Sex Education for 8 (nearly 9) yr old girl

[speaker]

My dd has over the last couple of months mentioned sex a couple of times - I know she has also tried to google it. Fortunately, we have child restrictions online. I'm not sure how much she knows though from her peers. I'm pretty sure her friends at school have been talking about it in some way and yesterday she even asked me "how many men have I slept with?'. I was quite shocked by the question, this was very out of character and whilst she won't say so I'm sure it has come from one of her friends.

Obviously this is going to happen at this age (although I'd hoped it wouldn't be quite just yet) however some friends have older siblings and maybe parents who have already had the birds and bees discussion with their child.

I feel I need to chat to dd about what sex etc is but wonder how much to tell her at this stage and if anyone can recommend any books that may help her understand, etc.

Thanks.

I think I have been a bit silly about this. The poster taking about confusing innocence and ignorance is spot on.

If I was talking about someone else's child I think I would be advising a good straight forward approach. With my own its more difficult.

It was all seen as a bit 'dirty' within my family when I was a child. We had good sex ed in school, in what would now be years 5 and 6. I thought, however, it sounded terrible and would hurt (which did lead to problems in my early sex life). Even though my year 6 teacher was especially good at talking about the emotional side of it.

And here I am, like an idiot, perpetuating that in my own daughter, unintentionally. Sorry OP for hijacking the thread, but thanks for genuinely making me think about all this.

Just answer any questions in a honest but age appropriate way. I used to be really worried about this issue with 10yo DS but it actually turned out to be quite easy to just be matter of fact and not embarrassed.

www.amazon.co.uk/Hair-There-Everywhere-Jacqui-Bailey/dp/0749696265
link to book

another thought.
There is a difference too between sex ed (where babies come from) and puberty ed (how my body is going to change) need to do both.

Thanks everyone.

I honestly think that if your dc have not asked any questions by the age of 8 or 9, then they are having their questions answered elsewhere. Or they have picked up a message (possibly mistakenly) that questions on this topic would not be welcomed.

I think you need to give them the message that they can talk to you about it, by talking to them first. Obviously tailor what and how much you tell them to their response - no point in bashing on if they are squirming with embarrassment - but I think you have to show them that the door is open.

I'm another mum with a 9 year old Dd - we have always answered her questions factually and without embarrassment - but she hasn't really asked many questions! She knows about how babies get out of the uterus but (and I find this very odd) has just never asked about how the egg is fertilised etc.

Obviously we need to talk to/with her , but had hoped to be able to tell her in response to her questions, rather than sit her down for some sort of 'proper chat' which just all feels a bit cringeworthy, whereas questions don't/wouldn't bother me at all.

Devora - not sure how much info Dd is getting from elsewhere because I do think that she would ask us about it - DH is particularly fab as he is a Scientist and very good at explaining things to the DC, I would have said that they are confident that they can ask us anything really. So why isn't she???

Certainly she presents as just being cheerfully oblivious!

yes, but you've shown her she can talk to you, NotWilliamBoyd, so she's probably just not terribly interested right now. I wasn't saying all 9 year olds have an insatiable curiosity, just that it would be rare to have NO curiosity and quite a high risk that they don't know how to raise the subject. But if you've raised the subject and they're happy that they know where to come for info when they do want and need it, then that's fine.

(Caveat: they do need to know about periods by the age of 9, even if they're not curious about it.)

Very interesting post. My son is nearly 9 and, like one of the children mentioned above, has asked questions from time to time but hasn't shown great interest yet. I looked at the amazon page for the "Hair There" book and was curious to see a mention about "the egg cell joining up with a sperm" without a mention of how the sperm gets inside the "mum". Presumably that's covered somewhere else in the book? Otherwise, it doesn't offer any more information than my son already knows. We've talked about sperm and egg but he's never asked how the sperm gets into the woman. I think it's that part of the "story" that many people find difficult to explain. Even though I've tried to be very open and matter-of-fact in responding to my son's questions, I still anticipate feeling awkward discussing sex in more detail. And, as another poster said, while I don't want him getting (mis)information from the playground, I don't want him being the source of information for others either --ie I think he'll find "it" all so interesting he'll want to share what he knows with all his friends.... friends whose parents might not have engaged in conversations with them yet... It's tricky to know how to educate our children without possibly causing offence to others...

DD is 9 in a couple of weeks and knows/is comfortable with puberty and reproduction. She has two older brothers, so was always going to hear things from an early age as sometimes they asked questions and it felt wrong to take them to one side away from her to answer them, like it was all hush hush and a bit dirty iyswim.

She grew up with the Babette Cole 'Mummy laid an egg' book because I bought it for the DSs when I was pregnant. About a year or so ago I bought her the girls edition of What's Happening to Me? as I noticed she was starting to develop breast buds and it seemed like a good way to kick start the whole puberty discussion (I bought the boys version a few years earlier and really liked it)

We've discussed things like tampons and towels because she's seen my boxes in the toilet and was curious (and apparently read the instructions...)

We've discussed rape (unfortunately) because there are adverts for a rape crisis help line on the bus we get to school.

I don't necessarily want to bombard her with information, I just want her to be comfortable that she can ask me anything and I will try and answer it (to an appropriate level)

She should already know all about it. If they have the facts from an early age, they'll be able to deal th the misinformation and rumour that flies round the playground so much better. It sounds as if you need to ask her what she knows, then take it from there.

My parents got me the Usborne book Growing Up. It was very good, pretty basic but it covers sex almost incidentally to the other physical aspects of growing up - periods, breasts etc. Not about relationships, but it sounds like you have that covered anyway!