Moving from state to private - what if we want to go back?

[Jenny79]

We are moving our son from a state school to private after the term holidays. He is currently in Reception. The state school he attends does not have any after school care facilities and there are no good quality childminders in my area. Due to this, I had to resign from work to manage the school run. We really like the private school as it will cover our son's school and childcare needs but worry if he will settle in this late in the year.

So I am wondering; if we move him out of the state school, what happens if we want to move him back again? Obviously that would only be the case should he become absolutely uncomfortable at the private school (so much that his behavior ended up warrantying removal). Is the position we are leaving behind kept open for some time or do we have to re-apply to the council for a state school position; and would we receive a position in the same school we left or would we risk ending up in any other school in our borough?

If anyone out there has experience on this subject, kindly advise!

I know OP shouldn't have reacted that way. She should have ignored the post that caused her reaction. However, I do empathize with her a little. Alice's first post was the typical 'lecture' many non-SAHMs have to deal with all the time - everything should revolve around the child. People making such comments think that if you have to give up your career, then so be it. Virtually all of my female colleagues need to fit childcare around their careers, and most of the children end up benefitting from the higher household income.

That said, most good mothers would not choose a crap school even if it offered after school care. Given that OP has not decided to just dump her child with any random childminder, and in fact, opted for the presumably more expensive option of a private school because she could not find a good quality child minder, I would think the OP would not have just picked any random private school for her child without ensuring the quality of education is at least - if not better - than the current state school her child is in. I do not think OP needed lecturing about how important education is, and how it varies from school to school. Duh. You have to be fairly stupid to not know that.

It's the sort of post that would make me annoyed. Don't people think that mums who work do not have to deal with enough sniggering characters in real life??? The OP asked a question - one that did not ask for her decision to go back to work to be dissected.

To the OP - whether your son can go back to his school or not does depend on your area. If you were in London, I'd say 'no, not immediately'. However, if you are somewhere in the counties, small town or village even, chances are you can go back to that state school. The schools in the villages/towns I have lived in after leaving London were hardly ever oversubscribed (there are often more pensioners there than kids!)...

when The OP stated quite clearly that she wanted a school which provided some sort of childcare:

We really like the private school as it will cover our son's school and childcare needs

As for patronising- that's subjective.
I've been teaching for almost 40 years in the state and private sectors. I think it's perfectly valid to make the point that there is more to choosing a school than its 'childcare' facilities.

As the OP clearly doesn't know the difference between a place at a school and a position at a school and uses non-words like warrantying then her own experience of education seems questionable.

You can call this patronising again but as she's been incredibly rude, I don't care.

2 children from my DD's private school left in reception & joined lo al schools for financial reasons. Neither of the children are particularly happy with the new schools & they are invited & happily join birthday parties at our school (outside the premises).

Just this weekend I met one if the little girls who moved out & asked her how she liked her new school & if she's made nice friends (she moved 4 terms ago). She just made a sad face, shook her head & ran away.

2 things I understood about moving from private to state after speaking to the 2 parents...

1. Friendships made in reception (ESP in private schools with fewer class numbers) are difficult to forget. If good friends are made in the new school then it could be easier.

1. The environment in the private school is so different from state & moving back is tough (though not impossible).

I would suggest that your move TO private will not be a problem, but moving back could be difficult on your DC, so do think carefully about why you may need to reverse this decision & how likely it will be before you make the move now.

Also private schools need a terms notice to exit, even a day of delay is not accepted, so it is a financial commitment of a few terms at least.

I took mine out of state and went private. Their state places were filled immediately but two years on the year is now very small at state so theoretically they could return. But the private school is so much better they would never want to

I don't live in London but still I would agree that if it is a good school the place will be filled very quickly. That was certainly the case every time someone left our children's village school and when my daughter left her place was filled quickly even though the class was oversubscribed and way above 30 already.

I understand your predicament OP, we were worried about moving DD too but have never looked back. We didn't move our DD because of childcare considerations, (academic ones), but there are certainly many more parents using childcare at my DD's prep school than there were at her village school. The overwhelming majority of parents seem to both work, I suppose most of them (like us) need to in order to pay fees!!

I think the OP used the childcare issues to make the switch to independent schooling more palatable. Her OP should have read: "The state school isn't good enough for Ptolemy, it isn't what we expected it to be but what happens if we get to the pre prep and it isn't as depicted in its glossy brochure? Can we march back into this state primary and reclaim his place?"

Sharp-elbowed.

Why don't you tell us where you live, OP. And we can find you a childminder?

They won't hold the place in case your son's behaviour deteriorates, no!

In your position, I'd feel a lot happier being a lot surer about what I was doing - if you think it will be better all round, why are you worried that he will be so unhappy that his behaviour becomes so bad as to warrant removal?

The OP Is just worried that she might make the wrong decision and is concerned because she feels her son's happiness is at stake. It is hard to step into the unknown. The OP has simply asked if the decision is irrevocable: if it's not it would probably make the decision to move easier.

The answer, however, is no, the place is not held. And whether it will still be open depends on where you live. You could always ring up your local authority and ask about the waiting list, and how far Number One on the waiting list lives from the school (because the waiting list is ordered primarily by distance). If you are very near the front gates, you might go to the top of the list in the unlikely even that you decide to return.

My son joined Reception late and you wouldn't have known it after a week. Another child joined in Y1 and I just had to pause and think to remember which one she was. She was absorbed into the class very swiftly.

I don't understand why parents get so much aggravation for wanting a school that will help with childcare - it is after all a reality of life.

FWIW I don't think this stops at secondary, in fact I know quite a number of people who have chosen private because of childcare arrangements in secondary too.

Maybe it is because we live rurally and children get dropped off by a bus at 3:15-3:30pm, which is already dark in winter and have to walk sometimes quite a way on their own with poorly lit areas and in some instances no pavements/walkways. There have also been 3 instances of attempted child abduction in the last few months, which doesn't help put minds at ease.

Then they would have to sit in a house with very few neighbours a long time before the parents come home, sometimes 3 or even 4 hours.

I just went to a party where a number of parents were saying they chose private partly to get round this issue, as they were not comfortable leaving an 11 or even 12 year old to walk a long way in the dark on their own and then stay at home for such a long time on their own as well.

It is probably different in urban areas where streets are well lit and you can pop into a neighbour if there is an issue.

alice

I think you have been very kind to the op and raised an issue that may not have occured to her, Op I rarely say this, but you have been very rude to Alice, she was just coming at it from a different angle.

Alice was not being rude or bitchy to you.

I'm sure they'd keep your place for you if you used your evident charms. As a special exception.

For various reasons (basically serious illness which made us reassess our priorities) we're kind of moving our KS1 kids from private to State. DS2 got a reserve-list reception place in the local (very good) State primary after being at the nursery in the private school (and we had to pay fees for that first term of Reception); DS1 is still at the private school as no Yr2 places have yet come up. Ideally, a State place would come up for DS1 for September 2014 when he starts Yr3 but it is seeming increasingly unlikely.

We had expected to be private all the way through but the best laid plans, etc . With hindsight, we should have gone "State till 8" and then taken a view for Yr3 onwards on whether we stayed State until 11 (or later).

We don't like having the boys at separate schools and, if DS1 doesn't get a State school place within the next year, we'll probably give up on the State option and go back to private for both. But that's not the ideal option for a number of reasons.

So, getting to the point - if you're not currently at the local State school (whether because you've gone private or because you've moved house into a different area) you really can't count on getting a place if you want one. I understand DS1 would be offered a place at a failing primary in a town 5-10 miles away but luckily we aren't so desparate to move that we need to investigate that yet.

Don't move from State to private unless you are certain it is a permanent decision. And, given you seem to need the school to fit around your career, don't forget to factor in the comically long private school holidays where you will need child care.

My dc went to three primary schools (cos we moved twice) and each time our main considerations were locality (can they walk/cycle to it) and childcare (after school care options).

Dc have been equally happy at all 3, quite different schools, and DP and I have been extremely happy not to have to give up our careers, or spend our lives driving around on horrible school runs.

It's not really THAT selfish for a woman to prefer not to give up her job, even after she has had a child. There are some benefits to paid work.

OP I fully support your decision re childcare. I moved my child to private school after reception as she was badly bullied and the school blamed her and me! An added bonus was before, after school and holiday care which enabled me to build a successful career in my thirties rather than the horrible casual work I hated and was forced to do.

I was unfortunately in the position of wanting to move one if my children to state a few years later. Ironically she got a place at one of the most oversubscribed schools in the borough as so many kids in that year left to go to prep school (school is great but this is a Kensington).

If you really have your doubts ask the Head of the state school whether they would be prepared to hold the place for say two weeks while he tried it out?