Half the year into new schools and all 3 dc's haven't settled, what to do?

[bogie]

Our 3 dc's were kicked out of their private school last may see previous thread for full details Here

Well we finally managed to get them all in school/preschool in our village but they are finding it really hard to settle in.

DS1 is getting into fights at least once a week and when we try and speak to the head teacher about it he isn't there or will ring us back but we hear nothing. He has only made 1 friend and he is a year older than DS so he doesn't get to see him much.

DD1 is crying when we take her asking for her old school, her class teacher has been off sick for the last 4 months and she has had a different teacher each week, I think this is one of the reasons she cannot settle.

DD2 who is in the nursery isn't fussed weather she goes to nursery or not she tells me that no one will play with her but she will go there and play on her own.

They used to love going to school, they would even ask to stay late at homework/after school clubs. I am at a loss I don't know weather to stick at it and them be unhappy or weather we try and find another school.

What are your other options in the area? It might be worth going out looking at schools. Is this the school your son didn't settle at last time?
Do you like this school. That could rub of on your children. If you move them make sure you have completely bought into the new school?
Do your children mix with the other kids outside school, either play dates or other village activities,, cubs, rainbows, Playgroup etc? Might help.

Bogie It really is only one term, and I think that you need to give them longer to settle in.
At most schools, if a child was getting into serious fights on a regular basis the headteacher would be tracking down the parents. In your case, the head isn't so I would be inclined to take a deep clam breath and make an appointment to sit down with his classroom teacher and find out what is going on with him. A term isn't very long to integrate when a child is trying to break into established friendship groups and he may need some help from you by organising playdates etc. The teacher will be able to suggest likely candidates.

DD2 sounds okay - some kids do just play on their own quite happily, especially when they are only in nursery. As you already know, friendships develop in time as children mature. I think that if you look for trouble hard enough you will find it.
DD1 - You have identified a good reason why she can't settle. I am sure that every other parent with children in the same classroom has concerns about this. To some extent this is just part of life - teachers are human and get sick. A school can't sack a teacher because they got sick in order to appoint another permanent teacher. After four months though, it does seem reasonable that the school has a longer-term plan for that classroom than a series of short-term subs and you could certainly ask the head what that plan might be. Your experience is not unusual though and if you search you will find other Mumsnet threads on this topic.

I think that you need to give the situation at least two more terms and remember that kids take their cues from their parents and they are unlikely to settle if you are constantly second guessing yourself and your decision about school.

I can't believe what's happened to you.

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I hope you manage to resolve it somehow, and that your DCs settle.

I can understand how some narrow minded people might wrongly assume that you think that this school is not as good as the private school.

Perhaps they resent your children only going there as a last resort, because you can't afford to send them privately, but I'm at a loss to see what business it is of theirs anyway. You shouldn't have to tip toe around these bitchy parents, but it sounds like for your own sake it might be worth the effort.

Can you get involved with the PTA at the new school in the meantime, or are you considering moving your DCs?

Also, what about inviting your DS's friend round to play?

If I were you, if you are thinking of moving them, I'd not mention to any parents that they were at private school until I'd got to know them.

People will make assumptions about you, unfortunately, but that's human nature.

Hello OP

I am sorry your family are going through this.
yes, there are some narrow minded people about and it isn't easy to avoid them when your dc are involved with theirs.
Is it worth trying to become involved with other parents and arranging play dates or are you adamant you want to leave the school?
Personally, I would give it another term as it can take longer for them to settle if they have been to another school.
There is always the option of H.ed but I realise this isn't for everybody, it is especially good for avoiding the none academic problems associated with schools.

I read your earlier thread with incredulity. It would be extremely unethical of the school to offer your children the equivalent of 2 free places simply because you were a trustee. And I expect you realise that if anyone had found out about it they could have kicked up a huge fuss. And yet you were hoping to be a trustee?! I am glad that you aren't a trustee at my dcs private school.

So now they have moved. I think you need to overlook bitchy comments. It's quite common here for parents to move children into state ed for financial reasons and once the kids settle noone could care less. Try and work with the school a bit more and make a huge effort to organise playdates for your dcs. How about volunteering for the pta?

Thanks for the replies.

The other options for schools are limited the next village across from us has a new school that has good reviews, great ofsted but it would mean moving house as I don't drive.

Ds1 plays ice hockey 6 days a week so no option to join any clubs in the village unfortunately.
I wanted to join the PTA but the day they meet I am at ds' hockey training so I can't go.

Can't he drop a day?

I can ask him if he wants to but I think it will be a no, He has only recently added a day as he was begging his dad.

6 days is a lot for one sport

I have v sporty kids and I think not 6 days on one thing

Whow I live in a city/country that lives and breathes hockey and a kid playing organized hockey more than 3 times week is unusual and they would be teens playing AA minor league or something... What he wants isn't necessarily what is best....

Not really sure how to help DD1 but are there any children at the school you could invite over for play dates? maybe it would be easier for DS and DD2 to make friends that way and then having a friend will make it easier at school. maybe ask the teacher if there's a child they'd recommend asking. I hope your children settle in soon.

I am very very sorry for you. I am an optimistic who trust people's goodness, but your earlier thread made me think the importance of a written document when a large sum of money is involved. If only you had got the promise written down and signed, it would have become clear that the chair is not in the position to offer the discount of the fees.. But it is very easily done, ie just to trust a verbal promise. ( I wondered if you could talk to media to disclose the whole thing, to put the private school in shame, but I do not think that will make you happy really.)

My DD moved a school last Sep. She is generally happy there but has not yet fully settled. It takes time. She is not yet as comfortable as she was in the old school where she felt totally at home.

I guess I would keep talking to the children to understand what is going on at school and in their minds. Maybe lots of fun activities at home? Or take a break and holiday??

Try not to worry about other mums. It is their problem, not yours.

I do hope things get better soon for you.