Pre-prep assessments driving me crazy

[Arghhelp]

Hello everyone, help help help, my little DS is due for assessments at a few pretty competitive pre-preps early next year. The nursery he is at is very nurturing and seem to think he is very bright but is somewhere on the autistic spectrum (not sure as no formal diagnosis has been made. We have got a referral and are waiting for the appointment) and I just dont know what to do.

There is one specific school am sure will be perfect for him if he gets in but the general feel is that of 35 places priority is given to alumni and siblings first...the assessment is 10-15 mins apparently.

Firstly, can anyone help me on how I should prepare?

Secondly, what do people think? Should I speak to the schools and try and postpone his assessment by a few months till he is ready? Do schools do that at all?

I live in NW London by the way and the schools are all based there...

I hope someone will respond, I am so stressed and upset..

I do not know anything at all about pre prep assessments but I imagine they are not stressful for the child and probably just involve being observed and a few other 'tests' disguised as games/playing in order to ascertain what level a child is working at.

I doubt there is much you could do to 'prepare' your child other than making sure he is well rested, happy and relaxed on the day. You say your ds is bright-that is a good sign so fingers crossed he will do well.

It may be worth mentioning to the school about the appointment you are waiting for regarding asd as it may make a difference to their approach with the assessment.

I wish you lots of good luck and will keep my fingers crossed that your ds gets a place.

There is a thread on Primary Education about the prep for these assessments.

If he is only in nursery why put him through it? It shouldn't be stressful for a tiny child- just let him be himself and if he doesn't fit it probably isn't the school for him.

there's no way I'd put a child who's possibly on the autistic spectrum through the stress of competitive pre-prep entry and I'd doubt very much that those schools would be the right environment for a child like your ds

just because everyone else you know is doing it doesn't mean it's the right thing for him - if he is on the spectrum (and even if he doesn't get a formal diagnosis he probably has traits) he will need a school with experience of dealing with bright children with special needs and you're going to need to accept that your family may well end up doing things differently

Most competitive preps (and most senior schools) will manage out children who are going to need extra support, whether academic or social - they have enough children wanting to go who have no extra needs so there's really no incentive for them

ds2 has dyspraxia/asperger's and he would have been utterly miserable at any of the private schools anywhere near us - he's very bright but hates a competitive atmosphere. When he was in Year 5 we started prepping him for entrance exams but realised he didn't cope well when he felt under pressure so stopped. He's now in the top stream of the local comprehensive and doing very well

PM me. Some pre-preps are better than others with mild SEN.

Inclined to agree with Basildon Bond. Chances are your child may not get in or end up utterly miserable in an environment that doesn't meet their needs.

Thanks everyone....I guess am hoping the assessment will come back negative. Maybe I am being naive...It is just that I had to have IVF after 10 years and somehow, it is a hard thing to hear when you have a child whom you love more than life itself and want the best for...i didnt really think it was going to be a stressful experience for my DS. Just me because (and I know am going to get a lot of flak for this) when you have a child you have such hopes and dreams and aspirations for them and then you dont know whether you are holding them back by not trying or whether you are doing the right thing in trying anyway. I do agree with Basildon Bond ad GW297 that these schools may not even bother taking him...sniff...just want the best for him that's all...

Thanks a lot ariane5. You are being so kind and understanding.

OP please don't worry about this. If a school decides not to give a place to your son then its their loss. If you're the sort of mum who is going to be supportive, your son will do well whichever school he attends.

If you want my opinion it is this, get your son's ASC assessment out of the way first and look at options after this. You'd feel awful if your son gained a place at a school, was assessed & then you realised it was totally wrong for him.

My DC have dyslexia. My daughter's struggled with this whereas my son sees it as a blessing. I know plenty of children (now adults) on the autistic spectrum & they've all succeeded (great grades/socially fitting in etc at less pushy schools, both state & private. What you need to do right now is find the best learning environment for your child whatever that may be. Good luck!

I would wait and see what hopes, dreams and aspirations your DS has and then support him to the best of your ability- they may be very different from your hopes, dreams and aspirations and no school can be best for everyone. If he is just himself and they don't pick him then it wasn't the best for him. I agree with Mutteroo.

Mutteroo and exoticfruits, thanks so much. I am not the kind of mum who wants to sweep anything under the carpet and I do want to be supportive of him and help him settle well to whichever school he gets. We just got the news so we are a little upset but yes we will wait for the assessment before deciding anything I think. He is such a wonderful little boy. He is so interesting and everyone who meets him loves him it is just this social adjusting and not responding to questions at the moment which the nursery thinks are warning signs. It doesnt matter to us what he is diagnosed with, we will help him with whatever is best for him. Thank you so much....this is my first time posting and I didnt expect to feel so supported. Thank you.

It is difficult not to stress when he is your first but he is little more than a baby- far too young to be doing competitive assessments IMO. I would find somewhere more nurturing.

THe two need not be mutually exclusive, all my children go/have gone to schools with competitive assessments at pre-prep. It is perfectly possible for these to be excellent nuturing schools. in addition some children with autistic spectrum diagnoses thrive at them, as option an academic school can suit a quirky child very well indeed.

It could well do Loshad, but at 4 years old much better to just go along to the assessment and either they think he fits or he doesn't- you don't want to start tutoring to what you think they want at such a young age- there are years ahead when you will have time for him to develop and find out what suits him.

Yes I dont think I would tutor him. I will just teach him what I can along with my DH and just send him in. The school I think will really suit him has only a 15 min assessment anyway so it cant be that stressful...also, another one i applied to just want to get a general feel for what the child is like i think so am guessing it wont be that pressurised for him...i will probably be doing all the nail biting involved...i have done as much research as possible on what is asked and it seems it is just mainly colouring and doing jigsaws and things...if anyone has any more info i would really really appreciate it...but this is what i have been told...so more like a play date kind of thing?

Thanks for your comment Loshad. This is EXACTLY what my DH and I were thinking...he is pretty quick at assimilating info and enjoys it but is also a little quirky so that is why we are going down this route...let's see if he gets in i guess..thanks.

I have 2 DC with ASD. Have you thought of applying for a Statement of special educational needs? You can apply for a statement for a child while they are at nursery in preparation for school, and you don't need to wait for a diagnosis.

A Statement is a legally binding document which names a school and sets out what additional help they need (eg class room assistance, occupational therapy etc). Usually the school is a state school, but it can be a private school if no state placement can meet their needs.

You can find out more about the legal framework for kids with SEN here

I have a DS who sounds like he was quite similar to yours at the same age.

Tbh, I would go down the 'try it and see' route. Certainly don't get involved in any 'academic / content' tutoring AT ALL, but focus on really modelling and working on and talking about social skills and norms. DS has many ASD traits, but he is suffciently mildly 'on the spectrum' that he can employ the models and strategies and explicit teaching that we have given him over the years to 'pass as NT' in many situations.

So while another child might find e.g. doing a task with another child, or talking to an unknown adult, or initiating conversation, or looking at someone while you are talking to them, or answering a direct question, or showing appropriate emotion when something goes wrong, or walkiung into a busy room something that they can do 'naturally', with my DS that is 'explicitly learned behaviour'.

So rather than thinking about the 'content' of assessments, I would focus oin the 'surrounding skills' that other parents might not give a thought to e.g. entering an unknown building, separating from you, doing an activity with an unknown child, replying to a question from an adult, taking turns in a game etc etc.

However, all of the above depends on 'where on the spectrum' your DS turns out to be. As I say DS is only mildly 'on the spectrum'. Should it turn out that your DS's needs are more significant, then I would agree with others that you need to investigate SEN provision at your chosen schools in great detail before embarking oin this. Having a 'different' child will cause you to make different choices from those that others will make - DS's second primary school was not the 'outstanding' one everyone fights to get into, but the 'good' one which showed real empathy and child-centred warmth - because the right choice for you will be based on different criteriia from the right choice for others.

Enjoy the child you have, don't try to force them to be the child you 'thought you might have'!

(btw I know that I have probably committed any number of ASD nomenclature blunders in my post .... and that it is such a wide spectrum that what I describe for my DS may be absolutely impossible for other children. Thinking aloud, really.)

There is absolutely no educationally sound way of assessing a child's ability before the age of 6. So these per prep assessments mean absolutely nothing in terms of your child's longer term potential. DD1 failed to get into a pre prep at at 4 , but ended up getting into much more academic schools at 11, and is now at an elite uni studying Science and on for a first. By all means try if you think it is the right school for your son but don't take it as anything more than a lottery masquerading as selection!

Dear teacherwith2kids...gosh your son sounds exactly like mine. :) Thanks a lot. What you have said is what my DH and I are focusing on as well and that is exactly what we have been teaching him. Having a lot of play dates and taking him into different activity classes etc just so he gets used to being around people and doing things with other kids he hasnt met before etc...thanks a lot we took him out of what was considered "a very good nursery" and put him into one that was much more nurturing at which he is doing really well... :)

Creamteas..thank you so much...didnt even know about that..will check it out...

Just to clear things up a little...I am not too worried about the academics because I think he is already up to scratch on that..I guess what am worried about is the social fitting in part because that is what he is behind in... but I guess with some extra help at home as teacherwith2kids suggested, he may get there in the end...we are already seeing some improvement actually...

The nursery have suggested getting a private practioner in for a visit to observe him and tell us whether in her opinion it is a development delay or whether he will need occupational therapy etc...so just going to wait for that at least..NHS is taking forever and we still havent heard anything after almost 2 months...sigh..