School withholding my parental rights to make decisions

[ScarletFair]

I am the non-resident parent (following acrimonious divorce) and natural mother of my 8 year old daughter.

We have a shared care order and there is no prohibited steps order or specific issue order.

For nearly 2 years I have been asking the school to seek permission from me as well as her father for extra curricular activities yet have been ignored and fobbed off and have not been able to express my wishes on any of these activities.

They have allowed the father to make unilateral decisions despite my repeated requests to be included in the decision making process.

They have also ignored my requests to be informed when my daughter is ill at school.

Can the school legally do this?

In doing so are they negligent in their care to both me and/or my daughter?

I desperately need advice as I feel like a second class citizen in the school's eyes.

Of course it would be better for all if parents were able to look at the bigger picture. But the reality is that they often don't and we are not there to either mediate between them or judge what has caused this level of disharmony. It is essential to treat both parents equally.

It sounds frustrating and upsetting for you, but unrealistic for the school to do as you ask. Would your dd be bringing 2 letters home and saving one til she sees you? Or do you want the school to send one home in her book bag to her dad and post one separately to you? Would your dd be taking 2 forms back to school?

What would you expect the school to do if they get 2 consent forms back, one consenting and one not?

You cannot expect a school to take on the role of the courts and adjudicate - and as non-resident parent, would the school be likely to discount your form? Sorry to say that.

It seems to me that the issue is your ex not abiding by the court agreement. If your ex is not complying with what he said he would do in court, ask your solicitor to write him a letter. Or discuss it with him in mediation.

I do understand your concerns about your DD, which are obviously valid. However, the school really would have so much more work if they could only allow a child to take part in an activity once the consent of both parents has been obtained.

As a previous poster has said - what happens if Parent A says yes & Parent B says no? Presumably, school would have to go with the "no" as they do not have consent of both parents. That's fine but what if Parent A, is the one collecting the child on that day and they do not turn up until the end of the club time? What if they have signed the child up to clubs as they cannot get to school at 3.15pm each day?

Most single parents do have to work to support themselves, so may well need childcare out of school hours. Would you be happier if your DD was spending 1-2 hours each night with a childminder? Would that make her any less exhausted?

Of course I understand that not all separated/divorced couples get on but, honestly, these are really decisions that need to be made between both parents NOT the school. And as your ex is unwilling to discuss things with you, then you need to go back to Court.

Sorry.

Millais In DS's school the headteacher will arrange to discuss with both parents together, then if she can't get them to agree something between themselves she has to take it as no consent was given and not let the child join in.

I know from my teaching colleagues that in some cases at parents evening etc that they have met with the parents separately because they are unable to even be together to discuss their children's progress!
This is of course is time consuming but teaching staff have no choice, especially as they are neither judges or mediators, if parents won't communicate with each other.

Oh I agree the school shouldn't have to and have far better things to do, although in my case the one meeting we had (In yr1 before PR was limited, DSs Dad refused a school trip DS was desperate to go on because it was on his new girlfriends birthday and meant DS being 1 hour late) the head made it incredibly clear what she thought about his priorities and how upset DS was and how disgusted she was that we couldn't act like adults for DS's sake which actually achieved far more than mediation and court.

SiliconeSally and SantasLittleMonkeyButler - You may think it is unrealistic for the school to do as the OP asks but the DfE guidance (which is in line with court decisions) is clear that the school MUST comply.

The DfE guidance is also clear that in the event one parent consents but the other does not the school must work on the basis that they do not have parental consent otherwise the courts may hold them liable. They must not disregard the views of the non-resident parent. And they don't have to adjudicate. They simply have to follow the rules. If either parent says no their vote wins.

If one parent refuses consent the school should inform the other parent that the child will not be allowed to take part in the activity. If that causes problems the parents can go to court to resolve the matter.

No-one is saying this is ideal but compliance with the law is not optional.

I can see that legally that is the only correct framework . Morally and practically it is horrible that this mother, and her dd, and the school should all be drawn into such negotiations.

OP, I personally would attempt every possible route before drawing the school into a battle of consent forms. But I'm sure you have.