This meeting I went to today...............

[Katymac]

Not much use then

What happened?

Go on, Katymac....

We discussed long term plans
How they were going to tackle bullying in the future
How they would deal with racial incidents in future

We could not discuss the bullying as I have made a formal complaint

I was continually asked how I expected things to be resolved
How I would like things to be sorted
What action I would like

However i POINTED OUT THAT i WAS IN FAR TO DELICATE A MENTAL STATE (sorry) to make reasoned and rational decisions

think you should put in writing what happened in the meeting ... how you felt / what you learned from meeting .. what you feel was missing and send it to them, keeping a copy

you do not want them turning round and inventing some weird kind of consultation meeting happening which didn't

So they wanted you to talk about the bullying, but they would not . I think you were absolutely right not to give them anything.

When will they talk about your complaint?

Why not wait a couple of days and then write down what actions you would like the school to take, and how you will liaise with the teachers (eg a weekly 10 minute review neeting) to make sure things are resolved? Then ask for another meeting to discuss.

Don't give up and don't be discouraged by today, it's just one meeting that didn't go as well as it might have.

xxx

agree with twig - document everything from now on

The "shunning" at school has started
The quiet when I walk into a room
The conversations which stop or suddenly change (so much so that the other person loks stunned)

I don't think we can stay

I'm not sure moving is a good idea

I can't decide what to wear in the morning or when to eat - I think my thought processes are warped

And apparently this is some sort of Muchouzens(sp) by proy to get me attention

could you ask a frined, another parent or someone else to attend the next meeting with you and speak on your behalf? they might be more likely to deal with it in front of someone else. Good luck.

time to pull her out i think, for your sake as well as her`s.

Are you being sarcastic about feeling in a delicate mental state/thought processes feeling warped? (Sorry, don't know your history.) If not sounds like a visit to the GP might be a good idea, regardless of what you decide to do about the school.

After a very long time with my parents & DH this evening we have decided:-

We think that for DD's sake (due to her relationship with her best friend) it would be best for her to stay at this school.

We expect that the school will deal with the problem.

We expect to be kept up to date with what is happening and to have several meeting each week to discuss what is happening.
We want our child protected at school and the two girls kept reasonably separate whilst at school (accepting that they are in the same class, however they should not be expected to work in small groups together or sit together at lunch)
We will consider withdrawing our formal complaint - if we feel that the school is taking it very seriously.
We expect an apology or at least acknowledgement that I have been asking for help for my daughter for a long time.

Is anything that I want unreasonable?

Oh my goodness katymac! I am so sorry that you are having such an awful time. Bullying is a very complex issue that even the best schools find difficult to tackle. You have not failed your child. The school has not done everything they can to sort this out.

I hate to think of any mother in this state. Sounds as if everyone is offering the same advice and I would have to agree that a change is in order.

Who has suggested Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy? This is a serious allegation and seems out of order.

I feel slightly silly for suggesting a book when you are clearly not in the mood for reading about this distressing topic but when you are feeling stronger, you may want to look at \link{http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006001430X/002-2024485-2554425?v=glance&n=283155\this). I have listened to Barbara Coloroso (the author) speak on this and other parenting issues and she has very sensible solutions to difficult issues. Sorry if this is really unhelpful...

\link{http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006001430X/002-2024485-2554425?v=glance&n=283155\try this}

Sorry! X-ed posts...

You know your daughter and understand the situation far better than any of us do. Your requests do not sound unreasonable but I am not sure that the school will be willing to go along with them now having ignored your past requests...

Thank Cadmum....I'm not sure if they can either

Scrummymummy - I wasn't being sarcastic
Over the last 9m to a year I have been complaining that my daughter has been being bullied

On monday - they said she has

I cannot cope - I am seeing my GP

Katy, I've lurked on your threads up to now. What a horrendous situation for you and dd :(.
Of course you know all the ins and outs best, and sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, but I can't help feeling (speaking as someone who was badly bullied herself and not moved) that a move might be the best thing after all, particularly as the relationship with the school has got so bad. Would there be a way of continuing the friendship with the best friend outside of school?

Sounds like you have had good talk with parents and husband tonight.

Your decisions are perfectly reasonable in my view

Moving her just changes her problems
She needs people she knows and trusts

Katy, without knowing all the details, but from what I've read... move her! It's what she wants isn't it?

On Monday morning go and find another school for her to go to after the Easter hols. The current school can't help you in any concrete way THEREFORE you cannot help your DD.

You can invite BF over to play until this friendships fades naturally, and if it doesn't all well and good. Some kids could perhaps cope with the situation, your dd can't. Get her into another school and then work on building her self-esteem so that if this situation should ever arise again she will be better equipped to handle it.

If it turns out that she has any kind of "SYNDROME" then you can cross that bridge when you come to it!!!

I'm feeling much brighter today

My Dad spent ages with D this morning and has clarified a lot of the actual "bullying stuff" - which actually shows the bully is the one who needs help.

DD is adamant that she does not want to move

We are sticking with that list we came up with last night

We think that for DD's sake (due to her relationship with her best friend) it would be best for her to stay at this school.
We expect that the school will deal with the problem.
We expect to be kept up to date with what is happening and to have several meeting each week to discuss what is happening.
We want our child protected at school and the two girls kept reasonably separate whilst at school (accepting that they are in the same class, however they should not be expected to work in small groups together or sit together at lunch)
We will consider withdrawing our formal complaint - if we feel that the school is taking it very seriously. not this one - we are not withdrawing it atm
We expect an apology or at least acknowledgement that I have been asking for help for my daughter for a long time.

However if the responce from the school is cr*p we will move her in September to the middle school

Glad to hear you're all feeling happier today. Sending lots of support emoticons!

Thanks