My son has hardly any friends ( please help) Low self estem

[happycat]

I am really having trouble with my ds1 at the moment he is not friends anymore with a boy he first meet in reception they have not been friends since November.I never liked this boy anyway because he dominated DS1 and wouldn't let him play with anyone else.DS1 finds it hard enough to make friends anyway.Now the boy keeps hitting DS1 and ruining DS1 games he plays with another boy.He doesn't want to be friends with him and dosen't want anyone else to play with him.what can I do I have been to the school on a number of times and they more or less say its out of their hands and boys play like that.what can i do to encrease his number of friends.he now walks around saying nobdy likes him it breaks my heart.I have been keeping a bulling diary and have taken photo's of cuts and brusies.Yesterday he was triped up by this boy and 2 other children witnessed it.When i spoke to the head teacher she said she saw the whole thing and it was an just playing.I know the boys mother won't have a word said about her children and has had run in's with the head before and I feel that she is just covering up to save herself trouble.I feel like my hands are tied and feel very down.Has anyone got any suggestions please

Have tried kidscape they were engaged for the whole day.Have just rung again they are only open wed and thur this week.I will try them though.

Happycat, it is bullying because of the effect it is having on your ds. A child we know is from an aggressive background (I dont think he is actually hit but his father wants him to go in the army, he's 3 FFS, so his only toys are guns and soldiers). This child always hits other children and is generally very boisterous and physical. Some parents dont have a problem with it as their children fight back, I do have a big problem with it as ds doesnt hit back. Ds is terrified of this child and wont go in a room if he is in there. I consider it bullying because of the way it makes my son feel.

Happycat, what if he is from a poor background??? that doesn't justify him to make your DS miserable at school and probably a good reprimand will sort him up and prevent him from doing worse things in the future. My baby and I got stoned by an 12 year old from a poor background when DS was 4m old, the police catch him and when her mother came crying saying that she could not cope with him as she was a single mother, rather than being sympathetic to her I rather felt like shouting "if you can't deal with him you don't deserve to be a mother" that boy could have killed my baby. But back to this little yob...

If he is so problematic probably is not a good idea for your son to hit back as the other could beat him badly, what I would do is to wait for any other cut or bruise and then forget about the head teacher and go direct to the LEA, if this doesn't solve the problem don't wait until this situation turns him into the school bullying target (sorry, but it does happen), find another school. More ofstead reports mention about children attitudes towards each other.

if were talking about poor back ground as in low income then thats no excuse my mother was working two obs to bring me up until she met my step dad then went to one full time job because i was in school then and she brought me up as well as any person from the higher class back grounds fair enough she couldnt buy me the designer names but i was always clean tidy well fed and brought up to respect other so people who use the escuse i am from a poor back ground just wants to make me scream because i have been there and was grateful for everything i got some people just dont realise they got it made money or no money you bring your kids up the best you can and if you dont then in my eyes your not a mother as i have noticed on mums net people can ask the strangest questions but it shows they care enough to find out
right ramble over with now it just some people make me MAD

Honestly speaking, with both my parents working since they were 8 years old to be able to pay por the notebooks they used at school and help the family in someway, I continue to be highly mortified by this stereotypes, what I just meant was that regardless of the socio-economical background this sort of things should not be tolerated.

Hi,
After going down the same route you are several years ago all i can advise is get out prompto!
My dd1 had the same problem which kept arising year after year and she eventually became so depressed she didnt even see the point in telling us how she felt.I am embarressed to say i read her diary one day and she had written that she was so unhappy she wished she was dead.On the outside she seemed like a normal moody pre teen.Dont ever feel you are over reacting.Only you know your child.Dig your heels in and do whatever it takes.Sorry to sound so blunt but we have recently had such a shock at the extent of our dd1s bulling i am still too upset to even write what has been going on .I would`t wish it on anyone.Good luck

Thank you for your comments so sorry to hear about your DD motherearth.Your comments made me cry nobody has the right to make someone else feel shitty.Why oh Why does this keep going on.Our school is supposed to have a zero tolarance policy.As most schools do now.To me it seems like they are protecting the bully because he has a hard time at home and they don't want to make him any more unhappy than he already is.Mummy to james I too was from a single parent family, wearing my brothers trainers one size two big (you know the sorts of things).It made me feel crap and not as good as others because I couln't wear the things the other kids wore.I nver felt the need to beat people up,steal or ruin other people lives.So this is why I strongly feel that this is not an excuse either

I have been told that this is why the boy does it .He is kept on a tight reign at home so when he is at school and the other kids annoy him he loses his rag (as the teacher puts it).I am thinking of moving him to another school.Is that a good enough reason to ask for a move?

Dear Happycat,

What an awful situation to be in. Have you had time to write everything down in a format that you can use to make a formal complaint? Even if you decide to move your son, I really think you should make the school sit up and realize there is a problem here. I was bullied for several months at secondary school and it is the PITS. In retrospect, I probably made the situation worse by not telling anybody, but you have an advantage here because your son is talking to you. The sooner you can do something about it the better.
Many hugs, Lorien

Oh Happycat this thread has made me so sad...

If I were you I would make a formal complaint to the school in writing and using your evidence - if they do not respond positively immediatly I would complain to the LEA.

Your poor DS to have to go through thatn - how is he today? - and you - if it's heartbreaking for me it must be a thousand times worse for you.

He only has you to stick upp for him - you have done so well so far. The excuse about the other boy is just that - money does not make a well behaved child and conversly lack of it does not make a badly behaved child - that is plain insulting.

I do so hope things get better
Hugs......to you both

He has come home from school today in a good mood so I am pleased.I am going to keep a very close eye on him though.So I am feeling better today.Another thing that the head said to me is that I should detatch from it all kids say things to get a reaction from you???What rubbish I am not stupid and I know that kids say and do things to get reactions but when you see your child being aggressive to siblings and withdrawn with cuts and bruises there is more to it.So today is so far so good.

Sonnet I have heard of the L.E.A but don,t know who they are or what they do just know they are something to do with schools.Do you know where I would contact them and also ds goes to a church aided school so does the L.E.A still have anything to do with them.