Advice needed on classroom arguments

[PrincessLayer]

DS is 10. There is a boy in his class who he has never got on with, and over the last few years the boy has gone out of his way to wind my DS up.

MY DS was kept behind at school last week as he pushed this boy. The boy was saying horrible things about our family. Including that he hopes my baby dies.

It's not just my son, he has been horrible to some other kids, and has been incredibly cruel to one girl who has recently lost her mother, but he does seem to target my DS most.

I've asked for my son to be moved to a different class but they won't do that. What can I do? My boy comes home in tears several times a week because of what has been said.

I have had this with my boys, someone winding them up to the point of violence. I have come to the conclusion that sometimes violence is the lesser crime by far.

No advice, but am interested in replies.

Shameless bump. I have a meeting with a teacher tomorrow and have no idea what to say.

Can you check out your school bullying policy in advance and use that to achieve an outcome which is agreeable to you?

School bullying policy is basically non existent. There was a vile bully at the school a couple of years ago who was never suspended/excluded despite verbal and physical assaults on other children, and teachers.

They have systems which never seem to be implemented.

They have a bit for "serious verbal abuse". Would "I hope your baby/family dies" come into this category? And how do I make them take notice?

If you don't get a satisfactory respsonse from the teacher, go to the head, and copy in to the governors in a letter. They have to deal with all correspondence at governors meetings - and will ask what is being done to deal with the issue.

It sounds like the boy has problems of his own which are making him lash out - he needs help to deal with those.

For your DS - try and explain that - say it shows the boy has big problems and it is more an issue with him than with DS. The best DS can do is try to ignore, and not enter into an arguement.

TBH I don't think the boy does have problems, not like some there anyway. He just has it in for my DS. His brother was in my DD's year, and he was lovely.

I've got a few quotes from the school behavior policy which I intend to reel off, and several strategies which I want the school to agree to which will help keep my DS out of this other boys way.

Again, not sure how much use the governors are. Several of the parent governors tried to get the previously mentioned bully excluded as their children were targeted, but the Head was unwilling to take the appropriate action.

I think anyone who bullies has underlying emotional problems.

The governors are responsible for seeing that policies are adhered to. They should have an eye to unresolved complaints from parents as I am pretty sure that is one of the issues Ofsted are hot about. If the Head refuses to address things you can resort to Ofsted. I am not saying this is a good way of going about things, but you shouldn't be fobbed off with no action at all.

You could bandy about the term safeguarding and emotional welfare of the children concerned.

Alternatively you could tell your DS to not rise to him, given he only has a few months left at the school (assuming Yr 6 primary). But that won't help the boy to stop bullying and I guess it may follow through to secondary if they go to the same school.

They are year 5. DS has just has a birthday, so another year and a half to go.

I've made a note of the phrases. Thanks.
I supposed Ofsted will be round again soon, so I'll be sure to fill in their form quite comprehensively.

Some kids can't help but rise to it. That's the joy of the game for the taunter, sure result.

especially at that age too ! I was constantly wound up by my brother, and my DCs (similat age) get totally wound up by their brothers every time too.

But not much else you can do as a parent at home apart from to try and reinforce that message. And pressure the school as much as possible to deal with it in school.

And if that doesn't work then moving schools ends up being the main solution.

None of which really address the issue of the bully.

Well, it wasn't too bad as far as meetings go. There were 2 teachers there who will speak to the other boy about the things he's said, and DS and the boy have been told to stay well away from each other. The 2nd teacher is the one who deals with all the problem children, and seems more pro-active than the one who was doing the job a few weeks ago, so hopefully we'll see some results.

I'm back in on Thursday for the normal parents evening so I can see if things have improved then.