Selective or not?

[teenmum3]

DS1 and 2 are very different academically but very close as siblings. DS2 is very bright whereas DS1 is sporty (LOL)
DS2 is sitting entrance tests at the moment, its highly likely he will pass the tests into very academic schools. I would prefer him to go to his brothers school as its a lovely school and academic even though its non selective.
My problem is that my DS2 is off the chart bright and I dont know if a very academic school would be better or not.
Do you think the top sets of NS schools are just as academic schools?
Will I be making a mistake sending him to his brothers school just so they can be together?
Im having sleepless nights over this my family thinks he will do where ever he goes.
Any advice welcome

watching with interest as I have the same dilemma as you.....

Can you not talk to the head of your ds2's present school and the head teachers of the schools you are interested in. A non selective school has to be big enough to run sets to cater for a range of ablities.

I've never had this problem as we only have the option of state comprehensive. I imagine that a lot depends on the size of the school.

What does your ds2 want?

He will never, ever again have the chance to grow up with his brother and share the fun of knowing each others teachers and friends and standing up for/comforting one another in times of trouble,( they may appear not to but they do my sons 20 and 16 have confessed that even though they tried their best to hide it they did ;-) ) yet he will always have the chance to further his education... don't separate them, it could change their relationship for ever... you don't say how old they are either, they might change in their abilities and interests, but they will always be brothers

Some of this comes down to the child. Some very academic children will achieve not matter where they are, others need competition. If your DS2 needs competition looking at the destination of leavers will give you an idea of whether there is enough competition for him at the NS.
I hated having my sister at the same school a me as we were always compared - I think we would have a better relationship now if we had been at separated schools.

I have an "off the chart" DS2 and a "normal" DS1 they have not been in the same school since prep. The opportunities birth in and out of lessons DS2 get at his super selective are completely different from that offered in DS1's school. I also have a lot of experience of other schools both super selective and not really selective and it's the same there. My bright DN currently at Oxbridge who went to a very well regarded selective independent was talking to DS2 about a recent series of lectures recently given at DS2's school. He was saying that not only is this cutting edge research and how he would like to have attended but also nothing like happened at his indie and how we would have loved to have had this opportunity. At my DS"s school this sort of thing is a is a biweekly occurrence and open to all not just a selected group.
I have no doubt that DS2 could get the same results in DS1's school but we am not working every hour that God sent paying for results it's all the other things that come with being in a super selective including being surrounded by other super bright children and the stimulation and expectation that this brings that I am paying for.

Thank you for all the replies. I will try to answer all the questions.

DS1 is 12 and DS2 is 11.

DS2 head thinks he will get into all the schools we have applied to.
DS just wants to go to the same school as his best friend.
They were at the same school until last year when DS1 moved to secondary school, DS2 did annoy him by playing with his friends at playtime occasionally.
They are very close but argue as well.
It would make my life easier having the two of them at one school.
I did think about sending DS2 to the NS school and then moving him for 6th form.
Lonecat, DS gets frustrated at his prep because he works much faster than the others so he is waiting around for others to catch up most of the time. I also worry that if I send him to a SS he might not be top and that will lower his confidence and not sure how he would cope with that.
Its such a tough decision. I would leave it up to my son to decide but he only wants to go to the same school as his friend.

Thank you Middleclass,

I am also worried about the competition factor as SS. One school we applied for orders children in order of academic ability so all children know where they are in the pecking order, which creates a lot of competition among children and parents.
I dont have the time or inclination to be constantly checking/helping DS2 work and I am not competitive in the slightest.
Do you need to be a pushy parent at SS schools?

I don't think that having them in the same school should even factor into your decision making process. Send him to the right school for him. I wouldn't send an off the chart bright child to a non selective private school unless there were additional needs which wouldn't be catered for in a selective school. Having children in different schools, especially secondary schools shouldn't be an issue and think about the impact on DS1 of having his super clever brother joining.

My DS2 is at a SS school we"re the most unpushy hands off parents in the world; I've never checked a piece of homework in my life, it's a standing joke amongst our DS's and their friends who wish their parents were as useless non pushy as we are and other parents, who have openly criticised our approach in the past. We and he often know or have a pretty good idea what his position is in his year for most of the subjects and the boys all discuss exam results and what sets they are in especially for maths but I would never discuss it with another parent unless they specifically asked (which I don't recall they ever have) and then I would probably only say what set he's in and only give marks for exams etc if they really pushed for a detailed reply. He's doing really well by the way so I've no reason to hide his exams marks etc I just feel it's not done.