Son feeling down & exams

[sarahmckenzie01]

Hi all, first post :)

So my son went to a very highly regarded state school that got 100% 5 A*-C gcse's, however whilst being bright himself got in because of our daughter, that school really suited her, but especially in year 10/11 it definitely didn't have the same effect on him. He was bullied a fair bit throughout his time there, particularly in year 10/11 but still managed to come out with pretty good gcse's. He then decided not to stay on for sixth form and attend our local college.

He did really well in his AS Level's and really grew as a person, growing massively in confidence and has alot more direction about him. But he then thought of doing his second year at another college that's quite far away for a new experience, he managed half a term there (and due to a combination of distance and missing his former college) then was luckily allowed to come back to his former college to do his A2's.

He's now feeling quite down that perhaps he should never have left his Secondary School because of it's very high reputation and feels guilty for putting me through the stress of him leaving his school and moving college and then going back. He's done so well in all his exams and is set to a go to a Russell Group uni but he's now feeling depressed and not doing as much revision as he should be (all his exams are in this month!) Really trying to motivate him and I think he sort of feels a bit alone, saying that his situation is really unusual. Don't know what to do, really don't wanna see the hard work he's put in up to now go to waste!

Thank you for taking the time to read this

Tell him that school is really just the beginning - he'll be off to uni soon and later working for 40+ years of his life. DH was sort of "lost" around the same age your son is in (and he wasn't even bullied at school like SiL or me - he was one of the popular, sporty types!!!), which makes me think that certain boys seem to view the world a lot more "glass half empty" rather "glass half full".

Can you treat him with a holiday abroad on his own (course/camp, mini gap year, etc.) this summer? Often, kids in that situation think that their immediate environment is THE WORLD, but once they have "ventured out of their zone", they find it easier to come back home with confidence, because they realize that whatever is going on at home does not represent the whole world, and things CAN get better...

Poor boy, he sounds like he is clinically depressed. I would approach your GP, it sounds like he needs treatment. With support I am sure he will be fine but it is essential to get treatment asap and to make it clear that mental illness is exactly the same as physical, just a different organ.

sarah Oh dear, you sound so worried. My DD is year 12 and changed to another school for sixth form. She has settled in well and is happy there, on the whole. However, I have noticed, particularly during stressful times, that she does consider how things might have been had she remained at her old school or gone to a sixth form college.

Also, this is a time of enormous change for them - they are leaving school, most of their friends are going their separate ways, and it's time to be an adult and take responsibility and it is very hard, particularly as all this happens at once.

He might feel overwhelmed with everything - with DD I try and get her to see that working for exams is only a few weeks out of her life. To the kids, it feels like forever, and once I pointed that out she perked up a bit.

If you think he is clinically depressed then your gp can help. I agree with the previous poster that the quicker you act the better as a lot of tablets can take a couple of weeks to kick in.

Good luck, hope that helps a little.

Thank you all so much for your responses :)
Well he had 2 exams yesterday and he said that went pretty well which is positive :) The thing is he's been pretty positive up until now and he does work hard and I really don't want to see that go to waste.

As for taking him to the Doctor's, quite honestly I'm not sure psychologically that would be right for him, because then he might start thinking his situation is much worse than it actually is and go on a further downward-spiral. I don't know maybe I'm just being naive.

I think he just sort of thinks his situation is really messy and I've just tried to be supportive and explain that the school environment isn't for everyone. I don't really want to smother him though because he is 18 and I'm not sure that would be good for him.

Once again thank you so much....just need to get him through these exams!

Thank you, I know what your saying about them thinking it lasts forever...definitely think he feels like that!

DS finished his final AS exam today & has always enjoyed studying. DD has always struggled & it never mattered how clever, beautiful, talented, I would tell her she is, it never sunk in. She's struggled with depression for most of her teenage years & tried various forms of therapy & counselling. Our GP won't prescribe antidepressants to anyone under 18 & speaking as someone who was addicted to them for over three years, I'm glad. There's too much evidence to say they're not the best option for young people. There are other choices & step one is to see the GP. I would also suggest talking your DS tutor at college. I know he's on the verge of leaving, but they may be able to offer some support while he's still there.

If its any help, DD is now 20 (in a few days) & couldn't be happier. I've seen her in the pits of despair & to see her so content now is such a blessed relief. Keep the faith, things can improve.