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Original poster

Non-optional Teacher Christmas "donations"

20 replies

SlightlyMystified · 04/12/2013 20:48

The time of giving is nearly upon us and this is the first year where I have had to consider gifts for the school teacher and the TA. To be honest initally I wasn't sure if you gave the teachers gifts at this time of year (I know you do at the end of term). Anyway after some thought I bought them a little something each, which is personalised and DS has "added" to it to make it a bit more "from him". I dont want to say too much incase I out myself.

SO...yesterday I am stopped in the playground and instructed, I really can't think of another word for it, that I am to give a fixed donation (not small) to the teacher Christmas gift fund and they WILL be getting gift vouchers!

To be honest it is not the money that bothers me, or the fact that I have already got them gifts which can't be given to anyone else, but being told that I will be giving X donation and exactly what it will be spent on with no general discussion or consensus about it! It has been playing on my mind since then.

I am considering giving them the money but still allowing my DS to give his gifts as he had worked on them and is excited about the thought of giving them now (which is what I am trying to encourage in a generally self involved young man) but am concerned that will cause raised eyebrows and comments. AIBU and what would you do?

OP posts:

Meow75 · 04/12/2013 20:54

Tell the playground Hitler to sod off.

Silly bugger!!!

neolara · 04/12/2013 20:58

Agree with Meow. Tell then you've already got something so you won't be contributing on this occasion. There will be loads of people doing the same as you. Promise.

AMumInScotland · 04/12/2013 21:00

Say "Oh, no thanks, we're already sorted" as if it was an 'offer' and then look mildly confused if/when she suggests it isn't optional. Repeat as requred. Follow up with "Sorry, it sounds like you're saying I have to give youi money because you've decided to do this. That can't be what you mean, can it? Children like to choose their own presents for their teachers. Or at least mine does"

ShatnersBassoon · 04/12/2013 21:01

It is optional. Do your own thing.

CMOTDibbler · 04/12/2013 21:01

Just say no - you don't need to explain your decisions!

SauvignonBlanche · 04/12/2013 21:06

Thanks, but No thanks seems in order.

Original poster

SlightlyMystified · 04/12/2013 21:17

Thank you all!

I will be honest with you, I am a bit of a wimp and am not great with confrontation. I am only just starting to make tentative friendships at the school and dont want to make waves.

But I do love some of your responses and they seem to fit the bill perfectly. Maybe I will grow some courage between now and next week!

The person that stopped me is not one of my new friendships BTW.

OP posts:

lainiekazan · 05/12/2013 12:59

Same thing happened to me. Dd and I chose a personalised present for teacher. Then I was accosted and asked for £20 for teacher and TA. Like OP I meekly handed it over as I didn't want to look like a Scrooge. Then it transpired that only five people had stumped up the £20 and then the organiser and her dd presented the teacher with the gift vouchers.

Wasn't caught out like that again. Next time I firmly but pleasantly said that dd wanted to choose her own gift.

LadyEnglefield · 05/12/2013 17:24

What is the worst possible thing that could happen if you refuse to donate?

bronya · 05/12/2013 17:44

Your teacher and TA will be very happy with what you have bought - it's personal and thoughtful. That will mean more than a donation to some gift voucher fund. Just say 'Sorry, but I've already bought them a present,' and leave it at that!

Flappingandflying · 05/12/2013 17:49

Nooooo don't give in. This is how the Hitlers get away with it. I£20! That's stupid. I don't spend that on some relative's present. Stick to your guns. Act! Say ' oh but my little Tarquin is sooo creative and the teacher has always said how good his art is that he spent ages making his own piece entitled 'Christmas Thoughts'. He's wriiten a poem too. Does your child not write yet?' Head on one side and fluffy smile.

mercibucket · 05/12/2013 17:53

they shouldnt be allowed to accept large gifts anyway if that gives you another reason

Original poster

SlightlyMystified · 05/12/2013 18:16

flapping I love that idea! If only for the open mouthed stares I will get. I agree that it is more than I spend on some family presents and I have to say I wouldn't like to receive vouchers. If I was a teacher I would much prefer a thoughtful gift from those that want to give!

Right, I am going to stand my ground and stick with the original plan! What's the worst that can happen??? This lady may give me the cold shoulder and not talk to me....in fact this idea is sounding better all the time!

I just think it is ridiculous that it is suggested to be a compulsory thing, what about people who can't afford it?

OP posts:

Leeds2 · 05/12/2013 20:24

Do NOT hand over the money.

I remember being incensed at Reception when the class rep asked for contributions from the parents, as a gift from the parents, which would buy vouchers and a contribution from the child which would buy a specified gift. I didn't contribute to either.

JodieGarberJacob · 05/12/2013 20:30

And also the staff would be mortified if they thought that people were being forced to donate money for a gift. Even more so at that cost! As others have said, I don't spend that much on relatives!

asandwichshort · 05/12/2013 20:40

Some parents years ago tried the same tactics but were quickly put in their place!!! I buy for the whole staff - it's not just teachers and TA's involved with your child - I don't want anyone feeling left out!- so a hamper (expertly home made by dd think covered cardboard box ) with biscuits, coffee, teabags etc, goes down well with almost everyone and doesn't cost a lot!

Onesleeptillwembley · 05/12/2013 20:40

I'm guessing anyone giving in to this mad bint will be in the minority. People (well most people) don't tend to go along with crap like this. I'd be quite surprised if she's not already been told to sod off.

Periwinkle007 · 07/12/2013 21:22

I did a small collection in the summer at the request of a lot of parents but I made it very clear that is was a 'if you wanted to get something for the teachers and didn't know what then you could donate a pound or so and we will put it all together but there is absolutely no expectation of it'. I know some years said it was a £3 donation and I felt that was wrong. We had some families give 50p and others give £10. I won't be doing it again because it was a right pain to sort out and I was very careful to get things people wanted us to and spent ages on it all.

Xmas for us is homemade gifts and a card. End of year is a thank you gift and card.

Kenlee · 07/12/2013 23:21

seems like to me your donating to allow some one else to get the glory....

If one says no then others will too..

MomentForLife · 07/12/2013 23:30

To be honest, even if they made it really clear that it was completely optional I would be annoyed if any parent came up to me and asked me to put in for a collection. It puts people on the spot and some people are just too embaressed to say no.

I never get teachers anything, DD makes them a card if she wants. If everyone gave £20 (which I'm sure they wouldn't) the teacher would probably feel extremely embaressed.

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