Why is private education so taboo now?

[DoMyBest]

When I was younger I was privately educated as were most of my friends. Now we all have children and almost all of them have decided to send their children to state schools. Whilst for most of them it was a question of money, for others it really wasn't: they believe that every child should have the same educational opportunities and if parents like them start giving their kids exclusive treatment then the system won't work. Some of these parents chose local 'outstanding' state schools, but one couple with enough money to buy every private school in town admirably chose their worst local state school and work hard to improve it.

I listen to these stories with interest, sometimes admiration but mostly respect for their choices & views.

So it's with some alarm, now we have chosen a private school for our son, do discover the hatred this decision engenders. Private education has, it would seem, become taboo.

So here's my question: is it morally right for people to get angry with parents who privately educate their children?

Martorana

Yes, she is very gifted and its a great opportunity for her to pursue the career she so desperately wants. She works extremely hard and will go through several stages to gain a place. very few children are accepted into the school, and it is very small for the age range it covers.

rabbitstew

The Jones's don't go to this school, it isn't really for them unless they happen to fit the bill and then no doubt they would choose it as well.
Its a school that specialises in what dd wants to do, she has been told she is what they look for, it fits her and happens to be a private boarding school.

Aha - so it is actually untrue, what you said about everyone wanting what the Jones's have, then.

So an equally gifted but poor child wouldn't be able to go? They "wouldn't fill the bill?"

Or is it one of those special gifts that only rich children have?

I think there are a fair few on these threads who want what the Jones's have and kick up a fuss when they can't have it.
You only need to look at the animosity some people have towards certain schools or types of school where there is a perceived better education.
You do the best for your kids with the opportunities and choices you have, sometimes they are good, sometimes not so good.
But that's just my opinion having had both good and bad schools for my dc.

Martorana

I am a sahm and my dh earns min wage, we are the poor family
The rich families have to pay.

MiniMum - there is a subtle difference between wanting what the Jones's have and not wanting anyone to have what the Jones's have.

Now I'm completely lost. If whatever this school offers is available to anyone with talent, regardless of income, why should anyone be "jealous" of your daughter being able to go there? I presume we're talking about the Royal Ballet School? In which case it has no relevance at all to any discussion about private education.

Martorana

I never said anybody was jealous of my dd, she doesn't go to a private school yet.
Of course it has relevance because many people have to pay a lot of money for their dc to attend. The thread is talking about private schools.
I believe everybody should be able to choose the education they or their dc want, but if its out of your grasp well so be it.
My ds never had the same gift/talent so would never have gone to this school, I couldn't afford private, the schools round here are shit, they had to get on with it.
I wasn't moaning woe is me, my dc don't get to go private, I helped and encouraged them as much as I could.

"I wasn't moaning woe is me, my dc don't get to go private"

I haven't actually noticed anyone on this thread doing that either.

rabbitstew

Yes, I see the subtle difference.
Maybe I was a bit quick to jump to the conclusion of jealousy, although I do know that this exists to a certain degree.
Are you saying that more people seem to be against private ed because they don't think anybody should be able to go.
I know its only my opinion but that sounds bizarre to me, even considering the point I made above about my ds shit schools.
Money will always buy privilege be it better quality food, a flash car, big house, private school, 6 holidays a year, yacht etc.
We can't all have these things, there aren't enough jobs paying that sort of income, for everybody.

Parents are massively sensitive to the relative opportunities afforded to their DC versus others. Private schooling is a very obvious example of opportunity that is reserved for the few. But there are other opportunities - such as a loving, supportive, engaged family - that are also extremely valuable. Not all privately educated DC from affluent homes get one of those.

You know, I am sure I am by no means alone in being able to think beyond what is beneficial to my own child and to look at society as a whole. I do not make political choices based entirely on self interest. I do hope at least some others do too?

Martorana

I'm too old and grey to think about other peoples kids, been there, done that, bought the t- shirt. It didn't do much good tbh, we don't get to change what gov decide, not very often anyway.
Now, my political choices are purely based on self interest as I expect most others are.

MiniMum - yes, money will always buy privilege. I think those who are anti-private schools per se would also mainly be those who do not think huge wealth inequalities can be justified; and private schools are increasingly only really available to the hugely wealthy, anyway. In other words, the totally anti-private school are largely those who think society is just set up all wrong in the first place and who wish that they could change society in general, not just the education system, which is merely a symptom of our society.

I guess it does have to be said that huge wealth is not normally just the result of brilliant intelligence or unusual talent (that alone does not make someone wealthy), but also requires a certain degree of ruthlessness and exploitative behaviour. I often think that when I look around stately homes, or museums stuffed full of antiquities: most of this amazing achievement, invention, history and exquisite craftsmanship was built on the back of huge inequalities and injustices, intended for the pleasures of a few, not the benefit of the masses. The hoi polloi were never really intended to enjoy these things - that was an unfortunate (and temporary) change in the balance of power. It doesn't stop it all being exquisite and remarkable, though.

I think it is best to make political choices based on self-interest and to encourage others to do the same. I don't want other people to fondly imagine what is best for my child.

I'm sure they aren't thinking fondly of your child, Bonsoir.

People are extraordinarily short-sighted and short-termist when they make decisions they THINK are in their own self-interest.

"I'm too old and grey to think about other peoples kids,"

I'm too old and grey not to.

Bonsoir - whether people are fondly imagining or not, no political decisions would be made at all without politicians and civil servants imagining what is best for other peoples' children. Clearly what you want is anarchy.

My daughter started in a state school, I was educated in a state school and a 'rough' comprehensive. I did OK.

However, our outstanding school let us down, for all the reasons Red Room stated and more, so after much angst, we took the decision to move her to an independent school and I was embarrassed by this!

No one has criticised us, or made comment, we still meet up with her old friends and their parents, interestingly, most have said how much they would love to be in a position to be able to do what we have done, but couldn't afford it.

The education she is getting and the opportunities, astound me every day and to be honest, I am shocked at the difference - maybe we are just lucky with our choice - however I feel bad for those kids still in her old class and cross too that they haven't access to the education she has. It is so wrong that everyone hasn't the same opportunity. Hypocritical, as we could have stayed and sacrificed DD's education (and happiness) to try and improve the state system, but my DD comes first.

I actually find myself making excuses for the fact she is at a private school, only the other day a really old friend I don't see much asked what school she was at and before I had finished my sentence, she said 'you don't have to justify it, you are entitled to send her where you like' and it made me realise how much I do.

We have done what is best for our dd, I am sorry that choice isn't available to all, it's nothing to do with her being 'entitled', we are just lucky to be in a position where we have both worked hard and in a position where we can afford it.

PaddlingLikeHell, I have a friend in the same situation as yours: she's so apologetic that she's sending her child private.

This thread's got a number of us discusding why education's such a sensitive issue, and as one MN said it's because it touches on the broader issue of wealth inequality: a majority of my friends who most benefit from wealth inequality (went to top public schools, have good jobs & substancial incomes) are against it. They vote for parties which tax them the most, think inheritances should be made illegal, and that unused large estates should be confiscated. I wonder, given how both the 'have nots' and 'haves' tend to agree about this, why the communist party doesnt get a greater share of the vote in the UK (not being sarcastic or rude, am serious).

I'm not of the same view. I have more than some, less than others, and I like it like that. I don't believe we have a moral right to get angry that some can afford to privately educate and others can't (especially as it's all relative: what about all the children in countries without access to any education at all?) or who have bigger houses or flasher holidays, but we do have a moral obligation to give back/help even out the most extreme disparities). Oh dear, I've just launched a whole other debate, haven't I?!

I think intelligent people have always been against private schools.

I think you think wrong, Brabra.

See, I often can't believe that when people vote they vote only for themselves but that's just me.