Single sex boys school v mixed co-ed school?

[RMPM]

During dinner last night, the conversation turned to whether boys do better at single sex secondary schools or co-ed. One vocal father (whose son attends a boys only school and who himself attended such a school) refused to entertain co-ed schools.

My DS is aged 5 and he attends a co-ed primary school. As he is an only child, i would prefer him to attend a co-ed school so he can engage with females too.

I had a brief look at various studies year ago which suggest boys do better at co ed schools and appear to have more of a success rate in relationships/ marriages as a result.

I would like my son to be able to communicate and relate to females and am fearful that boys only schools would isolate him from female company. If he had a sister, I doubt I would feel the same.

Your views would be welcome:)

Men who have been to single sex schools always seem to know best don't they? Not surprising that the divorce rate for men who attended single sex schools is 40% higher than those who attended co-ed schools.

Is it really? Where did you see the statistics?

I've read somewhere a while ago that in the independent sector boys do equally well if not better in boys schools. The top performing schools are all single sex; SPS Win Coll Eton Westminster MCS (the latter have coed 6th forms) etc. I'm not sure why being independent should make a difference so perhaps parental expectation is a factor..

I had the same concerns when selecting a school for DS. After viewing the available choices, the one we all liked in terms of environment and ethos was an boys only school.

It is interesting that single sex boys schools come in for the criticisms you touch on but girls schools don't seem to so much. Both, however, went through a period of unfashionability from which they have recovered to an extent.

Boys schools are well aware of the criticism, in my limited experience, and will, in any case, try and develop boys into well rounded young men. Arrogance, snobbery and sexist attitudes seem to be learned from home rather than from the teaching staff!!

I've worked with some rather disfunctional men and women from single sex school but I have also met some lovely, charming and well balanced ones - there are idiots in every walk of life after all.

DS has female friends out of school - in fact his best friend is a girl. So he hasn't stopped being able to relate to them. The teachers are almost all female and, last time I checked, his mum was.

My view ended up being that, whilst I wouldn't choose a school just BECAUSE it was single sex, I wouldn't rule it out for that reason either.

I'll let you know how it went in 20 years time!

As a mother of two boys in a mixed school and a girl in single sex, all I can say is that I pity the girls who have to share a class with teenage boys!

I hear terrible stories of the way boys treat the girls. (I have warned mine that if I ever hear they do anything there will be dire consequences and so far my teenager DS does not seem to have been involved.) Mixed school at 16 seems ideal for me once the boys have had a chance to mature a bit!

It depends on the schools, the family dynamic and the individual boy.

I know a family with 4 boys who knew co-ed was the right choice because they didn't see important differences between the schools and wanted their DS to interact with girls at school because otherwise there would be next to no opportunity.

But fitting the individual boy to the school where you think he'll flourish (if you have a real choice) is probably the biggest single consideration, and all boys with excellent pastoral care and good results is likely to be preferable to 'bog standard' just because it's mixed.

As with so much about choosing schools, it's one of the important factors, but not necessarily the only one.

Ed Hussein blamed attending a single sex school for making him into an antisocial extremist.

lljik there are anti social extremists who've been educated in all types of schools any of them can look back into their past point a finger at the possible cause; school, parents, bullying, environment. They may I. The case be right or they may be wrong but this doesn't mean it will apply to all children.

I think it depends on the child but as I needed to make the decision when they were 4, then I actively discounted single -sex schools. I will not be sending my daughter to an all girls school either.

I also think that for some boys an all boys school can be a disaster. I have seen this close up with a good friend's son. If your boy is sensitive and hates sport and cars etc then that can lead to lots of social exclusion. All boys schools do have a tendency just to offer very 'male' orientated activities. Which is strange because all girls schools are very big on making sure that as well as offering things like ballet and lamda they also offer things like girls football and physics club.

I'd have to disagree with Worriedthistimeround's last point. DS is 15 and at an all-boys school (after mixed primary). He is totally unsporty, no interest in cars, football, Xbox gaming etc, and he is absolutely thriving there. They offer loads of non-macho activities, and his friends are a broad mixture of arty/musical types and rugby players who want to join the army...

We didn't choose the school because it was single-sex, but because it seemed warmer, friendlier, more supportive etc (it has a great mentoring/counselling/peer support system, for example, led by a lovely female teacher) than the main alternative, which was bigger and co-ed.

I also thought a male-dominated place might be a useful counterweight to his female-heavy home environment (me and one sister - his dad died when he was 8). The school does have close ties with a girls' school, though, so there have been regular joint activities and he has plenty of female friends.

DD (11) is at a mixed school, as I don't much like the all-girls schools round here, and I don't think they would suit her personality.

I think as with all questions of school choice, you can't generalise about mixed v single sex or private v state - it is a much more complex matter of different factors to do with the individual child and the individual school.

I guess you can only judge on the experiences you have. I have 3 sons, two are very boyish one is the total opposite. I think a single sex school would suit one in particular brilliantly as he's super sporty and super academic but it wasn't what I wanted for them. Plus I want them all to be educated together.

it's quite useful to balance single sex/co-ed with a mixed/single out of school activity, such as a youth group. Drama and ponies are girl-heavy; scouts and cadets are boyish.

I have DC in mixed and single sex. Like others on this thread I agree it depends on the particular school, however in mixed secondary schools at a younger age (before sixth form) close friendships between boys and girls may be discouraged by teasing from their peers. I also think that sometimes in mixed schools boys can sit back and let the alpha girls do all the talking and organising. Re mix of clubs and types my experience reflects that of tiggytape and exexpat but we discounted schools that were overly 'macho' and I think that that type of ethos can predominate for boys in some mixed schools as well.

I'd love DS to continue at a co-ed school, however having looked round a number of different schools we realised that the best fit for him was an all-boys school. DD already goes to an all-girls school for the same reason. DH and I both went to single sex schools and seem to have managed, so I'm not going to worry about it. Depends on the individual school and child I think. (Although I personally would draw the line at boarding school - still trying to get rid of the habits DH picked up at his)!

Dear All, thank you so much for taking the time out to post your replies. I have found them very useful and informative. I clearly have limited experience with only one DS who is in year 1! Plus at this stage I have not visited any secondary schools to get a feel:)

My son would rather pick up a crayon than a crane and would rather see a theatre performance than to go to the park and play. He loves drawing and colouring. Its good to know that many all boys schools do cater for such individuals too. Plus silly as it sounds, I didn't think he could still engage with females in other ways as pointed out.

I can see the force in saying it depends on the child, the school and the options available. I also agree with not choosing a co-ed simply because its a co-ed but it is a factor along with others to be thrown into the equation.

Very interesting views and experiences which I shall ponder over again and again until I make my decision in another 5 years:))

Thank you

Best wishes

RMPM

ps Macdaddy, please do update me in 20 years!

I think it is useful for boys before they hit the workplace to have seen that the opposite sex can be just as successful.

Girls tend not to need to be shown this because the whole of the society they live in reinforces the idea that clever and successful people are men.

If anything they could probably do with being shown that it is possible for females to get along and cope on their own.

So I would say co-ed is more beneficial for boys. Exam results seem to bear this out.

cory one would hope that boys see this outside of school?

Having a daughter, I'm more worried that single sex school might be bad for her. It's always Mums telling me how horrible girls can be to each other and how "if only there were boys there" it would be better. I would have thought girls will be horrible to each other regardless of boys 20 feet away playing football.

Sending my boy to a boys school doesn't bother me at all. (Currently co-ed primary but secondary round the corner)

Whilst my gut feel would be in favour of mixed schools, the data clearly shows single sex delivers better results for boys.

The exam results for millions of boys at mixed schools have been massively below girls for the last 20 years.

Boys are also less stereotyped at boys schools so thrive in choirs, music, drama, languages, English, etc.

ZOMBIE THREAD

Like other's said, it depends on the boy. My eldest son is very creative, loves English, music, the arts and gymnastics but unfortunately at his co-ed school there were clear lines of demarcation and if you wanted to be a popular boy = rugby, football, maths and maybe cricket.

I have moved him to an all boy prep and he has already picked gymnastics as a club!

My other son loves football and rugby anyway and is catered very well at his co-ed school.

Going to a co-ed doesn't mean you relate better to the opposite sex. I went to one and barely had any interaction - my memory is that we generally kept ourselves separated, except for the ones who went out of their way looking to hook up - the old hair flicking by the girls and showing off by the boys. Those of us who weren't interested in those silly games, just kept to ourselves. I only really started engaging with boys/men at work, and didn't even have a boyfriend until my early 20's.

Purely by chance, my son is at an all boy's school (we didn't set out to find one!). It was a hard decision, and we understood and discussed the pros and cons at the time. But he couldn't be happier and is doing remarkably well, both educationally and socially. He sees no issues with girls at all. There's an all girl's school a couple of miles away, so they are mixed on the buses, and the two schools do "joint" extra-currilular choir, orchestra, drama and do some joint trips in the sixth form to university open days, science events, etc, and annual joint discos. Son tells me he likes that there is very little "fooling around" in school and that the old hair flicking and showing off is contained around town at lunchtime and on the school buses, so it doesn't distract them in lessons. We have also compensated in his outside school activities as he's in a couple of clubs/groups that are mixed (in fact one is mostly female).

His school is also excellent as regards having lots of female teachers (which I understand is pretty rare in all boys schools!).

So, it depends on the child, their outside school activities, and the school itself. As with every in education, all schools are different, so you can't extrapolate experiences at one to all the others.

Great thread, thanks for resurrecting it.