My poor ds!

[nilbyname]

Ds is in reception, and in his class he is the high flyer, teacher gives home extra work as he is operating beyond his classmates. It's just some extra maths and literacy stuff, nothing heavy. Ds is a pleasure to teach and according to the teacher has a kind inquisitive nature. She has nothing but nice things to say about him. So far so good.

His school is our local primary, it's a mixed bag, ranging from tweedy gentry to young families with kids on pupil premium. We like it, we think it's important to be part of the local community and mix with all sorts of people.

In ds's class there are a couple of boys who have behavioural issues. They are getting some support, but one of them is terrorising my ds. I've let t go for a couple of weeks now with little chats with the teacher here and there, but ds is really staring to suffer, so the teacher calls me today and says she is worried now about ds and this is what they are going to do. Sounds good, I have faith in the teacher I know she is trying hard, her plans sounds good.

But....I'm worried that my ds, who much like me is a sensitive soul. I wish he was more like his dad-extreme confidence, really popular. So now I'm thinking, maybe this big vibrant diverse school is too much for ds and he would thrive in a smaller village school which is totally doable. But I didn't want to do that. I want to support my local school, and kids like my ds, and parents like me, well, we are so invested in the school and education and I think it's shit to withdraw that. IYSWIM?

I'm not a snob, this all feels a bit uncomfortable really.

Poor ds, whAt should I do, and sorry for the rant! I think I know what my heart is telling me.

nilbyname In 30 years time, you may not even remember this school, but your son will hopefully still be in your life.

What I'm trying to say is - if I had to choose between my child and my so-called inclusive principles, I would choose my child any time.

I would perhaps give the school a little more time to make some changes. These are very small children and behaviour issues are inevitable. However I would agree that ultimately you must do what is best for your child.
A warning though. I work in a small village school. We still have one or two children with behaviour issues in every class! Wherever you go there will be difficult children. Move him by all means if your think smaller will be easier for him but he will still need to learn to deal with poor behaviour.

My son was horribly bullied at a small, very middle-class village school, but is thriving, happy and confident at the larger, much more diverse school we moved him to. So don't assume that a smaller village school would be 'nicer'. I'd work with the teacher who sounds as if she's on the case.

Small village schools can be much worse, it depends on the pupils in them. There is more choice of friends in a bigger school. In a small school you can get the 'big fish in the small pond' who can dictate things. I would work with what you have at the moment, he is very young. Those with behavioural issues will probably settle down, it is probably the first time that they have come across rules and boundaries , it takes a while to get used to them.

Thank you for being kind, I was waiting on being told I was being a snob!

In reality, if we were to choose a different school we would visit and choose carefully. But that's our last option.

I do want to work with the school, and ironically I work in education and visit lots of schools, so I know there are kids with all different needs in the top notch schools as well as the sink estates, think it depends how rigorous the head is in creating a culture to manage that. Jury's out on the ht, she is new to post.

God it's hard!

My DS had a problem with one boy doing this in reception. How are they going to deal with this - circle time/social skills group?/encouraging "kind" behaviour? I would invite the boy in question to play after school - doesn't need to necessarily be at home, but it may improve matters. I hope this helps.

TamerB - completely agree with the comment "Big fish in a small pond"

When DS3 was in reception, there was a child then who had a number of severe behavioural issues that the school were trying to address.

One of the parents were not happy at the situation and moved their DS to another school.

Shortly afterwards the school and parents of the disruptive pupil agreed to a managed move, and he was moved into the same class as the other child.

I think you need to see how effective they are at stopping the bullying. You could even mention that you are considering a different school. I do find that different schools have different attitudes to bullying - one school may see it as inevitable and see themselves as powerless to tackle it (poor leadership). Another will have zero tolerance and will have effective management and strategies. All schools will tell you they either deal with bullying effectively or say it doesn't exist in their school. Often schools lie. A small village school might sound nice but could possibly be worse for bullying. It depends on the leadership. I would give your present school a chance to resolve things but do make things formal. Email and copy in the head. List all the incidents to date. Your child's needs have to come first.

So is your son being terrorised by the offspring of the tweedy gentry, or the young familes with kids on pupil premium?

Actually, as you've already pointed out that you are not a snob I think you don't need to answer that question.

My son being that it should not have been relevant. Your son is being terrorised by a badly behaved brat. That's all that matters. Whether he's a 'vibrant and diverse' brat or a tweedy brat is really beside the point. And you may get flamed for heavily insinuating that the vibrancy and the diversity is the issue here, rather than the personality of the child in question.

My point being, not 'my son'

mad yes I see how that could be taken! but the point I was trying to make it's the school is a really mixed bag! which we like and support, and no it matters not too much about the kids background. Everyone has the potential to be a crap parent!

We are going to invite the boy round for a play, make that awesome and try and forge a friendship. Stay positive and all that. [Grin]