Well, this has opened my eyes a bit and now think I was living in a naive dream world (as I suspected).
Obviously they don't just think 'what a nice lively boy, we'll have him'.
From the standards expected (grade 6 for 8yr olds??) I'm amazed any child gets one at all, which goes to show how out of sync I am!
Unless that was grade 6 for 11yr olds? Thats not so bad.
My ds is 8 and not even properly started on an instrument yet as we can't find a teacher, and also not done any real sports. Choral scholarship was best chance as he has exceptional ear for music - perfect pitch & memory etc - but lost out through not being focussed - too fidgetty.
I'm now really surprised all my other kids got scholarships and bursaries - they weren't that good at the time (although they got better, ending up top in some subjects and one to Ox Uni so far).
Think the choice is to metamorphose into different kind of mum (not so laid back) or find new approach. The difficulty is having been 'pushed' in childhood, I'm now allergic to 'pushiness' with my own and think happiness is more important and effective in the long run.
LIZS - you are right bout the timing, and now we're into starting a year later I should think.
If we can get private tutoring and some extra curricular in the meantime, we might try again next year. Then if he can't cut it, he can't and thats that - its only that fear that he will yearn for the career he was 'made for' when its too late and the doors are closed e.g. music.
Thank you everyone for all these comments, they're extremely helpful.