Anybody live at an independent school? Thoughts and advice needed

[Russiangerman]

OK, so DH seriously looking at changing careers to go into teaching. Has PhD and approx 15 years of work experience. Have been unable to see way into teaching (not so much doing PGCE but mostly how to live afterwards) without first getting made redundant due to massive drop in salary. Salaried School Direct places are almost non-existent in his subject. Friend who works in a senior, mostly non teaching role, at a very well known indy school has suggested he apply for a post they are about to advertise in his subject area.

This is not really the kind of environment DH has envisaged. It is single sex and therefore would not educate our DC. All staff live on site with accommodation provided. One imagines he probably wouldn't be in with much of a chance anyway but does anyone have experience of living somewhere like this? Or any more general thoughts.

I have a friend who lived in accommodation at a famous indy school with her family because her husband was employed by the school in a non teaching role.
The children didnt go to school there.
They lived there for years but were kicked out quite unceremoniously when the school wanted the house for someone else. As house and rental prices in the area were so high, they really struggled to find alternative accommodation.
Don't expect great security of tenure and make sure you have fall-back plans.

Yes, I can imagine this scenario. Obviously you would keep hold of your current house, or at least sell that and buy in the local area.

The lady I know who does this bought a house in a seaside area, which they use as a holiday home. It is an all boys school, so her son attends the school with staff discount on fees, and her daughter goes elsewhere.

A friend of mine does it and it seems to work well for them. All food is included as they look after a group of borders but they have a kitchen if they choose not to eat or have visitors over. They are on a rota which. Think is one night in 7 that they are on call overnight and for the rest they are available up to 8pm if on site. Their kids have grown up with older children including many nationalities that perhaps they wouldn't have met locally. They get one day off mid week to be free which is usually spent sleeping and shopping. Apart from that they have been on some fab school trips with the borders.

I would think it depends on the school.

Dancingqueen, that is helpful and as imagined. Do you have children. I find it hard to get my head round the idea of living somewhere like that and sending DC elsewhere (and that would mean the local state facilities) simply because of their sex. Not even a mixed VI Form.

I haven't "lived" at a school since I was at school myself but I know (or have met) many, many (current) boarding staff - both teaching and non teaching.

As someone above said, you get what you put into it.

Firstly, if it's an idea you think worth considering, it would be sensible to look for vacancies in a school your Dc could attend. You don't have to go with the one your friend has suggested - there are lots!

It's almost certainly harder as amember of the teaching staff - really full on. Your DH might find himself teaching full time + being a house-master + being (moral) tutor to a small group of children as well. The people who do well absolutely love their busy life. You cannot do it if you see the children as a nuisance or resent dedicating 99% of term time to the school.

(You might also get to lead vacation trips - sports, skiing, art history etc anywhere in the world.)

Some spouses take on an auxiliary role in the school and house. Others continue their separate working life elsewhere and only meet the kids in passing. Either is acceptable, depending on the set up of the school. But again - if you're going to resent the children or resent the time your spouse spends on school stuff - it's not for you.

Also, there's a difference between prep and senior schools. Preps are (generally) very touchy, feely; looking after essentially little boys or girls, with all that entails. At senior schools the pupils are expected to be more autonomous, with staff keeping a watchful eye and heading off any problems.

I think if you have the energy it can be fabulous. Please don't do it if you aren't prepared to work to keep children happy.

Oh! Married quarters in a boarding house are usually lush.

And schools often prefer a "family" with visible school age children.....

This would be a senior school. DC are currently at KS1 age. Handing over your life and fully committing are to be expected - and indeed part of the draw of becoming a teacher. But DH has seen this change of career partly as a way of helping society and obviously helping the children of the very wealthy isn't really quite the same thing.

Sorry, that came out sounding more rude than I intended. Obviously educating any child is valuable and a help to society. It is just not quite what he had in mind originally.

Sorry but - very bluntly don't be silly! Children are children.

Firstly, a very high proportion of children who board are not "very wealthy"! Perhaps you need to inverstigate a few school websites to see the true picture?

Secondly, in my very humble opinion, it is fantastically important that very wealthy children (as well as others) are well taught. Given a wide education that enables them to go out into the world with a clear understanding of how people live in all kinds of society - and what they might do to make a worthwhile contribution to society. (I secretly hope that the children of parents whose wealth comes from - ahem - questionable sources , might grow up to think very hard where their money came from.)

Does your DH really decide who he might teach in a class according to a quick snoop of the parents' bank balances?

Crossed posts. Please look up some schools. (The richer the school, the wider the range of parental incomes - down to £0.00.. - is likely to be.)

Look - do you want the truth - or your DH's prejudice?

My parents were nowhere near rich when they paid to send me to school. And there were n bursaries then...

Parents who send their child to an independent school are ambitious for that child. That does not mean they are well off.

They might live above their chip-shop and love books and have raised a child who can win a scholarship (with a means-tested bursary.)

They might be from what English people call "ethnic minorities" - parents who've seen that their child is not going to get a fair chance to shine in academic subjects at the local state school. (Dub-step and athletics perhaps....)

For goodness sake - this close Christmas, why did I get into this?

Oh jeez, I knew this would happen. I am perfectly well aware that there are pupils at independent schools who do not come from wealthy backgrounds. Apart from anything else spending more than 5 minutes on mumsnet will bring up a hundreds of threads that go into this in enormous detail. I think you would agree, however, that the average income for a school like that and a struggling comp is very different. And if your original idea is to work in the latter then careful thought is needed about the former.

We have friends who's kids go to state school in ks1. Dad has phd and works as a housemaster and teaches. They live in a 3bed flat fully furnished on site. Mum works in public sector.

They seem v happy. I think they've saved a bomb in mortgages. Imagine a standard 3 bed semi like mine with mortgage of roughly £800 plus insurance £400 plus council tax etc... We're talking at least £1600 savings.

Russian, I was like your DH when I first qualified. Took a job in an inner city school hoping to make a difference. It was the most depressing 3yrs of my life. Being regularly told to F off, having chairs thrown at me, called a fat whore and having doors slammed on my stomach whilst pregnant. I kept thinking that if only I could get through to them and enthuse them about my subject then they'd respond beautifully. Ha! Some did but most couldn't give a shit. It was hugely emotionally draining and much of the staff were the same.
It's not like this everywhere of course, even in the most deprived areas, but please don't let him go into it with rose tinted glasses.

Zero, if your parents could afford to pay for your education without a bursary then whilst they may not have been rich, they certainly weren't poor or struggling in any way. The overwhelming majority of parents in this country could not find enough to pay for fees whatever sacrifices they made if they wanted to continue to also provide food and shelter for their children.
And I say all this as a fee paying parent myself.

Both of my parents were teachers at independent schools. We lived in school housing from when I was about 3 to age 16. I attended the prep schools my Dad taught at, but went to a different high school as it was only prep that my parents taught at. I loved the lifestyle so much that is a large part of the reason I am a teacher myself now.

I know it depends on the school, but it can often be a real family atmosphere for the whole family. Staff are expected to work extremely long hours though, including Saturdays during term time and do frequent trips away. As a teenager, I was allowed to help on some of these trips as both my parents led them. I loved it, but I know my Mum found it hard as my Dad worked horrendous hours on top of teaching with sport coaching, boarding duties etc.

But it can come to a drastic end. My Dad was made redundant very suddenly when he was 58. The school lost a lot of money and a lot of teaching staff were laid off. With that, went our house, and my Dad's entire career in independent schools- at 58 he found it nearly impossible to find a new teaching job due to his age.

If you go for it, plan carefully and have a back up house plan is my main thought.

Worried, yes I know. I am concerned about the issues you raise. And about the red tape, constant interference from Govt etc. I work in Education and see the problems. I worry that he will flog himself to death and still feel he has got nowhere. But frankly at the moment a 50%+ salary drop to work in a state school simply isn't a possibility anyway.

Russian you state this is a very well know boarding school my DS is at very well known boarding school with a generous bursary policy. I believe 15% are on financial assistance (thats high believe me) that means that 85% of the parents are paying what is now pushing £34 000pa in fees. I'll leave you to work out if a "high proportion" of the families are "very wealthy".
We have a friend whose DH teaches at a very well known boarding independent school they get a nice house food etc. They had no experience of the independent boarding education. She was moaning the other week about the level of commitment expected of him, how he's working most evening either as a house tutor or running extra curricular activities or on call for hospital trips or doing his tutor role etc.most nights he doesn't get into till 11pm and of course he works Saturdays and Sundays.
You also need to be aware that parents paying large sums of money have vey high expectations. A few years ago DS1 English teacher (state comp) was desperate to speak to me I was temporarily working in a situation where we weren't allowed a mob phone and weren't allowed incoming or to make out going calls and I was working 8-6. His English teacher kept ringing me during school hours leaving increasingly irritated messages on my phone complaining I wasn't contacting her. I met her in a shop explained the situation and asked if she could call me at 6pm and was told that she didn't work after 5 pm. This would not happen in the independent boarding sector parents think nothing of contacting staff at all hours and expect responses very quickly. You also do need alternative accommodation many schools rent out their boarding facilities especially over the long summer holidays so most staff get of the premises and go to their second homes. This could be complicated of your renting out your own home. From watching staff many seem very happy but don't underestimate the level of commitment required

It might be worth checking with the school but some have links with another single sex school and offer reduced fees for both. If you want to get you DC privately educated then working in a private school can be a real perk at 30-50% fees.
Living on site can offer a ready build community that is often socially active and inclusive but you are unlikely to get to choose your accommodation and I always found it difficult to feel it was my own home.
Your DH will also have to do a huge amount more than would be expected in a day school. This would probably include Saturday morning teaching, Saturday afternoon sport and at least one late evening covering a house until eleven. School days are often a lot longer.
It is a great experience and the DC are likely to have a lovely environment to grow up in but just don't expect to see your DH much during term time!

I kind of do this. I don't actually live on site but I live 2 minutes away in a school owned house and do a couple of night duties a week.

Personally, I love it, it's been the perfect solution for me. Incredibly low rent on a house in an affluent rural area and my children are getting a private education for almost nothing. I couldn't fault it.

Lack of housing security is a n issue in that if the school think we are better reshuffling then we do so but, as we don't own the house anyway and are only ever moving within the same village, it's not a problem for me.

DH and I live at a well known boarding school and we love it. The hours are really heavy (especially if you live in a boarding house - I'd say DH does on average 70+ hours a week and he is only the assistant housemaster, not the housemaster) but the perks, financial and otherwise, are immense. It really is a lifestyle though, and although we have a lovely community of teachers and their families, it is certainly a fishbowl. However as a spouse you can choose how much to be involved, or not.

Although a lot of the teachers have second homes, quite a few do not. At our school there is no requirement to leave during holidays, even if you live in a boarding house. (The boarding house accommodation gets rented out for various language camps etc but it doesn't impact on us.)

Accommodation can be really variable. There are some dire bachelor pad type places for the young singletons and then some stunning 5 bedroom homes for more senior staff with families. Some people spend a lot of money up front improving the house if they think they will stay there for a long time, while most will make do with what's there. I hated our last place, but love our current flat in-house.

I'd second the suggestion to find out if there is a reduced fees arrangement with another local school, if that is important to you. Someone told me the other day that one of the boys' schools (Harrow?) pays 50% of fees for teachers' daughters to attend a local indy.