Can we do stereotypes of parents at the various london private schools?

[FireWail]

I know, I know, not everyone fits the mould etc, but every school must have a particular vibe.

I'm curious to know how you would describe the typical family at various London schools - are some more corporate, some heavy on the highlights and gold bangles, some more liberal and creative?

Personally I am interested to know about South Hampstead, Channing, Highgate, City of London Girls, Haberdashers Girls, North London Collegiate, Belmont, King Alfred's, Highgate... but would be quite entertained to hear others too!

Go and hang around at the school doors. Providing you don't get arrested, you will get a good impression without asking here.

This would be an interesting piece to write about, if someone could be arsed to do it themselves.

I doubt anyone would know mums at all of these schools?!

OP, I presume you're a journalist? If not-you start us off with some of your preconceived stereotypes.

We had daughters at two mentioned and I have always told people they were much more similar than different. Really they were both excellent, so many similarities. Impossible to generalise about the parents except that the London ones will have lots of children from many different religions and races and cultures - just about as mixed as you can get because IQ is widely spread and entry is by IQ (and the ability to pay £10k+ a year).

Belmont and King Alfreds are two different schools.

I am guessing OP you have a DD about to start Year 7 - actually no, a DD in Year 5 in a North London prep and are starting to think about where to apply for secondary school....?

How come Francis Holland and St Paul's aren't on your list?

Some mums are Hampstead ladies who lunch. One or two are celebs. Some are wealthy Russians or Middle Eastern expats. Some have chauffeurs picking them up, some use public transport.Most are just ordinary people who work hard to pay the fees and come in all shapes and sizes. Nobody cares. Not sure why any of that would be entertaining
Us too, and as parents with DC educated therein, we happen to be none of the above, indeed as it happens I also teach in the type of state school that are shunned by local parents who have a choice. And - errr... why are you seeking stereotypes? London is a glorious melting pot - celebrate the diversity instead of trying to cram us all into boxes.

Hearts perhaps OP has heard the parents are scary?

Downton Come to think of it the "Good Schools Guide" did say that the car park of DDs school was full of battered old Volvos, so since we had a battered old Volvo that was obviously the right school for the girls . Thing is that still none of the parents spoke to me, do you think it is because I am northern? or wear the wrong bangles?

OP sounds suspiciously like a journo too lazy to do their own legwork IMHO...

Hanging round school gates won't help. Aren't these schools secondaries? Parents will barely go there.

Not a journo. shootingatpigeons is right. What a blow, though, to think that you'd be surrounded by like-minded battered Volvo drivers, only to discover that they were the wrong sort of battered Volvo drivers.

And I disagree with whoever it was that said stereotypes couldn't be entertaining. A lot of comedy is based on that recognition of ourselves in slight caricatures. Of course it's entertaining.

I also disagree that it isn't acceptable to do it about state schools. In fact I've seen the parents at my own children's state school compared with those at neighbouring schools in just these terms on Mumsnet in the past. And though I don't conform to the stereotype that was mentioned, I don't take offence at it - it's pretty valid.

I'll start, then, though this is second-hand. I have heard that the mums at Habs Girls are gossipy, exceptionally wealthy and alarmingly presented with permatan and slinky clothes for a mums' night out.

Apologies to all Habs mums who don't fit that description!

Oh dear, Firewail do you know statesmom? Another irony free zone.....

Actually I had decided you were a bored housewife writing one of those yummy mummy trashy chick lit novels, and looking for some "witty" stereotypes in the absence of being able to think any up of your own

the poshest kids you'll never meet their parents because the staff will deliver and collect them

Incidentally, why are all these Volvos 'battered'? I thought they had their lights on all the time for extra safety etc.

I have a mental picture of the raffle car in Father Ted after he's tried to knock the dent out of it.

Well a friend of ours once said "you much know xx. She's blonde, sunglasses, drives a silver estate". I looked a bit and she said "oh I've just described most of the mothers at your son's school haven't I". Well not most but rather a lot of them. Not North London though and this was ooh about 12 years ago.

Really can't help you out here, (Scottish with children at state school), however I am curious as to what "heavy on the highlights and gold bangles" says about a family????

But OP, stereotypes (and indeed jokes full stop) are only funny if they're about something that at least a vague majority of the audience have some knowledge of or interest in.

I might as well start a thread giggling at how typically overdressed Auntie Jean was at our party and asking MNers to guess what outfit she and Dora would so wear to the upcoming Christening, and ask them to play bingo on what their opening comment would be to cousin Tim.

Mercedes estates become uncomfortable after 150,000 miles
Volvo estates were never comfortable in the first place
Saab estates got borrowed by the dads
Range rovers were a bit nouveau
Land rovers are too boarding school

Mini travellers were de rigeur in the 70's
sanctions busters drove Jags
people with spare time risked driving french cars

Bruno - exactly.

I'm surprised that people are indulging op.

OK then, it was obviously misjudged. Forget it.

I'm going to bite and have namechanged for this. I went to Habs and unless it has changed beyond recognition, your stereotype is widely off the mark. The parents were a diverse group. I don't remember any permatans or alarmingly presented mothers. There was as much of a range in wealth as you could get in the independent sector. I assume that some of my friends had bursaries or assisted places as some of them certainly didn't seem wealthy (though fees inflation and the abolition of assisted places may have changed this). I didn't particularly notice that they were gossipy. Certainly no more than the other people I have met since. The main thing that strikes me now about the Habs parents I knew was that all of the mothers worked, SAHMs were a really alien thing to me as I didn't meet any through my childhood. The other thing about Habs is that its location in the greenbelt means that it doesn't serve as central areas as Highgate or South Hampsted, so it inevitably has a slightly different demographic (perhaps fewer Russian and Middle Eastern expats).

I think what OP may not realise, or have picked up from all the other posts, is that whilst you might be able to live in some sort of bubble whist your children are at Prep Schools, where you may well get a tribal group of like parents who socialise, a bit like Helen Fielding's charicature of North London preps in her latest book, it all changes at 11. I don't know the schools mentioned but certainly in our area of London the schools select on ability, and have an inclusive ethos which actually values diversity, and offers bursaries to try and achieve that. It comes as a shock to some parents that they no longer have any control over that process and that all their resources of social and economic capital, such as knowing what bangles to wear, get them precisely nowhere.

In any case the schools keep parents at arm's length, they are an environment in which DCs can achieve independence and have a chance to develop identities independent from their parents. Indeed they may preach what some parents might regard as subversive values about social responsibility and that with privilege comes a moral duty to care about the less fortunate. DCs make their own travel and social arrangements. Apart from your DCs close friend's parents you rarely interact with other parents. No opportunities for social networking there........

So certainly for me, knowing all the diversity of the families who work hard and make sacrifices to offer the opportunity of an education for their children at one of these schools, and indeed those who are grateful that the schools have offered their children the chance of an education they couldn't afford because they are eg in the case of one of my DDs friends a refugee who makes a living as a taxi driver, versus the stereotype that London private schools are the preserve of the children of city bankers and lawyers cementing privilege (as trotted out by John Major recently) then OPs post was patronising snobbish and vacuous at best, and dangerous at worst. At least the "good schools guide" with it's battered Volvo comment was trying in a ham fisted way to highlight that this was a school that does not match the John Major stereotype.

I agree with Shooting. Preps can be cliquey and we will not have been the only ones to have been put off one prep by the cars in the car park at Open Day. If you are concerned there might be mileage in sitting in a local cafe at drop off time as the social mums gather, though that wont tell you much about the ones who drop and run.

I recently spent almost an hour trying to kill time in a cafe in a part of South West London I would not normally visit. Quite a lot of loud and competitive conversation from a large group of women, who can only have been from the nearby, and well known, prep. Maybe one was Statesmom?!

Secondary though, at least at most schools, is very different. And to the extent that you know other parents it is often because your child is musical or sporty.

Still perhaps an opportunity for a good North-South London barney where us southerners can show off our chips.

Needmore I was going to apologise to Op for my sense of humour failure / failure to entertain but now you mention it I will wear my chip with pride

Shooting - maybe- but my friend has 2 DC at a Well Known east Anglian secondary- and as for not knowing the other parents- well, it's all 'here's this year's contact list (all parents listed with at least 2 contacts, email or mob), here's the Book group, here's the PTA, here's the dates for the Summer Concert, Tea with the Chancellor on the lawns etc etc. They are very much encouraged to 'interact'!

And, to be fair, whilst one of your DC's friends might be the child of a refugee taxi driver, most won't will they? (for the record, my friend plays the 'diversity' card, we're all in it together, rich poor, immigrant, Red Brick academic's DC etc etc, the horror at their tax bill gleaned from DH earning in excess of £120k p.a. didn't wash so well...)

Tansie Boarding Schools do the same. They know their market. But we are not talking about an East Anglian Indie, we are talking about selective London Indies, and what I, and quite a few others say, is true for them. There isn't a tribe type, all sorts of diverse parents send their children to these schools, they don't need to market themselves as a lifestyle choice for parents.