Please help me to make up my mind.....

[Flowertop]

Hi, haven't posted for a while but could do with your help. DS1 and DS2 go to local village school with a view to going to secondary school in the same town. DS1 always had struggles with his maths and spelling and will be going into junior school September with class of 29. Also DS1 has never had any close friends in his class and is rarely if ever invited to tea, although we do have others back and then he is invited back but it is rarely initiated. Anyway both have the opportunity to attend a private school which is about 7 miles away from the village. The boys have both been for a day visit and think that they will settle in but have quite a few issues about making the decision 1) concerned about taking them out of the village and local community 2) worried that it will be the biggest mistake of my life. If I don't do it a) worried that their education would have benefitted in much smaller classes (DS2 will have 13 in class)b) worried that it will be the biggest mistake of my life.
Help. Really is the biggest decision I have had to make and could do with your advice. If I do change don't want to delay as DS1 going into juniors and once there don't want to have to move him as will be older and harder to move.
Thanks as ever
XXX

Did you like the private school?

Thanks for getting back so quick Blonde that's the problem I love it and had a really good feeling about it. It's just that I'm taking them away from the village community and then when they're older they won't have their friends (hopefully by then DS1 will have some!) locally and will feel out of it.
XX

You will always have doubts about doing the right thing. Do you actually like it and think you'll all fit in ?

We moved ds to a private school at that stage last September (he had to move school anyway as we moved back from abroad and dd was due to start). He still has 20 in his class though but has access to a varied curriculum and is very happy. He has no local friends as a result though, havign not really lived here long and coming home too late to attend after shcool groups, but see no reason why you cannot try to maintain some of his existing local friendships, if selectively perhaps.

I am sure that there will be other children at the school from your village or other nearby places

Yes I did like it and got the feeling we would all fit in, but who knows when you actually start. The problem is I'm sure they would benefit educationally but would the benefit be enough to make the move. I do also have concerns about the senior school later on which is a real plus point for doing it. Thanks for your time on this.
X

It is nice if friends are local, but it sounds like you've already tried that and it's not that successful. This might help: We moved a few years ago and one of our main reasons was so that DS1 would go to a local secondary school, be able to walk there, and have lots of mates nearby. It turned out to be a disaster for him on lots of levels; it didn't suit him educationally and he didn't actually make many friends. When we finally had no choice but to move him (assaulted by a teacher!) he ended up at a school 5 miles away. Most of his friends don't live nearby, but he is extremely happy, is doing well educationally and there are one or two kids from the school nearby which is enough. If you feel your kids would benefit educationally personally I would go for it - yes the social thing is important, but it is easier to help engineer the social stuff than the education!

Sunnydelight thanks for your response. It's like I can't bear to make the wrong choice. I think I've made my mind up and then something comes up and I change again. DS1 does not have many friends and is not great socially kind of everyone has to do the running but he won't and to be honest can appear quite off and rude but I know it is shyness (his father is the same). Feel sure this won't change in his new school but you're right I do feel educationally he will benefit. Will just feel a bit of an outcast in our own village.
XX

Could they join, say, Cubs or something like that locally so they could keep up local friends as well? I did that -- went to church school outside village but also to local Briwnie pack so had friends in both places.

In your position, assuming you can afford it, I think I'd go for the new school.

Hi
We did this for DS age last year, he went into a private school in year 5. We had a number of reasons, including getting him upto speed academically. I dont want him to be unhappy under too much pressure but being ignored as not the top or the bottom of his class just led to him being ignored. DH and I were of the opinion he wouldnt pass the entrance exam at 11 so we took the opportunity to move him. We are all (DH, DS and myself) still in touch with his friends from the old school (I know you are not in that position). But his old school wasnt in our village, however he has been to football and youth club in our village and so he does have friends locally but not as many as I'd like, but to be honest he does so much stuff at his new school - sport, music, drama, nature etc that he doesnt have much time for local playing out.
You must make the decision that will have the biggest impact on your children and it will probably be their education, when that settles down they will make friends more suited to them as individuals.
Best of luck, hope this helps

Starmummy that is really helpful. Did you DS mind being changed in year 5 or is he quite flexible. The thing is I do not want any of my two to go to local comp (number of reasons!) so I know I have to make the move soon. Also when we went to the private school and DS1 did tests he was quite behind the rest of his peers but the school insisted that they could bring him up to speed. I have decided to temporarily put the decision on hold as think I am trying to get in for the start of term in September and just putting pressure on myself to make a decision. I will then see how he goes in his first term of juniors and go from there. You have all been so helpful. I always know when I have a problem Mumsnet is the place to turn.
XX

Sorry for the delay flowerpot, had to work then collect DS and the bar at cricket proved too much of a draw in this lovely weather.
No DS didnt mind, we reassured him about his old friends, hyped up the new stuff (which I have to say has more than lived up to his and my expectations).
We visited a number of schools and then took him to see this one. It did help he had a distant friend who went to this school. The facilities just sold it to him, he knew we would be paying and that the decision had to be right for all of us. All I can say is, if you think its right for you and you can afford it, do it. It has made a real difference to all of us.