What would you expect a school to do if your six y o was being given Chinese burns by older children in the playground?

[tryingtoleave]

Apologies for the term, if it's offensive - I don't know how else to describe it. Ds was telling me this afternoon this was happening and I happen to have a parent teacher meeting tomorrow morning. I am pretty upset, obviously. We were planning to move ds at the end of the year anyway, but what should the school be doing now?

What do you want the school to do?

Sorry that your child is being bullied - the usual procesure for a school is to ignore it and not to place blame. At best, it is usually a general conversation in assembly about why bullying is wrong.

Or your child can point out the older childrens' parents at pick up/drop off and you can have a word with them ...

I want it to stop, obviously. I guess I'm asking what would be the normal strategies in such a case so I know if the school is responding appropriately.

I would expect the school to stop it! Maybe not a one-off, but if it's more than once, I would definitely expect there to be no more incidences after I spoke to a teacher or the head office about it. And further escalation (knowing the parents of the older bullying child had been talked to, next brought in to talk) if the situation continued.

Is your son feeling picked on systematically, or was it a one-off? And is he upset about it, or was it part of a game that everyone plays? The answers to those questions would greatly affect what I expected the school to do about it.

If he is upset and feels that the children in question are consistently picking on him and/or other younger children, then I would expect the school to treat it as an incident of bullying and issue whatever sanctions are in their anti-bullying policy. I totally disagree with itsjustafleshwound that the usual procedure is for the school to ignore it. Bullying is taken extremely seriously at my children's school.

However, if it's just general horseplay and he's not overly bothered, I think I'd just expect the teacher to keep a watchful eye that it's not getting out of hand. In the scheme of things, there are worse things that could be going and and he's unlikely to come to any great harm.

When DS1 was picked on regularly by a child in his yr1 class, I saw the home school liason officer who was brilliant. They certainly didn't ignore it, itsjustafleshwound. I'm sorry that's your experience.

She spoke to both children separately and together and asked them both to see each other's POV. DS1 was then told he must tell if it happened again and the other child was told what would happen if it did happen again.

For the first week or two, both teacher and HSL made a point of seeking DS1 out after breaks to see how he was and make sure all OK, but it never happened again.

Generally the school would follow the anti bullying policy.

Strategies could include-

Increased (discreet) supervision at playtimes.
Older children being interviewed to ascertain the culprits.
Culprits doing a school based sanction+ getting a massive bollocking.
General assembly's/PSHRE sessions on friendships/playground conduct etc...
If your son is being picked on specifically (as opposed to just being a six year old to taunt at random on one lunchtime) he might be offered a buddy/mentor- a popular and kind older child perhaps.

In a good school it will not be ignored.

Thank you, everyone. I had the meeting this morning and teachers said they couldn't do anything unless he went directly to them after it happened. I don't think that's good enough and imaging to see the principal this afternoon. It's not a once off, and it seems to be happening to ds because he is low down in the pecking order (new boy in an tight knit group - that's why we were planning to move him anyway) and because he likes to play in what the big boys consider their territory.

Oh, and ds is very distressed and refusing to go to school.

Pardon my language, but that's a bullshit answer that they can't do anything unless he comes straight after it happens. That puts the onus of stopping the bullying on a child when it should be the school's responsibility to be stopping it before it happens. They can watch what happens during playtime and put a stop to it before or while it is happening.

Expecting a child to have to come up and tattle on the bullies. Children who are picked on just love doing that.

Not a wholly bullshit answer Andi. It is wrong to say that the OPs DS needs to find an adult straight away, but he should try to tell as soon as he can - maybe when he goes back into class after break.
Depending on the age of children involved - and the OPs DS is only 6, recollection of the events when asked the day after would be very hazy, and whoever was asking both sides what had happened might not get a clear picture. Sanctions work best when they are prompt and the recipient understands what incident lead it.

Would it not work better by having an adult witness and stop the behaviour immediately?

If it's happened repeatedly, they should be watching closely to stop it.

As if they know where he is in the pecking order, and have seen the playground "territories", there must be a high level of awareness already about what is happening in the playground.

So I expect they simply meant that, despite level of awareness, they have not seen excessively rough or inappropriate play and so need to be told when a problem is happening so there can be intervention immediately. Not running to a teacher (agree it compounds problems) but they need to be told.

What exactly, if anything, was said about how they observe children in the playground?

How many times have incidents occurred? OP was posted in the middle of the day, so I'm not clear if it happened on Monday, or if he was talking about events last week. How was the playground on Tuesday?

I think the fact that there is a pecking order, and "territories" in the playground speaks volumes. How strong is the school on inclusion generally? Do they have strategies for helping children that are struggling with friendships? I hope the principal gives you some better answers about how they are going to help your DS cope with the playground - and how they are going to stop older children from treating it like a power game.

Dc's primary schools would have made it perfectly clear that this was unacceptable, had a word with the child involved, heard both sides, spelled out consequences and kept a very close eye to ensure nothing further happened. They would also have had a refresher of the teaching given to every child in the school which was that Everybody has the responsibility to tell an adult if anybody else is being hurt or frightened. I felt this last was an essential part: it meant everybody was looking out for everybody else.

OP: how's it going? Has anything else happened in the playground? And have you seen the head?