'Competitive'

[PrettyCandles]

5yo ds has just received a report from Sunday school in which it states that he is very competitive. Every single report that he has received from 4 different educational establishments, and at every parent-teacher meeting, has stated that he is very competitive. They also state that he is sociable, intelligent, articulate, attentive and a pleasure to teach (if you'll forgive the boast, but it's true) so I have no particular concerns. It's just that I'm puzzled about the competitiveness.

It came a s atotal surprise the first time, and I put it down to the fact that I didn't really know what ds was like in a school environment, so completely different to the home environmnet. His competitiveness was never mentioned at nursery. I've since noticed that he always talks about competition and winning, always gloats over his winning and until a couple of weeks ago could never let his little sister win.

Are all 5yo boys competitive? If so, why mention it particularly? I imagine it's a fairly good thing, but how does it fit in with learning consideration and compassion?

I think it is very normal at this age and I'm sure I've read threads on here about it so you are not alone!

I think competitiveness is part of children learning about their own abilities to do things and make an 'impression' on the world iykwim...it's part of human nature - a big part. It can motivate us to a huge degree; my DS will always try and race if I challenge him to it (if I'm trying to get him dressed or something!)

He sounds such a bright boy! I'm sure as he matures he will be able to learn about masking the will to win a bit and being a 'good loser', as part of learning more about socialisation at school. I would think you have no worries at all - they've mentioned it I guess because it shows in him perhaps more than some others? Is he sporty? Competitive and sporty is a very good combination as most sportsmen would testify!!!

They're not all, but some seem to be! DS1 is still almost completely uncompetitive even now at nearly 8, though it is creeping in a little bit. DS2 is a bit more competitive, but not much, though he is young in his class and perhaps just immature in this respect.

But there is a boy in DS2's class who sounds much like your son - bright, articulate, picked up reading really quickly - and also very old in the year (ie will be 6 in September), who seems very competitive. He's a lovely boy, who is clearly aware that he is good at lots of things, and this is important to him. Every time I go in to help I hear him saying something like "I can read the big numbers" or "X is the best speller in the class, even better than me" or "I am actually on Level 9 now; what level is X on?".

I don't know if this is hardwired in some children. Maybe it is in your son. I would love DS1 to be more competitive , as many of his friends now are, because I think it would cause him to challenge himself in different ways.

Ds seemed such a placid, passive child before he started school. Sometimes I feel that I really don'tknow what to do with him now - I don't mean that negatively, but in the sense of what can I offer him?

I wonder whether you know my boy, Singersgirl , he will be 6 in September too. Maybe it is hardwired. Apparently my dad was hugely competitive and assertive as a child, though his life must have influenced him enormously, as you wouldn't know it to meet him now. Actually, if my son turns out anything like my dad, then I as a parent will have done a good job!

Mine still is and he's 13.5yrs.

All I did was to ensure that his competitiveness didn't cause bad behaviour. I have and continue to encourage him to help other children and not to become overwhelmed with his anger at himself if he doesn't complete something the way that he likes. His competitiveness got him into a selective school and makes him a really keen sportsman. I feel that the word competitive has a bad name as they are all competitive one way or another.

So in short... make sure he remembers to win and lose with grace. hth

Perhaps I do know him - do you have two younger sons?

That's the trick - learning to lose with grace. Ds just doesn't have that yet! But I imagine 5yo is very early for that sort of thing. Nice to have something good to worry about .

Nope, Singersgirl, I don't. There must be other stars like mine .