Is it too early to change schools?

[Glutton4Punishment]

Hi,
This feels really weird as I'm a bloke and genuinely, Mum's net is probably the last place I'd be found. However, I was widowed this year and really need some objective advice about whats best for my daughter, sadly the Top Gear forums arent likely to solve my issues!
So, I have an 8 year old daughter, she's coped well with the death of her mother and is a real trojan, she and I have grown very close as we have dealt with this years issues. She is currently in a good state school but our intention was always that she should go private at Senior School. Having thought about the likely issues we will face of tutors etc to get her up to speed for entrance exams, I decided to go and see the Junior School attached to the Public School I have in mind. I think that academically and practically, moving schools soon would be the right thing to do, my question is, do you think that given what she has been through I am risking her emotional wellbeing?
Id value opinions as without my wife to tell me what to do, I'm at a bit of a loss. Asking the family is just setting myself up for a fall!

Thanks in advance!

probably going out on a limb here but maybe you could chat things over with your daughter, see how she feels?

So sorry for your loss, my thoughts would be to ask your dd what her feelings are and take it from there, I think at 8 if she is not keen just now the move may come easier in a year or two, possibly entering at the beginning y5 or 6 giving enough time to make friends and experience the learning she needs for entrance.

Glutton, does your daughter want to move? I can see all the positive reasons you've given for her moving but if your DD's still a bit raw after her mother's death and using her school friends as a prop, it would be hugely unsettling for her to move her away from them now. She may also struggle to make new friends if she's feeling introverted.

Big hugs for you and your DD though, she has an empathetic and loving dad who wants the best for her.

Sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your dd (daughter)

I would talk to her. I've a (just) 9yo and if I was considering moving her then I think she'd cope better with talking about it first. Whatever she says, take her with you to look at the school. She may like to see the prospectus and talk through it with her again.

Then talk to her again after looking at the school.

If she's "no way, please no..." all the way then I don't think I would push it for now, I'm assuming she's year 4. Giving her a year will not make a difference I would have thought.

It may be as well to book an appointment to talk with the head before you take her, so you can talk about all issues without her listening. It also means if she arrives with a stroppy look on her face the head will know it's not just your dd is stroppy .

I hope all goes well with you.

Ok, several things:

What sort of a child is she now? Would she benefit from getting in early with the peer group she will be with from age 11? Will she be unhappy to leave her current school and friends? If academically it would be a better decision from what you can see, that's a bit of a no-brainer for me. I think that what's more important for her, especially at the moment, is that she is happy and settled and doesn't feel "upheaved" so to speak. Also, have a really good look at the 6th formers (go to the open evenings) in the school you want to send her to- you can't overestimate the effect that being in the same school from age 8 to 18 will have on her- she will be even more imbued with the school's culture if she goes there from a young age. If you don't like the look of the 6th formers, consider whether this really is the school you want for her.

Secondly there's you to consider. Presumably you are working, so which school offers the best option for you in terms of practicalities- not having to hoik her round from pillar to post for extra-curriculars for instance. Does this school offer a lot in terms of practical assistance? Would she be able to do ad hoc boarding for example if needed? Do they do supervised prep for day pupils?

I am sure that as time goes by, you will feel more and more able to make decisions. You are still grieving, give yourself time to heal.

Sorry for you and your daughter's loss, Glutton.

My first thought was 'how is she with her current schoolfriends?'

If her friendship network is as strong as the one my ddtwins built up at their very good state primary, it would be a big thing to break it up before you have to.

If the school you are considering is any good, they will give honest advice about when she should start.

And welcome to MN, we aren't really a Nest of Vipers, honest

Thanks both. I have spoken to her broadly about it, we have also considered moving house and she has been fully involved in that so she isnt resistant to change. I'm worried about going into specifics unless I'm sure she can handle it.
Also, given her age, her emotions are shown in ways that I cant always understand. Its a minefield but I just think that all I can do for her is give plenty of time and love & a great education.

Sorry, replied to the first two and then 6 more appeared in no time. Shes a really outgoing girl, bubbly, lively and makes friends easily. She has some close friends at her current school but I think that at least two of them will end up at the same school long term.
RE 6th Formers, for Gods sake, you'll get me locked up!! but seriously, thats a great tip.
The point about what works for me is a great one. I have a very demanding job which takes me away a good deal though I have kept travel down of late. I cant complain as its very highly paid and means we can do pretty much anything we want but it is limiting in terms of what I can and cant do at home. This is the reason for looking at a new house, ideally I would buy a 5 bed house with space for an Au Pair to give me some breathing space. Then again, having nursed my wife through cancer, held down my job and done all the domestics all year, nothing seems particularly difficult anymore.

Thanks fir the views, you are making me think in exactly the right ways and reinforced that Im not making too bad a decision.

No problem Glutton, maybe see you around the boards when you can pull yourself away from Top Gear!

Best wishes to both of you.

I'd just caution you to be careful about the pastoral side, do make sure that it is genuinely good, but also don't be put off by a more "academic" school which can be just as caring. My sister in law was sent to a convent school in the mistaken belief it would be more caring, personally I think she would have been happier and coped better at the Academic girls day school.

Also for schools near me I might favour the academic girls day school over a local public school (but then the latter was once described to me as horrible by the head of my kids state Primary, and from some things I've heard since I tend to agree).

If possible I would also try to give your DD someone else she can talk to, an Au Pair or a teenage babysitter, can both do. So they can let you know if she is hiding any worries about changing schools or any other things. Children can sometimes cover things up so as to not cause their parents worries.

I have known lots of great single parent fathers, and I'm sure you will be one.