least being honest. IUn my school we have raised this issue again and again but unless the gov is willing to train teachers i dont see how the situation will change. A one year course on teaching is no preparation giving appropriate care and education to all.

excuse onehanded typing.

Hercules the point I'm making this is not what I want to hear from the Deputy Head some of the teachers at the school cope much better with special needs children then others, but then so do us parents and we are not trained at all. My own sister is a teacher so I do understand the difficulties you face every day.
All I expect from the teacher is some understanding and yes if there is child in the class who is having difficulties i.e. special needs they try to understand and support. I know this can be very difficult but then its difficult for us parents. Larsxx

I totally agree with you Lars and I dont think there is any excuse for a teacher not to show understanding. What's the point of being a teacher if not? Although of course there are teachers like this. I do think parents are far better experienced and in my school unfortunately not all parents want to get involved or even turn up to meetings about their child. When I go back to school I will be asking for advice from mumsnet on sen kids as to be frank there is no where else to. Our senco is excellent but simply does not have the time to do her job effectively.

Hercules, yes you are right there are teachers with no understanding and this teacher appears to just want an easy day every day. My DS does react different to different teachers. Let's face it we all remember the best teachers in our school days and the teachers who you thought why on earth did they become teachers.
It sounds like you are dedicated to the job you do and very interested to find advice to help the children you teach. Also I agree with you some parents don't show any support or even come to the meetings concerning their chidren. I also help with PTA at school, very little help from parents. That's why I expected more understanding from my DS school in the fact they know I help and attend meetings and try to support the school all I can. SENCO at ds school is very nice but has to go along with Head and Deputy Head. Larsxx

message withdrawn

HERCULES- as long as there are teachers like you who are researching SEN yourselves in their own time- then i feel sure that eventually all our kids will get the understanding that they deserve!

Thankyou.

I think the 'good' teachers are frustrated about SEN training so go out of their way to find out more- one of the teachers at the current school has several books on Asperger's....however when she tries to 'educate' collegues they start the 'jobsworth ' stuff about not having been allocated time to read it- I know i cannot expect teachers to read up on SEN every night when they have planning,marking and reports to write- but i genuinely find it totally amazing that when i tried offering 3 A4 sheets i had printed of the NAS website about Autism etc- that the SENCO said she couldn't 'force' Teachers to read it!

The impression i have is that if they were on a paid training day then they would read it- but as i said there are those of you who surf the net as us parents do....and read our posts on here to help you understand- so though not the majority...you certainly are making a difference to those luck children in your care.

MrsF, that last post made me think. Presumably your school has inset days? Couldn't one of those days be about SEN and Inclusion? Not just because of your son but because it is something all teachers are likely to have to deal with more and more as time goes on. The NAS does training and I'm sure there's lots of other courses/speakers available to visit schools. I can just imagine the Headteacher's reaction when you suggest it though, tell her I said so!

can a parent ask to see a list of all the Teacher Training Day topics?

Davros tell me more and I never knew we could ask to see the teacher training day topics. larsxx

I don't know if you can ask, maybe one of the teachers on MN could tell us? It could be possible to knobble them by getting someone from the LEA or outreach team to suggest it. I would think it would be an essential topic these days. My son's school does tell us the topics of inset days but its a very parent-orientated special school so quite unusual.

reason i asked is it's been whispered to me by a TA that in the past 2 school years there has not been one TTD set aside for sen!

I just got a leaflet about "Education Professional Autism Information Days" which looks excellent. Its £300 for a max of 30 people at your chosen venue. Its run by PEACH which is the UK charity that supports Early Intervention and ABA - I'm biased because of course I also support those things and think PEACH is good - but this looks very good and tailored for teachers/professionals. It might be worth getting hold of the leaflet by contacting PEACH on 01344 882248 or go to PEACH . I'm sure they'd be a lot cheaper and more flexible than the NAS.

Mrs F, Just wondering how things were? I hope you are okay? KPB

Thanks....as you probably can guess i am DREADING tomorrow.....Leigh is very anxious- so have talked it through many times today- am phoning the 'other' school I'd like to change to in the morning.....thomas's only concern is that he'd hoped as a 'new boy' he'd not get a uniform straight away...so he'd get to 'wear what he wanted'....soon got rid of that idea when i told him that if we get the go ahead tomorrow...i will be straight down town to buy new sweatshirts!!! Neither of the older 2 are bothered about 'missing friends' as Leigh says he hasn't got any.....and Thomas reckons this school has an excellent football team.....and seeing that he has been 'excluded' or should i say 'not allowed to join in' with playground football...then a change to a school where noone 'knows' his problems....gives him the perfect opertunity to be included. (sometimes i think that to attend a single school from age 4 to 11 can mean that if peers 'form an opinion' of someone then' they never forget'.

I really hope everything turns out okay for you, which it will! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed. Let us know tomorrow how it turns out!

MrsF - I was just wondering how you were feeling about tomorrow and here you are! I hope it all goes well.