Stay or move?

[Aspiemum2]

My family & I will be moving soon. My dd1 was previously at a very badly run school. I won't go into the details but it's safe to say it nearly destroyed our whole family.
2 years ago I moved her from that school to a different one a few miles away.

They have been nothing short of amazing. Without a word of exaggeration, I have been given my daughter back BUT it has taken seriously hard work by all of us especially the very dedicated staff who have been a godsend.

Now we are moving to an area 15 miles from the school. On a practical level it is very rural where we are generally. The road is a main one but come winter driving conditions are very poor. My car 'eats' fuel and the cost is a massive factor (replacing the car is not really an option)

My head is saying I should move her. I have been to see the local school and it seems good. The head is lovely, good friends with the head of dd's current school but ...

My heart can't bear it. I know it sounds dramatic but I'm so traumatised by the 1st school that I'm terrified of things going wrong again. I know she is 'safe' where she is. She has friends where she is and the staff are great.

Family members think I should just move her but for me it's not that easy. She is smiling again and the variety & quality of education provided is superb

I hope the above makes sense to someone. I'm just really asking wwyd?

(If it helps the head at current school has assured me she would be welcomed straight back if necessary so I would have that option if she wasn't settling in after 6 months or so)

Any input would be really welcome

Could you not go to the new one, speak to the Head and fit in a trial day before the end of term? I know it isn't like the real thing but she would get a feel.
Also think what would happen at secondary level. If they feed into different schools it might be best to make the change now.

You seem to have satisfied yourself that the new school is good so just move her, safe in the knowledge that she can transfer back to her current school if it all goes wrong.

Better to give it a go than do two long commutes every day unnecessarily.

Hi exotic, thanks for replying. They feed into the same secondary.
I will speak to the new school about a trial day, thank you

I take it from your nickname that your DD has Aspergers. I completely relate to the concerns you are having and would also suggest you have in depth conversation with the SENCo at the new school as well as organising a trial day. If DDs current school is as supportive and understanding as they seem to be, they should be able to offer a very detailed amount of information to pass on to the new school.

Have you raised the issue of changing with your DD yet? She may well need to be a bit prepared mentally for the idea of visiting another school and the potential benefits for her. She will have to eventually move schools at secondary, so this could be considered a good 'practice' for that day in the future. If your DD is anything like mine, you may have to invent a very hard sell on how exciting and wonderful the idea of changing is (hard to do if you are not feeling totally convinced yourself!)

Good luck...I am sure you will make a great decision.

Why are you moving? If its only 15 miles do you really need to move?

I echo the others' advice but with the extra comment that it might even be worth asking if the potential new school could accommodate an even longer trial period for your dd - 2-3 days instead of one? With her background plus the acquaintance of the two Heads, it might be possible and could contribute to a better informed decision.

I think you have to try and remember that there are more good schools and teachers than there are bad ones, and the reassurance that you could move her back if necessary must be useful.

Good luck with trying to find out more to help you come to a decision.

Feeding into the same secondary is good news.
If you could get more than one day's trial it would be better.

Hi, thank you for all your thoughts/comments.

We have to move, we currently rent and the landlord is selling. We have been struggling to find a property locally and really have to take this one as there's nothing else.

It's not my dd who has asperger's, her older brother does although she has some mimicry style behaviour and the school use some autism strategies in helping her.

She has been through an awful lot, ranging from bullying, fear of her brothers meltdowns, death of a close family member and being present when her father tried to attack me (unfortunately there is more but I don't want to go into all of it)

I'm just explaining a little as I probably sound over protective but there is good reason to be.

I will try and get the extended trial period as I think both schools would be receptive to that.

I think I just need to read it all in black & white as it's such an emotional issue for me. I feel like I'm making a massive drama over something simple ....... Argh!! Sorry, I'm just venting really now so thank you if you're still reading!

It is quite understandable- if the present works well it is a huge step of faith into the unknown. If both schools are sympathetic then I would discuss it with them and work with them. End of the year is a good time for trial visits.

If i could afford it and manage it timewise, I'd probably keep her at the existing school. But that's just me. It does sound a bit like you're saying it's not really viable. I guess it also depends on how long she's got left in primary school. Is she at the start or nearing the end? If it's not viable I think the advice given to have a few visit days is a good one. You might find she likes it.