Two terms in what has your kid achieved and how to deal with people

[Kenlee]

I quite happy that my daughter has settled in. Although there are some girls that drives her absolutely nutty. Im writing really because I want some stragedy to deal with a particular girl who is not nasty but a pain.

What do you do if you really had enough but dont want to be rude and just want her to go away?

My daughter has tried to ask politely. It does not seem to work. She has been told to go to teachers but she feels uncomfortable telling on fellow students.

How do your kids do it?

Obviously we don't want to be rude. So would like some kind and peaceful ways to resolve the issue

Assuming secondary? In lessons or out of lessons?

In lessons, maybe ask the relevant teacher quietly if she can be placed away from XXX as she disturbs her in lessons and affects her learning.

Out of lessons. Assertive "Go Away" or "stop doing YYY, it's really annoying", or walk away herself, or blank/ignore her?

My DD1 found that if she was too polite/subtle the meaning just didn't come across.

It's great your DD settled in. It is always the same things about boarding school and how to deal with someone you can't handle or you don't get on with. Is the girls that drive her mad are in the same house? Can she just ignore her? I'm sure she has other friends to stick to.

My DS main strategy is to ignore anyone he finds irritating. In his first 2 years, he shared with 4 or 5 other boys in each room, and very quickly he needed to learn to tolerate, I'm sure other boys had to put up with him too. Don't tell on them on the teachers, it's definitely a NO. After a while hopefully, they will move on and find someone to annoy. I think boys is a bit different to girls.

My DD have a big group of friends, so never really had that problem in her boarding school. In her senior year, she had a role in the house as the house mother, and younger girls could go and talk to her if there was any problems on a more friendly level. Can your DD find someone in the senior year to talk to?

Of course, sometime when more serious things (like bullying)happen, the housemaster or housemistress need to know.

The girl is a problem child and seems to take great pleasure in winding the girls up and then when the girls ignore her. She will go to the teachers and say they are isolating her. Which as we all know is a form of low level bullying. My daughter has already seen the head for moving tables after she askes the girl in question not to stretch her legs out under the table. It seemed from what I have been told my daughter instigated a mass migration of students from the original table to another . It ia the same in boarding where she constantly harrasses my daughter. So we have asked to change rooms. She does have very assertive close friends that tell the girl to go away. Although again this is frowned upon as she is not being allowed into the group. So again low level bullying.

My daughter doesn't want her to be isolated but also doesn't want the attention she is giving to her.

Its encroaching on her lifestyle as she puts it...

My DS is in the same situation as I suspect are most children at boarding school. He will tell you that when you live side by side daily in a boarding house there is only one solution to this problem; ignore them and with nine yrs of boarding under his belt I suspect he's very adept at it.I recently asked how his current particular bête noir is, for a second he looked blank and then said "oh him I don't to know I just ignore him".
Of course this is very sad for the individual involved and we've discussed the fact that this often makes them more irritating and their behaviour worse, but at the end of the day you can't make children like other children. I don't know what's worse, to be completely ignored or for children to tell them to go away. Teachers and in particular house staff are usually very aware of the problem and usually talk to all sides but in the end can't change someone's personality.
I think you've posted about this girl before, and I suspect I've said before that I view it as as a useful life skill all through our lives we will live and work along side people we find irritating.

happy yes same girl...Thank you I will tell my daughter no matter how hard she finds it to just ignore her....