guess what my DD told me on the way home today (not funny, bit sad)

[BagelBird]

she said that she wishes she could break her arm really badly so that she didn?t have to go to school tomorrow
when I told her that it would really really hurt she said that it would be ok if only she didn?t have to go in anymore.

She said it with such a little voice and a sad look on her face, made me want to cry.
She used to love going to school, I am hoping it is just end of term tiredness and a bit of a phase, but feel so sad that she is utterly miserable. There are a few issues surrounding it all with friendships etc but it has all been resolved. Unfortunately, it has zapped all her enthusiasm and now sees school as a place to worry about, where the work is hard and "boring", you get left on your own in the playground and big children often say nasty things to you just for fun....
Just wish I could carry her away for the next three weeks of term and keep her all to myself
I guess it means yet another chat with her class teacher (which will achieve little butmake me feel better for letting the school know she is feeling rather negative etc etc) and try to chivvy her along. I hate it though. I wish I didn?t have to take her there as well - the walk to school is just as much a worry as it is for her, hating me smiling away, telling her how much fun she will have blah blah, feeling like an utter traitor knowing that she genuinely doesn?t like it

Ok, rant over, just needed to share my woe. Her dad has taken her out to get an ice cream in vague attempt to cheer her up.

New here but saw this thread relating to home education etc. It's very sad that children in the UK are expected to comply at so young an age with what are almost adult working hours. It's also sad that a 5-year old has to feel so sad about where she spends her daylight hours. I totally disagree with the attitude of letting children suffer and stiff upper lip "they will get through it". Why should young children not be protected by their parents? Isn't that our duty and role?

It's worth putting your concerns down in letters too because quite often teachers pay lipservice at meetings and then completely ignore problems. I also think our MPs are completely ignorant of what it is like for many children - instead worrying about truancy and compliance with something that is developmentally inappropriate for many children (if more of us wrote as parents to MPs then maybe a kinder approach to education would happen - rather than sink or swim). What happened to children having a joyous and happy childhood?

I hope you are able to resolve your children's happiness and that the schools in question get their acts together. If not, then home education is a really good option - Section 7 of the Education Act 1996 allows for parents to choose school or otherwise and it is still possible to earn an income whilst home educating.

Thanks for those posts dottyspots and EOLiz. I do lurk on the HomeEd board and am always looking for work from home. Currently trying to get back into fundraising which was my field previously. Only a volunteer for now but I think there is the potential to do this from home. Other option is selling Barefoot Books which are gorgeous multi-cultural books, ideal for HomeEdders! This is in case school just doesn't work out. Unfortunately with three under 7 I just don't know if I could do HomeEd with a hostile dh

oh bagel and others how dreadful

as a mum of another summer child (now in yr 1), I have to say that it does take a while for them to get used to it all. I'm not sure how big you said your school was but one saving grace for us (as dd is in a class with some cliquey little girls) is that the school is a 3 class entry so loads of scope to play with other children not in their class.

Also, don't forget that they are completely knackered at the end of term - even little disagreements probably seem twice as bad when they are so tired. I would really give some thought to keeping her off school for a few days if only to give her a little break (say take a Friday off or something).

Little things I've found that have helped - telling her you will bring her a special treat after school (like a chocolate muffin), giving her something to take in for show and tell - I also find it better (on days when dd says she is 'sick!') to not talk about school on the way in. Talk about what you will do at the weekend - try and give them something to aim for (like going swimming etc.).

I'm a stallholder for Barefoot Books - I love their books (and so do my children).

KateF - thinking of you getting ready for Mon morning. Hope that your little one has a better week ahead.
We had a lovely weekend (despite the weather and footie) and are just gearing up for the school routine. DD is searching for her reading book now so had better help her and keep her positive and happy

Keep going with all the positive stuff. It might never gel for her but I feel that one day soon it will and when it does it will feel wonderful. When she gets immersed in the structured parts of the day and starts to shine and bloom and become enthusiastic and tell you things she's doing that you never thought she could.......you will get a glow inside. I thought the day wouldn't come for me and it still has up and down moments, but, it did gel for my DD recently and I am so proud and tearful when she runs in in the morning. She still has a lot of stuff she finds difficult but we all do and she's keeping her end up. Keep going, stay strong and I send all my best to her.

This thread has made me sad and terrified. My little boy is only 2.5 but has always taken forever to get used to any new situation. He cries every time I drop him at nursery - I've even changed nursery because it was getting to the point when he would scream no no no when we even drove remotely close to the place.

I have a sneaking suspicion that he is going to be very similar in a school environment. We will be based in a small village too and the schools near us are all tiny. In some ways I think that's good but in other ways if they don't make friends, they're kind of stuck. Sigh

Hugs to all of you going through this. It must be awful

This is one of my big bugbears with our education system - it's like a big, impersonal sausage factory and teachers don't seem to have the - training? confidence? authority? time? - to get to know their charges individually and see how they might develop best. I think the problem is far far worse at secondary school - my niece is a geog teacher and tells me woeful, desparate stories. |But even at primary, 5 is so little to be at school for so long - I think mornings only are fine and the fact that you are having to bring this to the school's attention again and again is so sad. Your poor dd. I agree that when she gets older, taking her out of school might send the wrong message but for now, I'd say get her out of there pronto and make the most of your days together at home. In a few months, she might be better equipped to deal with school.

Resurrecting this thread as desperately in need of support . Had a dreadful day yeaterday as dd2 "lied" to the dinner ladies , said she needed the loo but came looking for me. I saw her come to the classroom door and then she was hauled away by a teacher. I saw her face and burst into tears . I can't have her called a liar and man-handled like this. If I didn't have to work she wouldn't have gone back but all I can do is say she's just doing mornings until the end of term. Think we might be on our way to HE but dh is mad as anything at me

Read your thread when it started but haven't really had much experience of children disliking school so didn't join in - but just wanted to offer my support. It sounds like you are really unhappy with the way the school is dealing with the problem, and also the way they're talking about your daughter.Teachers can be very insensitive, and I quite agree that you can't have her treated like this. She obviously isn't a "liar" but scared and upset. It's taken me four children to work out that the most important thing about being a parent are to trust your instincts and always be on your child's side. If you think HE won't work, have you thought about a different school?

Thank you littleshebear - it means a lot to come back and find a kind post like that . Dh and I have discussed an alternative school but I am reluctant to uproot dd1 who is happy and settled at school. Am feeling better now as we have had a nice afternoon - did some reading, playdoh, outside play with dd2 and dd3 (so she did literacy, creative development and PE!)

Oh, Kate! That is just awful. I am so sorry they are handling your little one so badly. Poor thing.
My DD is still struggling. The last two mornings I have sent DH to take her into school as I can?t cope with it at all. Her crying and begging to stay home is just dreadful.
Her class teacher is lovely and while not resolving the problem yet, both DH and I have talked at length (almost daily this week) about it with her teacher and classroom assistant (a real mother hen of a woman) and feel that they are genuinely trying to resolve it and get to the root of it all. It is so hard not to become totally obsessive about it. Whenever anyone asks me about her I have to physically stop myself rambling on and on about it as I am so nearly at my wits end over it.
The lack of specific issues makes it so hard to deal with effectively. She has a general dislike of school now and has been totally switched off. We have identified key points in the week that she enjoys (show and tell day and swimming) which helps on two mornings a week. The other 3 days are very hard. The only concrete work related thing is connected with her maths. We are trying hard to encourage her and support her but don?t want to pressure her/overload her with extra stuff at home. Trying to balance it all is tough. Wanting to probe her about school, trying to gain insight without freaking her out, playing it down without belittling her worries etc etc
I admit that I have found myself over compensating. Today she cried all the way home for no reason other than she wanted to see her dad and go home as fast as possible. It was genuine misery, pracitically ran out of school, not put on or attention seeking. I took her out for a coffee shop treat and then we went girly clothes shopping - new Bratz top (I loathe Bratz..).
As I told her teacher, on one hand we are counting down the days to the end of term hoping a break and a new year will give time to sort it all out. However, on the other hand, it has been getting steadily worse and has had a serious effect on her learning for at least half a term. That is a long time for a little girl to be miserable on a daily basis.
We are still kicking around the HE option but are reluctant still to go beyond considering it as anything but Plan C (B being an other school). Is our timidness and cautious way of dealing with it all letting her down? That thought plagues me.
I told her teacher yesterday that I felt let down that the school didn?t jump on the friendship issues sooner and let them "work themselves out" as I do hold that at least partly responsible. 5 yr olds need support and help to resolve problems, it is not fair to dither and avoid confrontation with awkward parents at the expense of another child.
Sorry, long rant just so tired and so frustrated by all of this

Glad to so you have had a lovely afternoon. We need to hang on to those lovely family times to see us all through to the end of term

Oh BB - I was hoping you would come back and say your dd was happier {sad]. I know what you mean about feeling that our maternal ditherings are not helping. Is your dd your only child? My problem is that dd1 is a completely different child and likes school but would not take well to a change. I also feel that it may just be that school and dd2 don't go together. Am doing a lot of research on HE atm but I did have plans for taking up a career again. I know it sounds selfish but I was looking forward to a bit of grown up life again . Still, I will do whatever it takes to give her an appropriate education and if that means HE for the time being then that's what I'll do.
Hoping you make it through to the end of term without too many tears-will be thinking of you.

Kate

Kate, I have two girls, one at school and one in playgroup. Mine are very different too. DD1 is tom boyish and active, shy inside. DD2 is cute girly girl with dolls etc and "bestest friends" and yet is one tough cookie, more emotionally settled than DD1.

Apparently DD1?s class teacher is going to keep a careful log about DD1 all next week, noting down her mood changes, level of participation etc to see if we can find some triggers or daily hot spots that upset her. Worth a try I suppose and at least they are constantly talking about it with us now, recognise that there is a problem and seem anxious to sort it out. Roll on the weekend!! Can?t wait

Hope your DDs have a good day. Just a though - at breaktime etc is there any way your DD1 could look out for DD2 and let her sit with her big friends/ask the school if DD2 can sit with DD1 in lunch etc or do they have different break times?