Shall I tell my childs teacher?

[charlize]

I have a bit of a dilema. My ds as some of you know is about to sit his entrance exam to a local private school.
He is expected to do v well and has a chance of winning one of 3 scholarships up for grabs. He already attends the prep that is attached to this school and his teacher this yr has been excellent. She has been really supportive of ds and given him extra tests to do at home. I get the impression she really would like him to win one of the scholarships.
But... Ds is also sitting the entrance exam for another private school and this will mean he will be out of class that day so his teacher will know.
He also has the interview to this school next week. What shall I say to his teacher?
I feel a bit like Iam betraying the school. Will it seem as if after all their work with ds Iam taking away one of therte best pupils to a rival school.
We are only sitting this other exam in case her gets a scholarship to that one (which I doubt)
And severalpupils in his class are sitting it.
Shall I send a note in explaining everything or shall i send a note in after he has been for interwiw explaining why he has been absent.

I think that the school would probably expect him to be sitting for more than one school at 11 as parents have to cover all options in case for some reason their child doesn't get into thier first choice school - you never know what might happen on the exam day, - under the weather, etc.

I can remember DS being totally shell shocked when he came out of the first part of a 2 part entrance exam, even though it was only verbal reasoning and he got through ( 500 children go through from 1500)

Most children sit 2 or 3 entrance exams to different schools, so I wouldn't worry too much about what they think. Just explain that your DS will sitting the exam along with others from his class as you have to keep your options open or as an insurance option. Good luck to DS and you

Agree, it's unusual for kids only to take one entrance exam at 11+. I'm sure the teacher will assume that your first choice would be for DS to stay in his current school.

Thanks ladies. Do you think a little note will suffice? Iam not sure she will think we are doing it to keep our options open as there is no question of ds failing the exam to get into his present school. Virtually everyone in his yr wiilpass Its only outsiders who have much competition.
200 will sit the exam and only 3 of these will be given open scholarships, Ds is in the running for this.
Allibubbles did your ds have to have an interview?
How long after the exam was it till you found out the results?

Charlize, DS's was for state school entry, 1500 take the verbal reasoning then 500 are selected to do a paper in Maths and English. To get through the verbal reasoning you have to get a minimum of 125, (IQ score) but most children are in the 130-140 bracket. Then there were only 90 places available, no interview, purely on merit.

DD also took 3 entrance exams at 11, all had two- part exams and then a day spent in the school in a classroom situation (of all the candidates who had achieved success in the papers) with an interview during the day. Some then get offered places and some are placed on a reserve list.

The state school one we heard on Jan 31st, which was early, the independents around the first week of Feb.

Surely you can just say you are doing it in case he gets a scholarship there but not at the current school? If that had any political effect at all, it could only make it marginally more likely they'd give him a scholarship if they want to keep him, though I imagine it would simply be accepted by the teacher and go no further.

That's a good point, some schools have funds for burasries (that they keep very quiet about) so that they can encourage parents of a very able pupil to keep him/her there.

I'd just write a note to the teacher, honestly you won't be the first parent to do this.

I know you are all right. I suppose Iam being a bit silly. I just didn't want to offend the teacher as she has been so brilliant. But she is probably used to this.
Thats v interesting marialuisa about the bursuries. Apparently a girl at ds class was leaving last yr as her parents decided to put her in the local state school. I heard they were called up to the heads office and told not to take her out as she would get the scholarship the following yr.
This seemed a bit iffy to me as the scholarship is a competition and who can tell what will happen on the day.
God, allibubbles I can't believe they had to get 125 to get through the VB. I know that 130 plus is an extemely high score. Unfortunatly Iam now not so sure of our chances as I know in ds last report before xmas he scored 126 in VB. His teacher capable of higher than this, but I suppose on the day he could get lower
His best subject is maths and he is heading for 100% in this unless he makes a silly mistake.
English we are looking at high seventies but Iam told the highest mark in english is usually around 80 so high seventies isn't bad.
I just can't wait till its all over iam seriously stressed out over all this but desperatly trying to keep ds calm. (He is v laid back anyway thank god)

Now Iam feeling rubbish
I just spoke to ds teacher and told her about him sitting the exam for other school.
She said she recievied a letter from other school today and was v surprised to read ds was sitting this exam.
I said we wanted him to do both and then see what his results were and that we would probably still send him to present school, to which she replied I do hope so and told me she was delighted with his work.
I just felt a bit bad I can't put my finger on why, I feel like Iam letting his teacher down.
She told me they usually lose a few pupils to this rival school but seemed a bit sad about it.
The silly thing is he probably will stay in present school.
I think I started talking rubbish and saying oh we heard his friend was doing it so thought we would try.. Ahhhrrr!!
Can someone please say something to make me feel a bit less crap.Should I have told her all this before she recived the letter?? But I know some parents haven't said anything to her yet.

You are doing the right thing by keeping your options open Charlize. Don't worry about it. The teacher must realise that children do more than one exam and that it is sensible to do so. She is probably just feeling a bit sad about the situation herslef of losing such a good pupil (he does sound it) - again understandably as she sounds likes she does care about her pupils.

You have done nothing wrong and have nothing to feel bad about at all

Charlize, I know nothing of these particular things in real life, but real life it is, and teachers MUST know that parents have to cover all options. The good thing is that she now knows that you were respectful enough to be upfront with her, whether before or after the letter. If you're worried about her feeling slighted, just make sure that you find opportunities to drop into conversation how good she is, and how the school would always be your top fave. Bet there are plenty of go-getting grabby parents who WOULDN'T be feeling as you are now, and I bet the fact that you are not like that shines out bright and clear to the teacher!

Charlize, I am sure the teacher knows that your child's welfare is your first priority. As long as she knows how grateul you are she won't be upset. Try not to worry about it.

IMO it's none of her business, quite frankly! You don't have to justify yourself to her, although I'm sure she's very nice and all that - it's your decision. So I'd just leave it and only discuss the matter with her once you know the outcome and have decided what you're going to do. That's what I'd do anyway.

I don't think you should feel guilty. I'm surprised that the other school have contacted her without your express permission, after all it does put you in a rather awkward situation. Having said that I think most kids will enter more than one exam in this situation and sad though she may be it is a reality that some will move elsewhere.

Charlize, I think you should be pleased that your DS has such a caring teacher. From what you've written it sounds as if she's well aware of parents' motivations etc. at 11+ time, but of course she would prefer it if your lovely, brigtb son stayed on at her school. I understand that it's a bit uncomfortable though. BTW, although I know schools often write to previous schools for references, i'm surprised you didn't know when this would happen so you could have timed your explanation better.

Don't worry!!!

Thanks so much ladies, What a quick response
I do feel much better after reading your replies, I hope you are right about the teacher knowing Iam grateful. I did thank her during our conversation for sending ds home with extra tests to practice.
I knew that the other school would contact her as they ask for a report on ds apparently.
Also she would know what day this schools exam is on and its a bit of a giveawy if you are absent that day. Although can you believe one mum I spoke to is going to say her ds is going to the dentist!
I did think it was best to be upfront though and speak to her direct rather than just send a note in.
Thanks again everyone, I really did need someone to tell me i'd done the right thing as I knew I would stew on it all night worrying.
You don't think this will effect his getting the scholarship do you? My sensible head tells me they may be more inclined to offer him one to keep him but then what if they think I wouldn't want one as he is going to other school.
Oh I suppose I'll have to wait and see. I did say he probably will go to present school.

I've posted on the other thread, bit I will post it here as well. Don't worry. You have to do what is best for your child. I teach a class of very able children at GCSE. I know that the best of the bunch is probably not going to do science at A level because she is good at everything and her real interests lie elsewhere. I'm gutted not to be able to teach her at A lever, because she would make an amazing scientist. But I know that she has to make up her own mind and do what is best for her. So I understand how the teacher feels

I agree totally with WWW, it is none of the teachers' business., and it is unfair of her to give you the guilt trip. Yes, the head could make some comment or try to persuade you otherwise, but not the teacher. I am sure the teacher would be disappointed to lose him, but she must have come across it before,

My DD's teachers were very supportive of all the applications we made, she had to write personal statements for them all. We accepted one school and told her and she commented that she has only sent off the report to one of the others the day before. She said - Hey, so what, I said lots of nice things about DD and she smiled!

I know of very few children who only sat one exam at 11.
The families I work for are all independent school teachers, the school was closed today whilst the entrabce exam took place, 250 children for 50 places, so 200 children have to find places elsewhere.

We also do a consortium exam here, the exam is for 4-5 schools, Habs, North London Collegiate etc, and the results are given to all the schools, not sure how they choose who though.

Places come up for several weeks as results come out and parents turn ddown places, some people even get offered places as late as June, as some people hold onto all of their places until they make up their minds.

I know of several who have paid the terms fees, as requested, to confirm the place and then taken a place elsewhere, when the preferred place has come up, and lost a terms fees, day fees £3500!

Rest easy, don't get stressed about it, it happens everywhere.

I think other private schools always contact the current private school if you are seeking a place at another. (Usually to ensure that you are not leaving because you haven't paid the fees!)