Private to state school at secondary

[schoolqu]

I have two DSes, Ds1 is 8 and in y4, ds2 is 5 and in y1.

now that ds1 is in y4, I am starting to think about senior schools. It seems early, but could potentially involve a house move. the thing is, I am more and more wondering whether I should abandon the whole private school idea for secondary. We can just about afford the fees, but I don't know if private education has been worth it so far. The boys are happy enough, and there is nothing wrong with the school, but it is not a perfect fit. They make little effort to extend ds1 in maths, for example, even though he has scored at the ceiling of all cat assessments etc, and is bored in lessons. And the fees really are a struggle. We manage but are always down to our last penny at the end of the month. I am not materialistic, and don't miss expensive holidays. But I do miss having peace of mind.

Our financial situation is likely to improve enough to afford private day senior school, just about. But I don't know if it is worth it. The options are (1) a superselective grammar that ds1 would have a good chance of getting into. But obviously this is definitely not guaranteed! (2) the local comprehensive, which does not have a great reputation. However the local school has had improved gcse results (gone from 40 to 65% 5 a-c) and gives a good impression on its website. From the private school perspective, there are two good day schools, either of which would suit my DS.

My head says 'forget private school' but I am worried about doing the wrong thing for my DSes, and I would love to hear about other families who have made the transition from private to state at this stage.

I am a regular poster, who has name changed for privacy reasons.

Roussette that is interesting about the A levels. Part of the reason I'm so cynical about our local private is that its exam results are undoubtedly very good. But - here's the thing. When we went to see it, the Head made it very clear that the school is highly selective (at 11 and 13). In his words, we don't just take the best, we take the best of the best. Yet when I compare the results to the partially selective (25% academically selected) and the local comp, I just don't see the kind of difference in exam results I would expect. Hmmmm.

Dilemma's OP!

I have a quirky child (other say he is geeky/odd. I think he is quite normal, but hey) who is currently at a good private primary. He is an average child in terms of academic ability, but highly creative.

We have chosen the local comp for him for secondary.

The local selective private school was too academic and pushy and did not value creativity, it is all about being academic. Not for him.

The non selective private school is very nice, but has no better results than the comp, so….why pay?!

The other comp was slightly better in terms of Ofsted, but vey academic and very keen on early setting, and basing the setting on English ability (would be a low set then).

The school we chose, is know for good pastoral care, the teachers seemed motivated, the kids were nice (not too formal, just normal kids), and I really liked the HT and Deputy head. They were no nonsense, friendly and wanting kids to do well. The get 85% 5 A-C, so whilst not brilliant, it is certainly not bad.

My other son is a different person (not creative at al, but quite academic and ambitious) who may well be going to a different school!

I visited all the schools in Y5, then visited again a year later with DS. The comp we chose was by far his favourite, due to the pastoral care side of things and great Arts and DT dept.

It's a tough decision, but just follow your instincts and take your DS so you can "see" him in the environment of the school.

Also, you can also move back to private at 13. It is always an option still.

ShredMe... absolutely. And I think the phrase "you can't buy brains" rings true. I was I suppose 'hands on' with my DCs at the local comp, they loved it there and they thrived, but I was always keeping a close eye on what they were doing work wise. I've nothing against private school but I do think that sometimes parents think because you pay money for education you can just leave a school to do it all. You can't, you have to keep on top of it all the time.

Up the road they do very well at the local comp, and due to locally Tech company there are lots of them.

Here, as I said above, they tend to try for the grammar.

If like my Dyslexic DD1 you couldn't read/spell well enough at 10 (even though she'd get a 100% at NVR with a tiny bit of practice), you develop a very thick skin and learn to survive in set 2 at the comp.

Once they reached Y10 most of the nastiness stopped. DD1 is in set 2 because of her written work, she is easily top of set one to talk too
But a lot of grammar school girls are wannabe cool, fashionable, cliquey, gossipy teens. I'm not convinced DD1 would have had a nicer time. I'm certain she would not have had the comps. excellent pastoral care.

Once they reached Y10 most of the nastiness stopped. DD1 is in set 2 because of her written work, she is easily top of set one to talk to. Her peers, especially in science and sometimes in maths have realized this makes her very very useful.

(non dyslexic DD2 arses about in set 1 and will still get As without trying).

Sorry try again

Up the road they do very well at the local comp, and due to locally Tech company there are lots of them.

Here, as I said above, they tend to try for the grammar.

If like my Dyslexic DD1 you couldn't read/spell well enough at 10 (even though she'd get a 100% at NVR with a tiny bit of practice), you develop a very thick skin and learn to survive in set 2 at the comp.

But a lot of grammar school girls are wannabe cool, fashionable, cliquey, gossipy teens. I'm not convinced DD1 would have had a nicer time. I'm certain she would not have had the comps. excellent pastoral care.

Once they reached Y10 most of the nastiness stopped. DD1 is in set 2 because of her written work, she is easily top of set one to talk to. Her peers, especially in science and sometimes in maths have realized this makes her very very useful.

(non dyslexic DD2 arses about in set 1 and will still get As without trying).

Thank you all so much for your input. I think I now need to start looking at schools, both private and state, so that we can get our act together if we decide to move.

Fiscal and starball and other posters - thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It is very helpful to hear from people who have taken a positive approach to the transition from private to state.

Good luck,

We decided to work a bit less, be around more, and although that means private school would be a stretch as less money (another reason, if I'm honest, for going State), it means I am around for checking he does his homework and helping him, and also "just being there in the background", which is what my kids seem to like. Knowing one of us is around, then ignoring us! ha… kids…..

MY dc go to a comprehensive where several children each year have been in private school for primary. When my dc2 was in year 5 the primary school had a sudden influx of previously private school children as the secondary had become very oversubscribed and started only accepting dc who had attended a catchment primaey. My dc's yr 5 class ended up with 4 children who had been in private school, as their parents were worried they wouldn't get into the secondary. I don't think there were any issues, they just fitted in. But we are in a very mc area on the edge of a university city.

Thanks MrsAMerrick ! It is good to hear that some children make the transition with few issues. I am still undecided as to what to do, but I have a bit of time to look into the different options

OP why don't you go for the grammar with private as back up, as many do. You can always switch back to private if your son wants to in a few years by either moving in-year or at sixth form.

Thanks HurstMum. If DS gets into the grammar, I think he would be very happy, based on the children I know who go there. I am just hoping that he gets in. He is academically ahead of his age, but the grammar only accepts about 1 in 4 who apply. I really want to have a plan B that I am happy with, so that I don't fall into the trap of heaping on the pressure.

I am not sure that the cost of private for us (borderline able to afford it) is worth the stress to the family. As part of deciding whether private is worth it or not, I am trying to get an idea of how difficult it would be for a boy like DS to make the transition to a not very leafy comprehensive at 11.

Thanks again to everybody on this thread for all the ideas and insights!

I agree that you can usually trust your instinct about a school.

You have the grammar school option - that sounds like a very good possibility.

Overstretching for secondary could be very stressful and a tense home life could negatively offset any benefits of a private school. Also, don't underestimate how much more expensive secondary is, generally. Their clothes cost more, they need more pocket money, travel expenses, school trips abroad. I'm cleaned out every week, and my two aren't materialistic.

However, should come clean and say our DC are at private secondary having been at state primary, and for them this was definitely the right decision. They are happy and really flourishing in so many ways. Not saying this wouldn't have been true at state school too - it probably would. But they generally feel very safe and like they fit in properly at their secondary, which neither of them did at primary.

Thanks woodrunner. Good to hear that your DCs are happy at their school, especially as you are obviously making big sacrifices to send there (I can certainly relate to that one...)

The more I think about it, the more the grammar seems like the best option, both for DS and for us as a family. If DS doesn't get in, we will have to rethink - obviously.